Friday, May 8, 2009

I Can't Stand the Rain!

Thank God today is sunny and warm!

My first introduction to this song was back in high school when Misdemeanor Eliot ("Missy") sampled it. I loved it then (and still do) but didn't know it was old school. I should have. I've always thought Missy was so creative and like me, marched to her own drum. Anyway, wanted to share some music on this lovely day!

Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

I didn't mention . . .

That I finished my story. I was waiting for inspiration to hit and well, it just wasn't. So one day when the hubby was off, I pushed him and the boys out. I spent 3 to 4 hours and finished it. I retitled it "The Oracle" and while I don't think it's my finest writing and I know it still needs work, it is a good skeleton.

If you'd like to read it and tell me *honestly* what you think (be brutally honest), please e-mail me!


Just when I was getting down on my good old thrift store, it hooked a sista up! I got two flyy cotton blouses and one pair of 100% linen pants (size 12!!!! and not 14!!!!! and they fit perfectly!!!! although a little too long--nothing that's not easily fixed). The pants and one of the blouses make a complete outfit. Got Z1 a Gant hoodie and a Gap dress shirt too. Grand total: $10.91. I'm stoked! Like the universe knew I needed a pick me up.

Sacrificing too much?

I guess it's a question that every mother has to ask herself. One thing I have clearly understood about motherhood is that it's insanely difficult to find the balance.

I've been a stay-at-home mom now for some years and overall, I enjoy it. Sometimes, though, I take a break from the constant diaper changing, breastfeeding, hand washing, nose and butt wiping and wonder . . . what the fuck am I doing?

How much sacrifice is too much?

I look at my house and all the work that needs to be done. It's a lot of work. Yet, the repairs and renovations go at a snail's pace because there's only one income. Two incomes would move the work along. Would make it so that I wouldn't feel embarrassed when folks visit and see the kitchen (my stove was manufactured in 1959--no joke) and the bathroom (which needed to be re-tiled about 10 years ago). We could have replaced all the doors at one time instead of doing the front door this month and the back door only God knows when. Two incomes would make the place ready to rent. Make getting out of this town more of a near-future possibility. And getting out of this town would be . . . fabulous.

I look at myself. The clothes I wear. Actually, the clothes I hate to wear. I'd like to go into a regular store (not the thrift store) and buy stuff that fits right and that's cute (on sale and on clearance of course because I still can't get with paying crazy high prices for things). Two incomes would help.

But then the other half of the time, I am overwhelmed by what a blessing it is that I can stay at home with my boys. There are many sacrifices involved but we eat well, are dressed well. Our home keeps us warm and sheltered. Plus we have small luxuries to boot. The hubby supports my staying at home (at least until Z2 is school age). It's not like I'm making the choice between staying at home and basic necessities. The choice I'm making is between staying at home and moving up and out quickly/looking the way I'd like to look.

And then there's homeschooling, something that I've had my heart set on to do for a long time. Full-time work and homeschooling seem incompatible. Could something work out?

My initial teaching certification expires in 2010. I'll renew but do I want to go back to teaching? My first experience was so traumatizing. Maybe dealing with 5 and 6 year olds would be better? Could I even get back into the field if I wanted? It's been almost 5 years since I graduated.

Eh, this post seems like reiterations of the same old issues but sometimes it just weighs so heavily on me. Am I sacrificing my very self to be a stay at home mom? Is it worth it?

I've actually been sort of looking for some kind of part time job--to make enough money to cover classes and stuff for the boys as well as maybe groceries and the things I need to make me feel, well, cute again and to just be out and functioning in a different capacity.

Keep your fingers crossed for me: I noticed that the hubby's alma mater doesn't have a crochet class in its School of Continuing Education. I proposed it to them. That would be great actually . . . working very part time, making decent money, doing something I like.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Who's Afraid of . . .

the big bad flu?

Not me.

I don't know . . . my head is in a good place right now. Whatever this flu is or isn't, I know the best thing is to work on our immune systems. As usual, the *only* thing you have control of is yourself, your thoughts and your actions.

So, I'm regulating all sugar (even though we don't use white sugar, being easy with sugar is still best). I just ordered some sodium ascorbate (vitamin C) because we're running low. I was just reminded about the importance of the mineral selenium. We eat a lot of the foods that are rich in it but I may also get a supplement. I've got my echinacea and goldenseal tinctures at the ready and raw honey too. We get plenty of garlic in our food. We're drinking enough water. Getting our green smoothies and other fruits and veggies in. Exercising. Getting good sun. And just getting on with our lives.
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