Friday, October 8, 2010

Love or Understanding?

This very interesting question came up on one of my message boards:  

What's more important to you: to be loved or to be understood?

I really had to think about it.  

I think that you can love a person deeply and genuinely but not totally understand him/her.  I think this this because it's difficult to even understand yourself. As you get older, if you work on it, you do really get a better understanding of yourself, i.e. who/what you are becomes clearer to you.   But it may take many lifetimes, in my opinion to really totally understand yourself.  

Yet, I know that my sister, my best friend and my hubby, the folks who are closest to me, all really love me despite the fact that they don't understand every aspect of me.  I know for sure that I'm an anomaly to my parents, yet I believe they love me.  

Here's the thing though: they all know me very well even if they don't completely understand.  

But is knowing the same things as understanding?  Not necessarily.  Like learning your times tables or how to find the area of a triangle in grade school.  You can know these by heart, know them very well but it is not until you get into advanced mathematics and science, much later on,  when you really manipulate and work with these formulas and theorems that you can claim to really understand what's going on. It's one of the main reasons I want to homeschool:  I did very well in school because I knew a lot of stuff; I could retain huge amounts of information and could often apply it  But I didn't always fully understand it.  That became obvious when I started college. 

So I do think there can be deep, genuine and abiding love without complete understanding if there is a high level of knowledge.  As healthy relationships mature, though, you get to  really know the other person better and I think understanding begins and then deepens. 

But I also think it's wonderful when the understanding does begin to happen.  I think that is what makes for longevity in a marriage or any other intimate relationship that we maintain by choice.  No one wants to be in situation where whatever he/she does elicits a raised eyebrow from his/her partner.  That's just exhausting.  It's equally exhilarating--thrilling even--when you meet someone who really seems to "get you".  But if a relationship like this progresses to romantic love though (as I've experienced before), the person can sometimes start to act like they've got a handle on you better than you've got a handle on yourself.  Which is annoying, to say the least.

Anyway, the question got me thinking about soul mates again--how if two people were truly soul mates, if such a thing exists, that there would be this profound understanding between the two of them precisely because they are matched in such a mystical way. 

So is love that is not based on understanding superficial?  Is it not real?  Personally, I don't think so. if the love is based on genuinely knowing the person. I am totally and completely convinced that those closest to me love me because they know me.  The show love in the most wonderful of ways.  And I cannot conceive of the devastation that they would feel if they lost me or if I lost them.

And here's the kicker for me: unequivocally I love my children.  There are times that it really hits me that I don't really understand why they are a certain way; why they are behaving a certain way.  But I love them anyway because of who they are to me.  What they mean to me.  

So I guess I conclude that being loved is more important to me than being understood.  But I will add a disclaimer and say that the latter is also important as we need to be understood by at least someone so we don't feel (or go) crazy.  And I think it's a noble effort to continually work to understand those you love.  I think that demonstrates love in deeply profound way.

Anyway, I thought of this song while I was writing this.  It's called Perfect Love and Understanding by one of my favorite roots reggae groups, Israel Vibration.

I'm officially homeschooling!

This is Z1's kindergarten year and it certainly feels different than last year.  First of all, he seems so much mature this year.  I'm always pleasantly surprised with his insights and level of understanding.  Also, you'd be hard-pressed to find any five year olds out and about during the early day: most are in school.  But that's okay even though I was worried earlier that it would pose a problem. 

We wake up in the morning, bathe, have breakfast and then after breakfast we do about an hour of "school" which really just means that we gather around the table to do some focused work on reading, math, handwriting.  Science and social studies sometimes happen at the table but mostly, they happen at the computer (watching DVDs or videos online about science topics we're interested in) or as we're out an about living life (social studies).  Just recently, we wrote and sent a letter off to Z1's grandparents to learn how the mail system works. 

We mainly go out in the afternoons--when the kids are getting out of school!  So I've been happy to find some playgrounds where there are kids Z1's age playing.  Of course, it never seems to be the same kids but at least.  And I've also discovered that recently, Z1 and Z2 play wonderfully without a single fight at the playground.

So we're getting into a good rhythm with things.  I'm learning what I like and what I don't like.  Trying out curricula.  Deciding that I definitely don't need a curriculum for certain subjects.  And generally gaining confidence daily. 

I'm still troubleshooting the socializing aspect but honestly, Z1 doesn't seem bothered at all now that we are busy.  I am still struggling with a sense of isolation/loneliness but I am determined to overcome that. 

So I'm officially homeschooling and so far, so good!  You know one of the  (simple) things that thrills me about this?  That I don't have to wake Z1 up at any particular time every day.  He sleeps till he's ready to get up (usually not past 8)--and wakes up well-rested and ready to tackle the day. 

DVD Review: 10 Minute Solution Knockout Body

Once I realized that Jessica Smith is the person who put together this workout, I knew it would be good.  She's the one who did the Women's Health Train for Your Body Type DVD and to this day, that DVD is still a seriously good workout.  I end up sweating and breathing hard even though I've been doing it for quite a while.  So, as you can imagine, I was excited to try 10 Minute Solution Knockout Body.  And I was not disappointed.  (See a brief clip and check out more reviews here.)

Like all the DVDs in the 10 Minute Solution series, the DVD is broken up into 5 ten minute segments.  Right off the bat, this is wonderful because as soon as you are about to get bored, it's over and a new workout begins (and Ms. Smith wears a different outfit for each one--I don't know, somehow that really helps).  So you can go through all 5 segments or pick and choose.  Today, I chose 2 of the cardio sessions.  I didn't have the gloves so I used a two pound dumbbell in each hand.  Each dumbbell has a neoprene strap so that helped hold them in place while I was punching.  It was really an excellent workout.

Usually on Fridays, I lift weights for 30-35 minutes, do some ab work (Ab Ripper X which I completely rocked today) and then I jump rope for 15-20 minutes.  But I wanted to be a little easy on my knees today and kickboxing is the perfect workout for really building up a sweat without much impact.   This kickboxing workout in particular is wonderful. I think next week I may swap out Ab Ripper X one day and do the core segment from this DVD.  

So overall, a solid workout!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

According to my scale . . .

I'm losing weight.  I dropped a pound at each of my last two weigh-ins.  I am still trying to find the  right balance so that I won't continue to lose weight.  I think I'm thin enough and actually I feel a little too thin and light.  I kind of miss my substance.

So this week, I'm trying to up how much I eat since I do not want to reduce how much I workout.  And let me tell you, it's the funniest thing.

I've got my points set to 29 a day.  Obviously I need to eat more than that daily to stay at my current weight so I'm eating all my weekly points plus I will try to eat some of the exercise points.  The thing is, I am not hungry.  29 points (plus 2 points or so daily) is really enough for me to feel full and satisfied.  And so what's happening is that I feel stuffed after meals--and I do not like that feeling.  Also, I am having a hard time (psychologically) going over my points.  Like today I will have used 15 of my weekly points and I almost can't stand to look at my tracker.  One part of me insists that I will get to a point where my body will refuse to lose any more weight so I can just keep doing what I've been doing.  Another part of me fears that I will just waste away if I don't eat more.  Sounds a little . . . unhealthy to me. 

Okay, I know I have control issues and all that.  And Weight Watchers plays into that wonderfully since I now can (meticulously) control what I eat.  It's all there.  Tracked.  And printable.  It's become a part of my life, tracking and I'm starting to think it might be healthier for me to stop tracking for a while and maybe get back in tune with what my body wants to do.  However, I have a nagging fear that my body will simply pack the pounds back on.

Meanwhile, I'm still dealing with terrible intestinal issues.  I'll be getting tested in two weeks for gluten intolerance/celiac disease but sometimes, the tests miss it.  I hope my tests don't.  I'd really like to know for sure before I dive head-first into the (still somewhat daunting) world of gluten free living. 

Anyway, my next weigh in is on Sunday.  Here's to hoping that my weight will have at least stayed stable. 
Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape
I hope you enjoy my musings that I share with you here on my blog. If you would like to use any written content on my blog, please ask and/or reference my blog correctly. Thank you.