Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Being a mother of boys

Has deepened my appreciation for how important fathers are in the equation. Fathers are not optional. Boys need their dads. And if dad is not available, they need a good male figure in their lives. They absolutely require that intangible masculine something that a woman, no matter how attentive and thorough just can't give. And I'm not talking just any old dude in a boy's life. I'm talking about one who shows him how to handle his emotions properly--not afraid to show them but wise about his actions and reactions when under the influence of them. A man who the boy has unshakeable faith in. A man who loves the boy unconditionally and insists on always being there through the good and the bad. He is compassionate, caring, and understanding. Playful yet firm.

Boys, especially boys Z1's age, crave it. And blossom and bloom when they have it. And it hurts my heart to see the shadow of loss and void when I notice a little boy who doesn't have that looking on longingly at my son and his father or another father/son couple.

For sure, we all have different paths in life that make us who we are. But living where I do, I see a disproportionate amount of fatherless boys and I wonder if folks know just how profound that missing element is. Do they care?

And yes, fathers are vital for little girls too but that's for a different post.

Photo Credit: "Father and Son" by WisDoc


msladydeborah said...

How refreshing it is to read a post where a sista is pro-dad. I enjoyed reading your thoughts on the subject of the importance of father's in a son's life.

I am the mother of three adult sons. Their relationship with their dad has been an important part of your development.

MilesPerHour said...

Found you through the Rev's site.

You are dead on with this post. My father had no time for his children as we were very poor and the man did nothing but work and sleep to feed us. I missed that very much as a child.

My GF basically raised her daughter by herself for 12 years. The dad has had her for alternating holidays and summers. For the past three years I have done what I can to be a positive adult male influence in her life, modeling, directing and spending time with her.

Helen said...

Yes. Absolutely. Unfortunately, my elder boys' father is NOT there for them and has let them down too many times. They have strong men in their life, including an awesome stepdad,and are making it through with his help- but it's not the same.

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