Oh, no! Not Whitney. :(

I'm still hoping that someone says it's not true but sadly, after reading several reports, I'm starting to believe it.  I am taking the death of Whitney Houston really hard.  I had such hope that she could pull it together and do something magical again.  I feel so sad for her daughter and her mother especially.  I can only imagine the pain they are going through.

May she rest in peace.

Facebook Folly: Just Do It

I am on Facebook and have been for a while now.  I don't get too involved.  I check it once or twice a day, read statuses, sometimes post my own status and then log off.  It's been a great tool to check on people from my past lives (i.e. elementary and high school) but I don't get too wrapped up and try to keep my friends list cropped.  Despite the fact that I don't get too involved, there are some things that are pet peeves of mine on there.  One pet peeve,  was able to take care of was all those games and things people play that were showing up in my News Feed.  

My major pet peeve though is when folks get on Facebook and post these kind of statuses:

"I'll be cutting some of you guys off here on FB so take this as a warning!"

"Some of ya'll don't ever talk to me so you will be de-friended this afternoon."

"Oh cruel world, Facebook has done me ever so wrong!  I'm taking an extended leave!"

"I hate when folks post stupid status updates!  I don't care!"

"If you don't like what I'm saying, if it pisses you off, too bad!  Take me off your friends list!"

I just don't understand the point of these types of statuses.  If you want to prune your friends list, JUST DO IT.   No type of announcement is needed.  If you just deleted them as friends, if it's true that you guys are not that close, they probably wouldn't even notice.  People collect friends on Facebook like Z1 collects rocks:  not much of a criteria so long as it's a rock.  If you need to leave Facebook because it has taken over your life, JUST DO IT.  If you don't like what folks have to say you have the option to block them so JUST DO IT.  If you have folks on your Friends List that would take offense at you being who you are, take yourself off their friend list.  JUST DO IT.  For goodness sake.  

The world of Facebook has to be the most ridiculous world ever.  People taking offense at being de-friended.  Letting the world know their most personal details because they've forgotten that Facebook is *PUBLIC*  place even if your page is private.  I'm approaching 29 but I definitely feel like I'm out of step with the times.  Facebook is just not that serious and I don't really care about what goes on there.  It doesn't affect my life that profoundly.   And I really don't understand why it gets to that level with some people.  

I know, I know, to each his own.  But if something about Facebook annoys you, feel free to JUST DO IT.  Whatever it is.  Because it's just not that serious.  

Don't Flaunt It, Mrs. Obama!

I was reading this article about Michelle Obama and her "lavish" vacation in Spain.  Here is another article that really blasts Mrs Obama:

But while most of the country is pinching pennies and downsizing summer sojourns-or forgoing them altogether--the Obamas don't seem to be heeding their own advice.   

The author seems to think the Obamas should be cutting back like the rest of us especially since Mrs. Obama is taking this vacation on the taxpayers dime.  She labels Mrs. Obama a "material girl" and a modern-day Marie Antoinette.  Articles like this always make me roll my eyes.  

Mrs. Obama was wealthy before she became the first lady.  She had been able to afford this standard of living long before Barack Obama made it to the White House.  The only difference before was that she was not as high profile.  I personally don't feel like she has to change her life completely for anyone's benefit.  And we as taxpayers are paying Barack Obama's salary and benefits.  That doesn't mean we have the right to dictate how they decide to spend money that is earmarked for their personal use.   And it is not their fault that they need to travel troops of Secret Service.  That's the world we live in.  Furthermore, we pay the Secret Service their salaries to do a job, i.e. protect the First Family.  They would need to do this job whether Mrs. Obama decided to vacation in Chicago, Spain or on the moon. 

I get it.  Times are hard.  The economy is doing terribly.  Folks have never experienced such difficulty.  But even Christ acknowledged that there will always be haves and have nots.  It's how the world has been set up.  Why begrudge anyone for their good fortune?  It's not as if Mrs. Obama doesn't do her fair share of community oriented work.  But she's still a high status and very wealthy woman.  Why shouldn't she enjoy it?  I know I would. 

Human nature dictates that people sacrifice when they have to.  The Obamas don't have to.  It would be a nice gesture to take more frugal vacations but honestly and truly, we all know that there is nothing the Obamas will do that won't draw criticism.  If she vacations in Virginia, folks will whine about how she bought (gasp) $15 drinks at the bar.  If she decides not to take a vacation at all, folks will question her motives and accuse her of being a martyr.  Please. 

And it's absurd to compare Mrs. Obama to Marie Antoinette.  Yes, the country is going through rigors right now and everybody is taking it really easy.  But just like in the first Great Depression, not everyone will suffer.  Some will be just fine.  Some will stand to make a whole lot of money because of the whole thing.  It is not Mrs. Obama's responsibility to soothe folks and make them feel better about the mess that we have put ourselves in.  We are all complicit in this economic ditch we find ourselves in and sooner or later, everyone will feel it in some way or the other.  Just some more than others. 

Mrs. Obama shouldn't dim her light for the benefit of anyone else--shouldn't dumb herself down so others don't feel intimidated by her intelligence or scale back her vacations so others aren't reminded about how much they are struggling. She's not flaunting it.  We would have never have known about this vacation without the media taking pictures and creating a buzz.   She shouldn't hide how wealthy she is.  She's worked hard and she should enjoy it.  And she is not doing anything that previous First Wives have not done.  She is the wife of the President of the United States.  Why not act like it?

I'm saying all this as someone who took her last vacation three or four years ago to Ghana.  And it's still up in the air as to whether that was a vacation at all.  

My advice to all those offended by Mrs. Obama's trip?  Focus on yourself.   I know it's hard to see others enjoying when you're struggling but don't begrudge anybody their wealth.   That doesn't attract wealth or fortune. Work on building (or conserving) your own spiritual, emotional, social and financial wealth. To me, that is energy far better spent.  

Plus the outfit Mrs. Obama was wearing was flyy.  Haters are always going to hate. 

What's with all the propaganda?

It seems recently that everywhere I turn there are warnings to use sunscreen at every possible moment that you might have even the tiniest bit of exposure to the sun.  Including in the rain.  Or through a window.  In the winter.  There are advertisements in magazines for sunscreens with SPF ratings of 100!  I have to say, I think this is insane.

Of course, I can appreciate that because of human actions, our ozone layer is compromised and more harmful rays make their way down to us.  But despite this, I cannot embrace the idea that the sun is this deadly heavenly body that could only bring us harm.  

Ancient peoples worshiped, celebrated, and honored the sun because they recognized it as the source of all life.  Without it, we are finished.  Plants need it to photosynthesize and we need plants for food.  But we need the sun in a more direct way as well: without the sun, human beings (and many other animals) cannot synthesize vitamin D, an essential vitamin.

In many of these magazines that I've been reading that are so pro-sunscreen, I have read that even a daily 10 minutes unprotected in the sun could be deadly and that the *best* way to get Vitamin D is through supplements.  They rarely make any distinctions in the supplements when they are making the recommendations: D2 versus D3?  There are some studies that say that the body can't really use D2, the vegan form of vitamin D.   Natural types of vitamin D supplementation (like cod liver oil and eggs) versus synthetic forms?  Is it really all the same?  Somehow I doubt it.  

And what's perhaps the most troublesome to me is that they never seem to consider darker-hued individuals in their recommendations.  I read somewhere once that highly melinated skin (i.e. dark skin) is equivalent to SPF 50 on it's own.  I would guess that lighter skinned folks of color would have skin that's at least naturally SPF 15 or 30.  That means that for a darker-skinned persons, sunscreen would not be as necessary especially if the person is not in the direct sun for hours and hours.  But I have yet to see any sunscreen guidelines for darker skinned people.  I am worried about what the repercussions will be if all people follow the general guidelines for sunscreen.  For many months out of the year in my neck of the woods, the sun does not shine at all.  Are we to understand that supplements really are an acceptable alternative to synthesizing our own vitamin D naturally?  Do we really want to go by those guidelines only to find ourselves in 10-15 years seriously lacking vitamin D in our systems and dealing with all the issues that come from such a deficiency?

I am well aware that mainstream medicine and media will not take the time to make guidelines specific to people of color.  I am kind of in a teetering position--worrying about the dangers of the sun (which have come about as a direct result of human actions)  but not being able to trust the establishment as to what to do in terms of sunscreen and vitamin D supplementation.  I fully expect to hear some crazy statistic in a few years about how babies of color are suffering from rickets and other bone disease because whatever supplement was prescribed (Oops!) just doesn't work.  Then they'll change their recommendation again and say everyone should strive for at least some unprotected time in the sun but by then, the damage will already have been done.  I feel this whole thing could turn out to be just the same situation as when margarine was far better than butter but then they turned around and said that in terms of bad food, trans-fats are the devil incarnate.  I mean, really?  I ate margarine my whole childhood! 

In the winter or when my kids get sick, I am an avowed cod liver oil user.  I like Carlson's brand because it is a high vitamin D oil that is triple purified so there is no mercury present.  I'm also able to buy it at my local market.  I feel that cod liver oil, at least, is a more natural form of vitamin D than something made in the lab.  And I do use sunscreen but I'm not crazy with it.  I always use SPF 30.  If we're at the pool, I'll apply it once and leave it at that.  It we're at the beach, maybe twice (because the beach is really the only place I've gotten a sunburn). But if we're going about our business, ducking in and out of stores, the library, the car, etc. and not really in direct sunlight for any extended length of time, I don't put it on.  

I won't even talk about the myriad of unnatural and questionable ingredients in most mainstream sunscreens.  My favorite brands of sunscreen: The Naked Bee (which is a butter) and All Terrain TerrasSport, which both have ingredients that I'm more comfortable with.  

Anyway, I feel my conspiracy theorist alter ego rearing up whenever I read yet another article on using sunscreen . . . who is in bed with who here?  Who stands to benefit?  What's with all the propaganda? Essential questions to ask.

Photo credit

Haiti's Earthquake and Some Perspective for Me

Things are relatively peaceful right now at least in this corner of the world. This recession/depression wears on and things are pretty bad but it all still feels surreal. In my household, income is still coming in although overtime is no longer worked for extras like vacations and large ticket items but rather to keep our heads comfortably above water. But thank goodness there's that overtime and I'm super grateful for my Saturday job which pays for Weight Watchers and other little things.

I know the world is changing all around and I know I should be saving saving saving. So when I buy things and do things that are not absolutely necessary such as Weight Watchers, my yoga classes (which I bought on sale in December), that cordless hand-held vacuum that will help keep this place cleaner, I sometimes feel guilty and irresponsible.

In all this preparation for the unknown, though, I realize that too much is unknown and really the single best way to prepare doesn't have to do with storing food or saving money but getting my mind in the right place to handle anything. Including the very real possibility that I may not survive. I'm just looking at the pictures of Haiti and all that and wondering what any amount of money or food stores could have done to keep a building from collapsing on top of you. It makes me cynical but also gives me a little of my freedom to be back.

You see, I am right here in this present moment. This is the circumstance. I live where I do. This is the time I live in. And as much as we like to think we're the master of our own destiny, I'm pretty sure we're not running shit the way we think we are. None of this emergency prep business is a guarantee of anything. The shit may hit the fan in a way that would completely blow our minds and render all our preparations and all our savings a nice little fantasy.

So in whatever way I can, I'm going to try to enjoy my life right here. I've food to eat. A place to live. And a very little wiggle room in terms of finances because of my Saturday job. In the next few months, I can't say what the landscape will look like, if internet will still be widely available, if we'll have access to consistent electricity, if the government will declare martial law or if we'll be invaded by aliens. Shit, it could happen later on today. But right now, none of that is going on.

Of course, that doesn't mean I'm going to go crazy and start acting recklessly. But I'm already smart about my money. I don't buy things without thinking. I save as much as I can. I reduce, reuse and recycle. I'm frugal. I'm resourceful. If the ship holds together even somewhat, these are some of the things that will keep me going. And the memory of how much I enjoyed that yoga class that I felt unsure about taking when times weren't as hard. I keep on reading my survival/peak oil type blogs because there's a lot of information but it's with a certain levelheadedness and appreciation of what works for me because along with all the info I'm getting is a whole lot of opinion and speculation. And while no one can predict the future, it's good to be aware of the varying versions of the future that are out there--even if so many of them are bleak and sad and involve a great deal of suffering.

So as I think about my brothers and sisters in Haiti, it brings a lot into perspective. I've been chanting for them non-stop and thinking of some ways I could help. I've already donate but that feels kind of impotent. I don't know--it's such a massive destruction. I also keep wishing people like that fool Pat Robertson would go away and it makes me so sad and angry that there a people who actually agree with him. I have heard White people say time and time again that they should not be held responsible for the actions of their ancestors. Even if Haitian slaves "made a pact with devil," what the hell does that have to do with their descendants? And if I hear one more thinly veiled attempt to blame Haitians for their current sorrow because of voodoo . . . Agh . . . I didn't mean to get off topic. Farai Chideya gives the real history here.

I first began to think about how libraries would fare in this depressed economy when I read this blog post by Sharon Astyk. I had already begun to notice some libraries holding fewer hours, opening later and closing earlier but for some reason, and also some really disgruntled workers. It didn't quite hit me as much then. though. I mean, it's obvious that many of us own our own computers (or internet-ready devices) and get our information from the internet. Libraries are much more underutilized these days I remember as a child I used to go to the library with my class to learn how to use the card catalog and how to find things in the library. In college, even, as a freshman, we were required to have a few sessions at the library to familiarize ourselves with how things work there and how to use the library to do research. My nieces and nephews who are in college and high school now have never taken these kinds of classes and almost all research is done on the computer using online databases. So it's very easy for local governments to cut funding to our public libraries and I can't say I don't understand.

But while I, like most people, use the internet for a lot of things (including using the online library card catalog), as someone on a tight budget, the library is an invaluable tool. I know that I cannot afford to lose the library. I currently have almost 30 items out and this includes books for the children, media (DVDs, tapes, CDs, CD-Roms), books on tape, magazines, etc. The library adds a richness to our lives that I want to hold on to. And like Sharon, I wonder, if the internet is no longer available and we have not been keeping up with our libraries, what will we do?

Oh, gadgets like the Kindle are very exciting and convenient but without technology to back them up, they're pretty much useless. So what happens if the technology isn't there or isn't widely available? Not to mention (from a thrifty point of view), I don't always want to buy every book I read. It would be wonderful if someone could perhaps find a way to make things like Kindle work with our existing library systems and it looks like there are some attempts to get Kindle and public libraries together. Instead, it just feels like one more technological advance that may render libraries obsolete. So while folks are giddy about their Kindles, I just can't quite work up the same excitement even though I'm blown away by how the I-pod revolutionized the way I listen to music. I don't know . . . maybe as time goes on I'll be able to jump on the bandwagon. But for now, I'm going to go put some things on hold at the library.

Tradewinds

So much is going on now. If you're still for just a moment, you know that things are shifting, have shifted.

Makes me think of a song by one of my favorite female reggae artists, Judy Mowatt.

Read the lyrics here.

I like to look at

What celeberities wear to award shows. I like the glamour and the creativity of many designers.

The most recent award show (I think) was the Emmy Awards. I happened upon this "Worst and Best Dressed List" from the ceremony. I agreed with them sometimes and other times I was left thinking, "Are they blind?" One glaring case . . .

So here number 25, Jenna Fisher. I liked the dress well-enough--thought she was well put together. They gave her a B+.

Scroll forward to my girl Chandra Wilson. I was like, "Whoa" She looked STUNNING. She picked a great dress for her body and her hair is tight. She's tastefully accessorized, makeup looks great. The grade? C-. They called the outfit "snooze worthy" even though it's almost the exact same dress Jenna Fisher was wearing style- wise except that Chandra's actually has more going on. Yet it's boring? They call her 'do disastrous. Really? Wow . . . it's a classic "Black woman" style that Chandra could maybe have pulled off with all her own hair (although there's probably weave for volume). I think it's pretty and well done--certainly not a mess and not the most basic of styles. Disastrous? Far from it.

Seems to me like there's something else going on here especially when you scroll to the next picture: Looks Like She Needs to Go Find Something to Eat Kristin Chenoweth, whose dress is just a whole bunch of sparkly things (looks kind of like crinkled up aluminum foil), who's wearing a ponytail, and whose makeup is, well, snooze worthy. She gets . . . an A from these folks. Please. With a Capital P.

I mean, we don't expect much from Hollywood as Black women but they could at least be fair. Chandra looked good and it should be by anyone's standards. Yes, she a plus size woman but she looks so well put-together. Not sloppy at all. Not a C-. Not on any planet or in any universe. I'm sure as an actress, she's used to the harshness in Hollywood. And I'm not saying that Chandra couldn't stand to shed a few pounds. But she made what she's got going on work in a fabulous way and to me, looked far better than Kristin Chenoweth who I think only got an A because she's rail thin and blond.

Am I being too sensitive? I don't think so . . . it was such a glaring disparity. And a huge nod to the prevailing beauty standards that do so much to damage the self-esteem of girls (Black and White) everywhere.

I'm also getting pretty tired of the whole "she looks good for her age" spiel. Like looking good has an expiration date or something. Like youthful looks are the only worthwhile looks. Huge eyeroll. I know some ABSOLUTELY STUNNING ladies who are done with their twenties, over their thirties, blazed through their 40s, sailed through their fifties and are still rocking in their sixties and seventies.

It's just a reminder that we have to be so vigilant about the toxic messages Hollywood sends to us and begin to formulate and adhere to our own standards of beauty.

**Sorry I couldn't post pictures directly into the post. I have not yet mastered adding pictures on this blog with a Mac.

How do you feel about Semenya?

View the video here.

I mean, I don't know. She looks like a guy but she's an athlete and carries very little fat. How many runners have large breasts and lots of padding around the hips? Look, I won't front . . . I do have lots of padding all over and that slows you down. Jiggling "stuff" is just not good for your aerodynamics. Ever see a competing gymnast? Flat as a pancake. They are saying that she sounds like a guy. But, and perhaps most importantly, many, many Black women I know have deep voices and are routinely called "sir" on the phone even if they have very feminine names. How does race play into this? Are folks just salty because she is whipping ass in these races?

I love her attitude though and I hope that this all passes over quickly so that she can enjoy her success unmarred.

Judge Not . . .

. . . Before you judge yourself.

There seems to be this pesky sentiment floating around that it is wrong to judge. People seem to vaguely remember the words of Christ and then interpret them to mean that we are not to judge at all. Christ didn't charge us to never judge. He asked us to judge only after we have held ourselves in judgment. On many occasions, Christ judged rightly and with confidence and if we consider Christ a worthy example, we'd do well to follow.

Now, you can go on just about anybody's blog and read about the woman who gave birth to octuplets even though she already has 6 children. No matter what anyone says, we are right to judge this situation. But before we do we must sit down and look at ourselves. We've all done things in our lives trying to heal ourselves. These things were not always healthy. Most of us, though, are mentally okay enough to say to ourselves, "That was not healthy and I shouldn't do it again." Many of us have the discipline and the agency to follow through with that promise.

But not all of us do. I call into question Ms. Suleman's mental health and after viewing an interview she did, I'm almost completely sure she is not well. As such, I am not judging Ms. Suleman as harshly. Who I do want held accountable is the doctor who implanted those embryos. That is who I am holding in judgment today. There is simply no ethical reason for this doctor to have done what he/she did. Now there are eight brand new innocent children in the world who have no guarantee of clothes, health care, food, shelter. And most importantly, no guarantee of love and attention. Because no matter how great a person is, how devoted . . . I know what the hell it takes for the hubby and I to give undivided love and attention to two children. There is no way in HELL she can do it by herself for 14. Sorry, won't happen. Oh, and grandma's love or some other family member's love is not an on-par replacement for mama's love. It's only after having my first son and seeing just what it takes to raise children that I fully appreciated and admired single mothers (or married single mothers for that matter--you know, where the dad isn't worth the paper the marriage license is printed on).

The ball was seriously dropped and judgment is being rightfully passed. I wouldn't worry too much about the judgment other humans are passing out though. In comparison to the bigger judgment, well, you really ought to think before you act. Like I said, I'm treading lightly because there might be mental illness going on here but there is a whole lot of wicked enabling going on too--from family, supposed friends and the health care community. And last I heard, artificial insemination, prenatal care, c-sections, neonatal intensive care--all that cost lots and lots of money. Where did it come from? I mean, I'm good at making a dollar out of 15 cents, but if this chick didn't have help from somewhere, she's a frugal guru or has some seriously serious side-hustle.

The other big story floating around is Rhianna and Chris Brown. On that, I reserve judgment because those are grown folks. I don't know the whole story and (I really don't think I want to know the story--keep your business to yourselves folks!!). I hope Rhianna has enough sense, strength and support to leave an abusive relationship if that's what it is. I hope if Chris Brown has abuse issues, he has enough sense, strength and support to get real help (not free passes to keep on being abusive). You see? That right there is a type of judgment although admittedly quite mild.

It is not wrong to judge. In fact it is necessary. We have all been endowed with physical and spiritual senses. We should all be able to think critically. A failure to judge could lead to death, quite literally. As human beings, we judge. We are supposed to. There's nothing wrong with that. But we must judge ourselves first and most harshly so that the judgment we mete out to others is just. I think when folks say, "Don't judge" it's not only disingenuous, it's impossible.

We should also know (and it shouldn't bother us too much) that just as we judge others, they are judging us. But then again, you can only be judged if you let yourself be judged, if somewhere in there, there's a little doubt about your decision. That's why when anyone comes out to do an interview to "clear their name", the get the side-mouth, squinty eye from me. (Perhaps you heard of "stripper pole mom". I wasn't too mad at homegirl until she did her "clear my name" video.)

The truth speaks. Loudly. Of course, we should know try to know the whole story before we judge too completely and too harshly. We should try to understand where people are coming from and where they are. We can accept differences without automatically thinking different = bad or immoral. Our judgment should, first and foremost, be tempered with love.

I lovingly enjoin Ms. Suleman to be quiet, take down that website, handle your business like you say you will. It will take complete focus and singleness of mind to raise those children to be productive parts of society. To give them the love and attention they need and deserve. If you could do this successfully, there would be no need to defend yourself. Because actions still do speak louder than words.

After all, when Christ was judged, he uttered not a word. He was the truth.

"Judge Not" by the Wailing Wailers

Photo Credit: "Gavel" by kromatic on Flickr