Friday, March 23, 2012

Latest Projects

The brown hat is the Brattleboro Hat.  I found the buttons at a local fabric store. They were only 50 cents a piece!  The red hat is the Urban Shells Beanie and it is tiny!  I really liked the pattern though.  Both hats were projects to use up scrap yarn.  

The shawl is Carol's Clever Little Shawl.  It was a very pleasant knit although I don't think it's my style anymore.  It's very warm and cozy though.  

The scarf is the 5th Avenue Infinity Scarf.  That was a very pleasant knit as well.  I enjoyed knitting it very much.  Although by the time I finished it, it was no longer winter since spring decided to come early.  I look forward to using it next winter though.

The shawl and the scarf were knit using Paton's Classic Wool yarn that I got at Michael's. It seems like Michael's is no longer carrying it though which is a bummer.  It was a really nice convenience to just go down the road and get a good quality, natural fiber yarn.  

There's one more hat that I just finished but I haven't photographed yet.  It was another stash-busting project and I should have a picture soon.  I've got my next two projects lined up already.  I ordered yarn from KnitPicks for those.  Meanwhile, I'm trying to use a couple of ounces of wool/acrylic blend yarn I have to make some kind of newborn size sweater.  It won't be for my baby since he/she will be a summer baby but it'll be a nice thing to have on hand for any winter babies that will be born.  

Keeping my fingers busy has been good for me lately.  I like the feeling of productivity so I'm keeping the projects small-ish.  

So thankful for homemade yogurt!

I'm  so thankful that I had some homemade yogurt tonight.  I made a smoothie with it a couple of minutes ago and I think my stomach is settling down enough for me to get some sleep soon.  My GIT was doing really well all day until I had dinner: beef stew with kale in it and also mashed cauliflower.  Kale and cauliflower are cruciferous vegetables which give many people GIT distress.  And I ate both of those in one sitting and boy, am I in distress.  I'm not thrilled at the prospect of eliminating all those vegetables from my diet.  In fact, I'm pretty sure that it is not really an option.  I need the vitamins and minerals I get from them but I don't need the digestive problems (because I also need to sleep and I need to not feel like shit).  I know very well that there's a serious imbalance in my GIT tract and that's why I can't handle so many foods.  That is why homemade yogurt is so helpful to me.  More helpful than any other probiotic pill or powder that I have ever taken.  I need to be more diligent about making and drinking my bone broth and the yogurt.  I don't really have a choice in the matter.  I tend to not order the bones and the raw milk to make this stuff because it's pretty expensive and it's pretty inconvenient to go and pick it up but I have to approach it as medicine.  I think it would be more worth my while to put the money into whole food supplements than into pill supplements.  So that's what I'm going to focus on.  

Revenge of the Bridesmaids

I am having one of my insomnia bouts due to my digestive health.  Always fun.  

I ended up watching a move that's streaming on Netflix called Revenge of the Bridesmaids starring Raven SymonÉ.  It got pretty good ratings and I figured it would be something light and funny to take my mind off how I'm feeling.  

It was . . . not funny.  I guess I'm older now and it takes a lot to make me laugh.  The humor has got to be intelligent.  It can't take the easy route and go for the cheap laugh.  Especially when the cheap laugh is at the expense of Black women.

Ms. Symone is a beautiful woman--just lovely.  I respect how long she's been able to stay relevant in the entertainment game.  And I know that she is the one who makes decisions about the roles she takes.  I hate that she decided to take this role in Revenge of the Bridesmaids.  The role is, basically, sarcastic, sassy, trouble-making Black woman.  Manless to boot because she is all those things and **gasp** is not rail thin.  She is the butt of insults throughout the movie.  While the other characters have and are deserving of love interests, she is not.  All she is good for is supporting others in their love interests by making a fool of herself.  

I guess this is a role Ms. Symone always plays, i.e. the sassy, bumbling clown and I shouldn't be offended.  Well, I'm not really offended.  Just kind of disappointed because I believe she could do and be better if she wanted to. 

But after all, it was an ABC Family movie.  Not that deep.  But, you know, as a Black woman you just get tired of the same old tropes being trotted out over and over and over again.  Whatever.  

A documentary about Barbara Jordan is soon to be released.  I'm excited about it. We desperately need alternative, positive images of Black women.   

No Homebirth this Time Around

Giving birth to Z2 at home was an amazing experience.  Homebirth is and always will be my ideal.  But after weeks of fighting with my insurance company, I finally got them to tell me how much they would pay and it is less than half of the midwife's fee.  I thought about how I could work out a payment plan or something to come up with the balance before I hit 36 weeks. I thought about maybe purchasing additional insurance (which is quite difficult and could get just as pricey as the midwife's fee).  But I have finally accepted that I am not in a financial position to swing this homebirth.  I thought about going unassisted but I am not totally comfortable with that especially since the hubby is really only marginally cool with even midwife-assisted homebirth.  

My other options are to go with the certified nurse midwife practice with which I had Z1. They deliver in a hospital and the idea is just repugnant to me.  As luck would have it, one of the last two freestanding birth centers is only about 20 minutes from me.  I called today to set up an appointment and good thing I did.  I found out that you can't birth in the birthing center if you don't have your first appointment within the first 24 weeks of pregnancy.  They had *one* appointment left within that timeframe (I have until May 1st) and that is next Friday, March 30, 2012 at 4:30.  Not the most convenient time for me but I'm feeling lucky that I actually got an appointment.

So I e-mailed my midwife and on Wednesday, she will fax me all my documents (positive pregnancy test and lab results) which I must take with me on Friday. 

The birth center is not currently giving tours but the two pictures I saw look good.  My intention is to labor at home as long as possible before I go there.  And I'm hoping to leave as soon as I give birth.  I have some more questions that I will ask on Friday but I'm pretty sure this is it.  

I have to be honest when I say that I am relieved because the stress of trying to figure  out how I could afford the midwife was getting to me.  And the last thing I need is stress.

But I won't lie and say that I'm not supremely disappointed that my homebirth won't happen.  Nothing was more magical than lying in my own bed with my two boys after giving birth to Z2.  Amazing.  And there's that feeling of giving up on something you really want.  One more thing it feels like I am giving up on.  And wondering what next?  I feel powerless to make my desires come true and that is not a very good feeling at all.  And there's also that feeling of having my "crunchy mama" card revoked, silly as that may sound.  Having homebirths, in a real or perceived way, is a hallmark of being a natural, in-tune, alternative earth mama.  I'm finding myself kind of hesitant to share my decision too widely with folks.

But, there is just so much we could do for this baby with the $5,000 we would be paying for his/her birth. I guess this is what being a grown up is about--making hard decisions and sometimes putting aside what's most ideal for what is most practical.  Having and raising another child is a pretty big expense in and of itself.  The best situation is to bring him/her into the world with the least amount of stress (and the most resources) possible.  
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