Bikram Yoga!

I finally got around to taking a Bikram Yoga class today and I think I am in love.  I'd heard folks gush (and gush and gush) about classes and insist that once I took one class I'd be hooked.  Well, let's just put it this way:  I am trying to move my schedule every which way to see how I could fit in my next class.  

I really can't think of any cons about this yoga style. There was so much I loved and that vibed with me.  I loved the style of the teacher.  It's kind of detached and no-nonsense. There's no joking.  No miscellaneous talking.  No doing one side then [the teacher] getting distracted and forgetting to do the other.  The teacher doesn't demonstrate the poses but she gives a lot of detail about what should be happening in each pose.  The teacher also doesn't adjust you.  The heat and humidity really agreed with me: my sinuses opened up without me doing a thing and I could breathe fully and deeply and it was not uncomfortable for me.  The only other time I enjoy such free breathing is when I'm running but running feels like so much more effort.  It was so amazing: I'd do the postures which are not all that active (no jumping into positions or fast sun-salutations) and when I'd get into savasana (which was often) my heart would be pumping as if I was running.  Typically, after the yoga class I've been attending on Thursdays, I go for a run because the hour-long yoga practice really didn't feel like exercise at all.  So I'd do the yoga and then go exercise.  No so with Bikram.  It felt like yoga, i.e. the connection and getting into my body but it also felt like exercise.  I like the fact that I could learn the whole sequence of poses and still be challenged and engaged.  One of my biggest issues with yoga has been that I get distracted and my mind wanders.  Not so with Bikram.  The only thing I think I missed what the cueing about when to breathe in and breathe out.  I also got quite nauseous during Pose 11 and 12 but the teacher warned that beginners to the practice may get nauseous or dizzy.  I just sat out those poses and then jumped back in when I felt ready.

It was just a very cleansing experience overall and I really enjoyed it.  I did not want to get up from my final relaxation.  

Photo Credit

DVD Review: Jillian Michael's Yoga Meltdown

Believe me, I thought it very odd that a woman who admits time and time again that she is inflexible would put out a yoga DVD.  But I also know that yoga is not about how much of a pretzel you can twist yourself into and so I gave it a try.

Ms. Michael's is her usual self though she is a touch less abrasive than usual.  It annoyed me when she made air quotes while she talked about yoga practice.  Generally, I felt there was a lack of respect for this time-honored (and sometimes very spiritual) tradition.  There was little emphasis on getting into your body and far too much emphasis on using yoga as another tool for weight loss.  And don't get me wrong.  I don't think using it as a tool for weight loss is a bad thing:  I myself started practicing yoga when I decided I wanted to get fit and healthy.  It's just that there's this really glaring ignoring of the other aspects of yoga which you can readily find in even in the most basic and mainstream introductory DVDs (such as Crunch Yoga The Perfect Yoga Workout).  And I'm not talking overtly spiritual stuff like chanting OHM or opening your third eye chakra and all that.  I'm talking about reminding practitioners that it's not all about the physical.  Well, maybe for Ms. Michael's that's all it is. 

Anyone who's done vinyasa yoga can attest to the fact that the flowing movements will indeed work up a good sweat.  Will you burn tons of calories?  Probably not.  But if you do get warm enough, you can get into some awesomely beneficial poses.  The routine that Jillian put together felt disjointed and awkward to me.  It was too fast paced and didn't really have a good flow.  I had to stop and watch a few times to figure out what she wanted me to do.  Once I got into the pose I had to quickly arrange myself into another pose.  Not once did she ask me to watch my breath [while in a pose].  Not once did she speak to my alignment.  Watching her do the workout was even more awkward because like she's said, she's not all that flexible.  Even the so-called advanced demonstrator person looked quite awkward (and un-graceful) to me.  And I found myself wondering (which I rarely do) how many takes it took to get some of the poses completed.  And then I found myself wondering where she got certified to teach yoga.  And then I found myself paying extra attention to what I was doing so I didn't hurt myself doing things that a) the instructor can't do herself and b) she may or may not be qualified to teach.  Like I was definitely sure that doing "reps" in yoga is not such a great thing.  And I am watching my knees these days . . . so I was not going to follow along with that. 

So yes, it was a workout.  I did sweat a bit.  Did I feel like it deepened my practice?  No.  Did I feel relaxed and at peace with the world after?  No. Maybe she should have called it a yoga-inspired workout because I can't say for certain that it was actually yoga. 

So overall, I wasn't too thrilled with this production and don't think I'll be doing it again anytime soon.  I think for folks beginning a yoga home practice, there are far better options out there that will teach you about yoga--it's history and it's spirit and it's form. 

Which should come first?

If you have been reading this blog for any length of time, you know that last year I got serious about fitness.  I started exercising regularly and began my yoga practice.  At the time, I was not working and our budget was seriously tight.  There was no way I could afford to take a weekly yoga class and even the specials that many yoga studios offered were out of my league.  But I knew I wanted to incorporate yoga into my fitness routine as a way to become more flexible and strong.  

Yoga has become much more to me over these past few months and I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to be introduced to it by . . . a DVD.  I can acknowledge that it would probably have been more ideal to have worked with a certified yoga instructor but I can also be honest and say that if I had waited to start practicing until I could afford it, I would probably still be waiting.  Doing yoga DVDs at home was not only cheap but convenient since I didn't have to travel anywhere to do them.  I'd simply wake up in the morning, toss on some comfortable clothes and get to it!

I know many recommend that you start practicing yoga under the guidance of a real instructor to avoid injury.  A yoga teacher would know about alignment and help his/her student get his/her body into the proper form.  That one-on-one is missing with yoga DVDs.  But happily, many yoga DVDs today are actually very detailed and precise.  One such DVD is Living Room Yoga Strengthen and Lengthen.  Other DVDs while not as precise, are slow enough and simple enough as to be easily accessible to even the most rank beginner.  One such routine is the Fat Burning Yoga program on Crunch: Perfect Yoga Workout.  

I've read a number of times that sometimes yoga practicitioners struggle to develop a home practice. since they practice primarily under the guidance of teacher in a class setting.  I think since I started at home, I really developed a love for my practice at home in solitude.  Oh, I enjoy the energy of a class but I find home practice invigorating too.  Another wonderful thing about practicing and studying on my own first is that when I first arrived at class,  I had a pretty good idea of terminology and of what was going on in general. 

I'm not advocating that people begin their yoga practice the way I did.  But I will say that it worked for me.  These DVDs gave me a way to start practicing.  They made it accessible to me.  I won't lament how expensive yoga classes can be now that yoga is a trend.  I won't point out that only folks who are doing pretty well financially could swing unlimited yoga classes.  I will point out that I can practice yoga as often as I want at home with my DVDs and not worry about breaking the bank.  I will also say that there is a book out there that really helped me maximize my yoga DVDs and it's called 30 Essential Yoga Poses.  The book offers detailed explanations as to what the body should be doing in each pose and why each pose is beneficial as well as warnings and contraindications.  So I don't have to worry about breaking something.  

I do want to deepen and extend my yoga practice (physical and spiritual) so I hope to one day soon be able to find an instructor who can help me.  I actually want to find a guru.  I'm not in the position now, but I want to take classes on a regular basis at some point. Certain poses I refuse to try at home on my own such as plow pose or headstand.  But I want to get there with the help of a teacher.  So please don't take this post as minimizing the importance of yoga instructors and yoga teachers.   

So if asked which should come first, classes or at home, I'd say that's a very individual decision that is largely based on one's own personality (will you try to force your body into doing things it's not ready for or are you able to listen to your body), likes and dislikes (some folks don't like any form of solitary exercise), and last but not least, intuition (see the post below). 

Photo Credit

Personal Milestones in Yoga

When I was brand new to yoga, I was surprised that there were  more advanced poses that I could easily get into like half lotus pose (as opposed to simple cross-legged pose or sukhasana) or upward plank pose. I realized that people come to yoga at a wide array of starting points.  Me personally, I couldn't touch my toes in standing forward bend.  I couldn't touch my head to the floor in child's pose.  Certain poses like crane pose, chaturanga dandasana, and side plank pose were like a big joke . . . I couldn't even begin to get into those poses. 

While I still find these last three challenging, now that I've been practicing over a year, I am so pleased that I can get into the poses and stay there long enough to explore my breath and explore what's going on in my body.  I can stay there long enough to make adjustments and experience the benefits of these poses.  

But what has me straight tickled pink these days is that finally, I can get into upward wheel pose.  It seems like up until a month ago, I absolutely had to modify this pose.  I simply did not have the strength to get into the position and if I did get into it with help, I couldn't stay there for very long at all.  I had been modifying with bridge pose which is still a very lovely pose that my body likes and which I will still keep on doing depending on what my body says.

It's nice to mark the milestones in yoga.  Even nicer to note how many more there will be. 

Photo Credit

Power to the Peaceful Yoga

This is the yoga DVD I did today.  I wish I had read the Amazon.com reviews a little more thoroughly. While I'm not a rank beginner, I wouldn't classify myself as intermediate yet.  Usually, that's not too big an issue because yoga instructors on the DVDs will offer and/or demonstrate modifications to the advanced poses.  Not so in this DVD.  At first, it seemed there were some modifications as a nod to folks who are not as advanced.  And then the instructors completely forgot about beginners.  "Next pose, head stand."  They're in headstand for almost all the breaths before one of the instructors says that if you can't do it, lean against a door.  And if you can't get into the pose leaning against a door?  Just sit there and watch them do it!!  There was also very little in the way of detailed instructions as to what your body should be doing/feeling like in each pose which made me have to stop what I was doing and really get close to the computer to see exactly what they were doing. And then many times realizing there was no way I was going to get my body to do that--at least not today or anytime in the near future. :)

Anyway, I liked the DVD because it introduced me to some new poses after doing some real heat-building preliminary poses (sun salutations--fast).  I wished for a little bit more or at least (like Baron Baptiste does in Trainer's Edge Yoga) re-building the heat a bit after you've been doing more stationary poses.  I actually liked the music and didn't find it distracting.  The instructors counted breaths which helped me keep my mind focused on breathing.

The only thing I really took issue with was Sharon Gannon pushing vegetarianism and veganism.  I get it.  Some folks feel the way the eat is activism and is spiritual and can change the world and all that.  It's important to Ms. Gannon, I get that.  [I know that a dietary change including no animal products has changed folks' lives. Mine?  I think I complicated things for the worst.  I eat tofu?  Takes forever to digest sometimes with  massive amounts of gas. I eat a piece of salmon, by dinner, I'm completely empty--literally.]  Anyway, say it once and drop it.  Instead, she mentioned it once.  And then really pushed it a second time which was annoying.  I just wish folks, especially those traveling alternate paths from the dominant practices, would let up on certain things at times and give others space to do what makes them feel best/better.

I didn't mind the other philosophical speak that the instructors shared throughout the workout because I actually agreed with a lot of it. Much of what they said was in line with my own world view.  I really liked that the instructors on this video made such an effort to connect the practice of yoga in a meaningful way to our everyday living.

I skipped the mantra part in the beginning.  I need to look up the meaning before I jump right in to chanting it.  My relaxation/savasana was cut short by Z2 screaming.

I will probably look to do this DVD again in a few years when I am more advanced.  It's very different from others I have done and as much as I could, I enjoyed it.

2010 Fitness Goals?

Yup, I'm already thinking about what I'd like to achieve next year fitness-wise. My main goal next year is to really develop upper body strength. I want to be able to do push ups, chin-ups, planks, side planks, and all that. Right now, I'm barely able although I've come a long way since I started working out consistently in January. As is the case for many women, my upper body is a weak point and most of my strength is in my legs. I'd like a more even distribution and I'm looking forward to the challenge. My arms and shoulders are taking shape nicely and I'm pleased with the definition ("cuts") I'm starting to see. But what I really want are killer arms. :)

I found this useful article while googling tonight. And I've been doing The Trainer's Edge: Long and Lean Yoga by Baron Baptiste which is a huge challenge for me right now. By the end of 2010, I'd at least like to be able to keep up. See, what I love about yoga is that building upper body strength doesn't use weights--just your own body as weight. I agree wholeheartedly with Baptiste that this is a more functional, natural kind of strength-building. And while I don't totally discount lifting weights and enjoy lifting weights, I prefer yoga style strength training.

What are your 2010 fitness goals? Have you thought about it yet?

Photo Courtesy of http://www.thespafitnesscenter.com/myspa/index.html

A Book Review, Chocolate Cupcakes and a (Minor) Yoga DVD complaint

A few weeks ago, a visitor to my blog sent me a lovely e-mail in which she recommended the book Zenzele. I put it on hold at the library and as soon as it came in, was thoroughly overjoyed to put aside the utter borefest that isThe God of Small Things to get into it. And my enthusiasm was well warranted.

This slim book is simply stunning. I loved it and highly, highly, highly encourage you to read it. It's a letter written by a mother to her daughter who is on her way to study at Harvard. It's tempting when reading this letter to forget that it is fictional especially since so much of what is being spoken about in the story actually happened in Rhodesia (Zimbabwe). It captures so much emotion and details so meticulously much of the mother's history. It tells the mother's story with poignancy and honesty. There is so much wisdom in this little book. It is indeed political and there are times when it does get a little heavy-handed with the warnings of "what you should not become" but that just lent tremendously to the air or authenticity because, after all, that is what mother's tend to be sometimes, i.e. overbearing and heavy-handed--just because of the sheer weight of a mother's love and the soul-deep desire to see your children happy, successful and fulfilled.

I tell you, I would just love to have such a letter written to me by my mother. It would explain to me the reasons for the things she does--the things I'm so critical of her for. It would explain what I perceive as her passivity, what I perceive as her being too humble, not ambitious enough, not strong enough. It would open a door of knowing.

I was deeply moved by this book. I have to share with you this one excerpt from page 185:

"I no longer see the world as ready-made, requiring only that we occupy our own little spot and do unto others as we would have them do unto us, as the taught me at the Sunday school in Chakowa Mision. Like your father, I am coming to understand that this world is as yet unfinished. There is no Eden here ave the one we create for one another. Our mission is to complete and preserve the work that was started. And that is why we are created in God's image."

One hundred thanks to the sister who recommended it to me.

-------------------------------------------

Over the weekend, we had the chance to hang out with some friends that we've met because we share the similar goal of homeschooling our boys. We visited Stone Barn Center for Food and Agriculture which is a working farm that raises animals humanely and the way they are supposed to be raised, i.e. out in the open field eating their natural diet. Read more about what they do here. It was so interesting learning about the animals they keep there and the cooperation between the farmers and the chefs in the restaurant.

We really enjoyed ourselves tremendously and to celebrate a bit late Z1's birthday and the birthday of one of the other boys that make up our informal homeschooling group, I made chocolate cupcakes.

Here's my recipe for chocolate cake. Double this recipe and you will get 2 dozen cupcakes. Reduce the baking time to about 25 minutes. And, why yes, I did pull out my tips and pastry bag and get to decorating. I can't wait till I have more time to practice cake decorating. I really enjoy it.

This is the frosting recipe I use (comes from The Vegan Chef) and it works well every time.

Vanilla Buttercream Frosting

1/2 cup soy margarine, softened
1/4 cup soy milk, rice milk, or other non-dairy milk of choice
3 cups Veganized Powdered Sugar
1 1/2 t. vanilla

Using an electric mixer or in a large bowl with a hand held mixer, place the soy margarine and soy milk, and cream them together. Add half of the sugar, and beat well to combine. Add the remaining ingredients and continue to beat the mixture until light and fluffy.

*Note: For a Berry Frosting, add 1/4 cups mashed fresh or frozen berries, such as raspberries, strawberries, or blueberries.

For a Chocolate Frosting, add 1/2 cups cocoa powder or 1/3 cups melted vegan chocolate chips.

For a Coffee Frosting, substitute cold coffee or espresso for the soy milk in the recipe.

For a Mocha Frosting, substitute cold coffee or espresso for the soy milk in the recipe and add 1/4-1/3 cup cocoa powder or 3-4 T. melted vegan chocolate chips.

You can also stir in chopped nuts, chopped vegan chocolate, shredded coconut, or chopped fruit into the basic Vanilla "Buttercream" Frosting recipe to create additional variations.

----------------------------------

And last, but not least, practicing yoga at night has been great for me. I'm much more flexible since I've been moving around in the day but I'm also in wind-down mode. So tonight I attempted to do MTV Yoga and it was horrible. The pace was way too fast and I found myself wanting to hold positions for much longer. By the time I got comfortably into a pose, the instructor was 3 poses ahead. Breathing, which by now has become very natural for me to do correctly while practicing, was forced and I kept forgetting. It was like aerobic yoga which is not what I am looking for in the evenings. I'm looking for a strong yoga routine that builds heat but that doesn't leave me light headed and tense. I guess in the early morning, I was more up for this kind of routine but for the night, it's a no go. So, I started tonight but didn't finish which is rather disappointing although it is what it is.

Christianity and Yoga

So in my last post, I used a picture from a site called Inspired Woman Magazine. I went back to read the article that the picture was associated with and found an article entitled Christian Fitness: Should it Include Yoga?

Now, here is my disclaimer and my confession: I generally do not like Christians. There are a few that I have met that have been wonderful and I enjoy being around but invariably, I feel, there is a judgment thing going on with Christians. And I think that's part and parcel of the religion. Some Christians will say that God is the judge (when it comes to what happens to non-Christians after death) but then will also point to the "infallible" Word of God in terms of what happens if one refuses to accept Jesus as Lord and Savior. So, in other words, they *know* how God feels about things. The Christians I've liked and gotten along with so far will admit that they don't totally know the mind of God. They will acknowledge that there may be other spiritual paths just as valid as theirs.

And speaking as someone who grew up in a heavily Christian household, I know that I am biased against Christians and Christianity. I remember vividly being told when I was about 12 or 13 that yoga was basically evil. I wanted to ask questions but was silenced. It seemed as if anything that folks were ignorant about or that was different was called evil. Including (and maybe especially) our own indigenous religions.

But I digress . . .

Should Christians practice yoga? I guess that's something a Christian would have to seek God's face about. Yoga as it's presented in the West is a watered down version. It is indeed a whole philosophy and spirituality. Does that philosophy and spirituality stand at odds with Christianity? It depends on your brand of Christianity. But in my eyes, you can have a philosophy and a religion and the two might not be at odds. For example, you can have a philosophy of veganism and be Christian. You could ascribe to the philosophy of yoga and still be Christian. If you ate a vegan meal, I don't think that would cancel out or go against your faith? If you practiced yoga, I don't think that would go against your faith.

What is yoga anyway? I like this explanation the best. But yoga has also been described or defined as "union". I read somewhere that it is basically aligning yourself with God, the universe, etc. What I haven't read anywhere is that each pose is "in praise" of a different Hindu deity.

But isn't being a Christian simple? Isn't it to believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God, God Himself made manifest in the flesh, who came to die and whose blood is redemption and who by resurrecting on the third day conquered death and is now seated at the right hand of God? Isn't the work of a Christian to follow in Christ's path? It seems to me that yoga could be a legitimate way to work at your Christ-like-ness (for Christ exemplifies all the Yamas and Niyamas) and would not challenge your faith. To me, honestly, all these other add ons and rules that organized religions add on are just superfluous. Let's get to the root. Too many organized religions make it seem like there are 500,000 distractions (sent by the devil, of course) to get you off the narrow road. But according to the Bible, it's so simple to stay on the narrow road that a child could do it.

It's interesting how folks describe yoga as "new age". It's kind of like how "going green" is the "new black". I usually don't verbalize my thoughts on these things but it seems that all too often things originated by people of color are co-opted by White folks and given this new sheen, like it's the cool thing to do. As if there haven't been folks doing it forever and ever and ever. But what's more insulting is how so many times, there's not even a clear understanding of these practices and ways of being. It's not genuine. But be that as it may, it's what we often have here in the West. Many, many Westerners divorce the spiritual from the physical when it comes to yoga . . . so no, I don't see the problem with Christians practicing the physical aspects of yoga at all.

Well, I don't know if Christians should practice the spirituality of yoga (although it's been argued many times that there really is no separation) but I do know that if a Christian is interested, they should look to the root to get a real understanding of what yoga is just like they should look to the root to understand Christianity. They shouldn't rely on what someone tells them or what an article says. They should study. Be open-minded. Learn about it. And then see if it jibes with their own faith.

I ran across this blog which had some interesting insight.

Evening Yoga

Is fabulous! I really enjoyed tonight's yoga session. I did Living Room Yoga: Strengthen and Lengthen (my favorite yoga DVD, by the way). Since I've been moving about all day, I felt so limber and flexible. I got into the poses easily and I feel extra relaxed and strong right now. I was really able to focus since I wasn't rushing trying to finish before Z2 got up. This allowed me to get into myself more deeply and fine tune a lot of the poses. Even if aerobics and weight training don't work out so great for the evening, yoga will. Ahhh . . . namaste!

Photo courtesy of Inspired Woman Magazine.

Bend Over and Touch Your Toes!

Don't worry. I'm not going to be admitting to liking me some Lil Jon. But I am just thrilled to report that I can touch my toes!! Doesn't sound like a huge accomplishment but just four months ago when I made up my mind to get in shape, I couldn't do it. Now I can touch my toes and even the floor. Even the hubby has remarked on how much more flexible I am and has become very encouraging of YOGA.

I enjoy yoga tremendously and I'm so glad that I started. I still haven't taken a class yet but soon. One of my goals this year is to extend and deepen my yoga practice but really this is a life long goal. It's not just about arriving. It's about getting there too. And I'm enjoying the journey. I have learned so much about my body in this short time, it's actually pretty fascinating. I know where my weak points are now (like my ankles), where I carry my tension (at the back of my neck and shoulder blades) and how to let it go, that I can balance better on my left side (even though I'm right handed) and so much more.

So far, I have a few yoga DVDs/routines that I do:
Yoga for Urban Living (I'm still having issues with this DVD but I like it enough that I will repurchase it)
Living Room Yoga (I just absolutely love this one--I highly recommend it once you're no longer a rank beginner)
Crunch Yoga (this is great for easing yourself into yoga--it's got modifications an is really a neatly packaged introduction. There is very minimal emphasis on the spiritual in this practice but spirituality still seeped into it for me. Maybe not for everyone though.

I also do the Great Salutation on my own sometimes. I love this website too for a listing and explanation of the various poses.

I have a couple of books on Yoga too: Light on Yoga by B.K.S. Iyengar and Yoga Beyond Belief by Ganga White, two excellent resources to have. Another book that I don't own but regularly borrow from the library is Yoga Anatomy (those are links to the books on Google Books). Yoga Anatomy is a book you just have to see. It's fabulous.

Honestly, I do get frustrated sometimes because the weight is not coming off. While I'm stronger, I still don't see all that much definition because I'm holding on to the weight. I've started lifting more weights because muscle burns fat and I'm hoping to see a difference. I wonder if maybe I'm not doing enough cardio for long enough. My sistren recommended this The Firm Transfirmer system to me and I'm thinking about it. Do I need to do more though? Or something different? I actually would like to have a personal training session. I want to know will my belly button ever get back to the way it was before I had kids and if so, when.

Realistically, I know that while I'm nursing, I'm not likely to lose anything too fast. After I weaned Z1, I made absolutely no effort to exercise or lose weight but it dropped off and I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight in no time. I suspect it will be the same here.

Beyond that, I've been struggling with the challenge of getting enough sleep and getting up early to exercise. I'd been getting up at 5 religiously but ran out of steam mid-day. If I get up later, there's no guarantee that I will have time to exercise and chant/meditate/journal. And I hate having to make the choice between the two. But once the boys are up, really all my attention and focus is on them especially now that Z2 is so incredibly mobile (and daring). People suggest exercising with your children but honestly, I need to be in a certain focused mind space to exercise. I need to get into myself. My babies distract me. I noticed once when doing yoga while they were awake that my breathing was off and I found myself doing things in such a way that I could hurt myself. And we all know that not being well-rested is counterproductive to weight loss so . . . that's a challenge I'm working with.

But anyway, I love yoga and I encourage anyone and everyone to give it a try. It is truly for everyone. If DVDs don't do it for you, find a class and see. I saw that the local community colleges even offer classes now.

Photo courtesy of http://carrotsncake.com/2009/02/31-days-of-yoga.html

Ahimsa

Tuesday, the hubby's official day off and one of the very few that he didn't pick up an extra shift, was a busy day for my family. We moved around a lot. By the time we got around to our last stop, Home Depot and Costco, we figured the best thing to do was to split up so as to save time and get the boys home. So the hubby dropped me off at Costco with Z2 and took Z1 with him to Home Depot. At Home Depot, they were getting planks of plywood to build the raised boxes as well as potting soil and other things we need for the garden. At Costco, I was getting fruits and greens. We finished around the same time but the hubby was having a difficult time getting everything to fit into the car so I was waiting for him at the eating area trying to keep Z2 amused. He wasn't amused. He was cranky and tired and wanted to go home. In a few minutes, he turned from just being whiny to all-out crying. I did all I could to calm him down but he wouldn't be consoled.

Eventually, the hubby finished up and drove over to pick me and Z2 up. Then we got to share our stories. While the hubby was shoving planks of wood into the back of the car and trying to corral Z1 or otherwise get him to stop talking so he could focus, a guy was standing there talking incessantly about the great deals he was able to get at Home Depot Expo which is going out of business. Never once did he offer the hubby a hand or try to keep Z1 amused. While I was waiting at the eating area, a lady kept giving me stink looks as if somehow I could control Z2's crying anymore than I already was. In fact, one more stink look from that chick and I'm almost 100% sure I would have gone off on her.

From our experiences, we both marveled at how these days, there seems to be a sore lack of compassion. People see someone doing their best, trying their best and it doesn't stir up anything in them, doesn't make them think, "Hmmm . . . if that were me I would appreciate if . . .

Personally, I've been meditating on yoga philosophy, specifically the Yamas and the Niyamas, powerful principles to live by. A lot of the principles are not new to me but for some reason these days, they are more penetrating, more real. I can clearly see how they can lead to a more fulfilled life and, not to sound corny or anything, a peaceful world. Now, I know not everyone is willing to strive to live these principles but I can actually visualize the changes that would happen if we all did. Maybe one day we all will.

The Yama or Wise Characteristic of Ahimsa (literally translated as "nonviolence") is compassion for all living things came to my mind immediately as I thought about these situations that the hubby and I dealt with. Why? Because even though those two folks weren't exactly compassionate to us, we weren't compassionate to them either. Maybe that dude who was talking the hubby's ear off doesn't have anyone else to talk to. Maybe talking helps him to take his mind off some awful situation in his life. Maybe that chick who was giving me the stink looks had a raging headache or had such a difficult day that all she wanted to do was eat her pizza in peace and there Z2 was jacking everything up. We've all been in funky places where our behavior was less than stellar.

What about if we had enough compassion on ourselves to have ample compassion on others?

And it is clear to me that compassion is not the same as pity. Most people do not want pity. But we all need and want compassion. Why? Pity looks down. It comes from a place of superiority. Compassion, on the other hand, looks at and comes from a place of equality. Compassion doesn't mean that we give folks free passes to do foolishness to us, be abusive towards us, or put us in harm's way (because the most important compassion is towards our own selves). Compassion doesn't give people a free ride just because we can understand where they are coming from/where they are. Compassion does not mean we do not exercise proper judgment. But people feel compassionate energy. I've noticed with my children that when I'm compassionate to their frustration, anger or other emotions that cause them to do things they're not supposed to do (in Z1's case that's usually to throw something; in Z2's case that's usually to bite), I'm much more successful in getting the negative behavior to turn into positive behavior--much more quickly. I stumbled upon that realization when I was teaching too. In trying to help others, in trying to uplift others, having compassion and emitting it freely goes a long way in establishing that we are genuine and true. It goes a long way in turning the negative into the positive because we are able to be at (not get down to) the same level, the same wavelength.

How can we cultivate compassion? For those of us who enjoy meditation, there's the practice of Tonglen. On a more basic level, we can choose to actually listen to the experiences of others (even if they're not explicitly telling you their deal). We can take a moment to reflect upon situations (past or present) and infuse those situations with compassion simply because we have all been there and done that. Simply because we are all connected even if we don't like to admit it.

I'm working on a daily basis to cultivate the Yamas and the Niyamas in my life and trying to find ways to give these powerful principles to my children.

Image from commons.wikipedia.org: The hand with a wheel on the palm symbolizes . . . Ahimsa, meaning non-violence. The word in the middle is "ahimsa" in Sanskrit. The wheel represents the dharmachakra, to halt the cycle of reincarnation through relentless pursuit of truth.

Kemetic Yoga

Photo Courtesy of The Kemetic Yoga Association

A sister who reads my blog hipped me to the practice of Kemetic Yoga. I had never really heard of it before but my interest was certainly piqued. I know I'd really like to take formal yoga classes (and belly dancing classes too) at some point soon. After reading a little, a Kemetic Yoga class would be phenomenal to take.

"Yoga has been practiced for thousands of years in many cultures throughout the world. It is most commonly associated with the culture of India. A fact that is coming more into the common knowledge is that Africans in Kemp (Ancient Egypt) practiced Yoga many years before the evolution of the culture of India. KEMETIC Yoga is expressed in the artwork and spiritual writings found in the ancient tombs and temples. On wall paintings and sculptures we see figures in positions that we now know to be Yoga postures. In the ancient texts we are able to read about the principles and techniques of physical and spiritual perfection that the KEMETIC people aspired to.

From the earliest times it was known in Egypt that there is only one GOD, the One Truth. This is why a deep study of the many religions, mystery systems and myths around the world reveals ‘similarities’ in philosophy and symbolism; it is due to the one common source of them all. It is our duty to enquire deeply into the nature of that truth since knowing the exact truth is the basis of our well being."

-by Muata Ashby
Egyptian Yoga: Philosophy of Enlightenment

Here's some other sources of info I found on this type of yoga:
What is Kemetic Yoga?
Kemetic Yoga: An Ancient Art for Modern Living
Demystifying the Art and Science of Yoga--A quote from this article:

"The conscious alignment of the country woman’s spine as she gracefully carries baskets on her head and the meditative state of trance guided by traditional drum playing are more examples of yoga practice."

In Nigeria too you can still find that many women carry loads light and heavy perfectly balanced on their heads. I'd never thought of that in terms of yoga!

I'm very grateful to have been introduced to Kemetic Yoga. I'm very new to the practice of yoga and what I have found already is that often there can be a disconnect between the spiritual and the physical if one is not careful. There are plenty of yoga DVDs and instructions only aimed at the body with a cursory nod to the spiritual (of course, you can modify your own practice). What I find is that in trying to make yoga palatable to Westerners, it has been watered down and indeed disconnected. It is so wonderful, in my mind, to find a yoga that goes all the way back to Kemet, all the way back to the root. I hope to find a class/instructor of Kemetic Yoga nearby. This would be the yoga class I'd be angling to take first.

Ooooh-weee!

Just wanted to report that this morning, my legs are on fire! This is as a result of yesterday's workout. I'm glad too . . . it means I worked something that I haven't been working on.

I am seeing results, by the way. I'm losing weight slowly but I'm also getting toned up. More than all of that, I feel strong and energetic.

I'm not sure if I can get my stomach back to being the way it was pre-children because there's a lot of stretched out skin. I can feel the muscles underneath are getting more toned but overall, my stomach doesn't look much different. That's a bummer but oh well. I'm surprisingly comfortable and accepting of my stomach the way it is because it reminds me of what my body did.

On another note, I was looking in The Reader's Digest Back to Basics book (which has everything you ever wanted to know about back to basics/off the grid/back country living) curious about how to make perfume at home. Very interesting if not gross. You use lard to make it. You can get your scent from flowers or herbs/spices. Basically, you take lard that has absorbed the scent from the flowers and mix it with alcohol. That's back-to-basic perfume. I'm not so sure I can get with that. But then again, lard was originally used for making soap.

I woke up an hour late today I guess making up for the hour that was lost. I'm not sure if the boys will sleep till 7:45/8:00 today because of daylight savings or not so I'm off to try to squeeze in Radiant Heart Yoga before they get up.

-----------------------------
It's 7:11 right now and everyone is still asleep. I just finished Radiant Heart Yoga by Shiva Rea.
Since I've been learning about the chakras (currently learning about the throat chakra), I was intrigued by this DVD which focuses on the "heart center" or heart chakra. Overall, I feel this is an excellent offering by Shiva Rea who has a very peaceful and detailed way of instructing. The poses/moves she uses were at times challenging for me so I did the best I could. It is definitely not a DVD for pure beginners. My only qualm with the DVD is the way it was shot. I get that they wanted it to be artsy and the background to be calming (it was a very beautiful background indeed) but it was kind of dark and shadowy and I had a difficult time seeing what Rea was actually doing. That's my only real complaint.

Okay, so this DVD is not necessarily something I'd add on as part of my fitness routine. It's more of a moving meditation and a powerful one at that. She incorporates the chanting of "Aum" into the routine and the sound "Ha" in the sun salutation part. I enjoyed this DVD but not because I felt like it burned calories or toned me up. It was perfect to do after yesterday's workout and the soreness I am feeling today. This yoga is all about the heart center (chakra) and focusing energy and healing towards the heart while calling up positive characteristics such as love, compassion, and forgiveness. I could feel love all around and inside me while doing it and even right now. So I would say that in doing this routine, my heart chakra opened up. Shiva Rea achieves what she set out to do. It would be so nice to find other yoga DVDs focused on specific chakras.

Anyway, today's practice left me feeling energetic and bright even though the day is quite dreary. I'm ready to start my day feeling positive and joyful. While I don't think I'll be purchasing this DVD, I'm adding it to my wish list and I'll definitely check it out from the library on a regular basis.

New Things . . .

I find one of the best things about life is discovering and doing new things. So here, on the tail end of winter, it's nice to have some new things I'm doing.

New Thing 1: Knitting Socks
I've been knitting for a while now but this is the first time I've ever tried to knit socks. I'm using a pattern from Knitty called Monkey using Regia Silk sock yarn (a really nice yarn to work with) and they are turning out quite lovely. I think sock knitting could become addictive! Sock knitting is a small but functional project with some many possible variations. If I was focused completely on it, I don't doubt I could finish a pair in a week

New Thing 2: Sprouting seeds for the Garden
The seeds for the garden arrived yesterday. We bought seeds for tomatoes, peppers, carrots, kale, onions and chickpeas. Hopefully we'll spend Sunday sprouting the seeds that need to be started indoors. I think the last time I sprouted seeds I was in kindergarten so this counts as a new thing as far as I'm concerned.

New Thing 3: Yoga for Urban Living by Hemalaya Behl
Previewed the DVD and thought it would be a great one to have. I bought it on Amazon.com marketplace for a steal. Unfortunately, the copy I was sent is scratched so I couldn't really get through the routine earlier this week when I tried. The seller, however, seemed more than willing to send me a new one. I really like this particular yoga DVD--the set, the instructor and I'm hoping to have the new DVD here soon.

New Thing 4: Books I'm reading
I'm actually reading two books concurrently: Brick Lane by Monica Ali and World Made by Hand by James Howard Kunstler. Of course, when I'm done I'll review both but I will say this, neither book is that great.

New Thing 5: Chocolate Chocolate Chip Macadamia Cookies
Okay, I recognize that I am in ultra baking mode. It's winter. I'm in the house a lot. I love to bake. I love to eat what I bake. What can I say? I had the macadamia nuts just waiting to be used (okay, they could have waited longer) but I decided I wanted something chocolately. I used this recipe for the cookies but I substituted nuts for half the chocolate chips and used almond extract in addition to vanilla. I baked them for 12 minutes and they've not quite chewy (I like a cookie that's well done though). They're really good although Z1 won't touch them because they've got nuts in them. Oh well, he doesn't really need sugar anyway.

---------------------------------------
Saturday is Z1's godbrother's birthday party. It's at a Chuck E. Cheeses type place and I know I'd be hard pressed to find anything wholesome and nutritious for him there. I'll probably bake a few chocolate cupcakes for him to take. I have to figure out what good finger foods to bring along for him. If I get a chance today, I'll get on my message board and search for "vegan party food for kids" or something like that.
----------------------------------------
Right now, I'm procrastinating about working out because I just don't feel like it. I kind of wish it were a yoga day . . . I don't have to drag myself to do yoga. But I know I need cardio too especially if I'm to lose this weight. So . . . I'm going, I'm going.

Suffocating

I'm going to be a little bit real/revealing today.

The loneliness and isolation I often feel as a stay-at-home mom is suffocating and sometimes excruciating. On stay-at-home mom message boards you hear the concern a lot so I know it's common for women who make the choice to stay at home to feel this way.

I don't have many true-blue girlfriends to begin with. Somehow or the other, I just have never really had the opportunity to cultivate those friendships throughout my life being somewhat introverted and very "booky". Right now, I'd say, I'm pretty "different", I guess some would label me eccentric. I don't generally go with the flow and I *must* do my own thing. So here I am at 27 years of age and I can really only say I have about three friends, all of which I met as an adult. One lives far away (and we really only reconnected recently). The other is on her way to becoming a naturopathic doctor and has a child of her own so she's extremely busy. And the other works full time and has a child of her own and one on the way. Me and her generally do drive-by visits. Oh, and there's my sons' godmothers, one of whom lives in Ethiopia right now and before that lived in California.

I won't lie . . . sometimes I start to feel a bit sorry for myself and think that if I were back at work, I wouldn't notice the void so much because I'd be too busy running around. But going back to work so that I can ignore the void is not the answer, I know.

Trust me, I've reached out plenty of times. Joined meetup.com and other groups for stay-at-home moms. Somehow or someway, it just never really worked out and I have not been able to make real connections that way. I actually hate doing aerobics and would rather do yoga any day. I've been thinking about taking a yoga class. I also am interested in belly dance too and I know that would be a way to get fit that I'd actually enjoy. I'd like to take a class of that too. It struck me that classes might be a good way to make connection with all different kinds of folks (because while a good friend who was a stay-at-home mom and on the same tip as me regarding natural living and world view would be exactly what I need, I'm open to all kinds of connections). The problem is who would watch the children? There's really no money in the budget for babysitters and so I basically have to do things that I want to do alone while the kids are asleep or while the hubby is home. And since he's not home all that often, it leaves me with very little time.

Then I decide that it's silly to be worrying about making friends as an adult and I really should just turn on the radio, fold this laundry, knit this sock, read this book . . . but it's inescapable. Sometimes you just want to go over to your friends house and just sit. And it's magnified by 10x's in this cold, cold winter because generally when I feel this way, I could pile the boys into the stroller and walk for miles listening to music or something or go to the playground and absorb myself in playing with them. The snow and the cold make these things difficult if not impossible.

I get tired of taking the boys to the library, playground, and other activities where I end up basically talking and playing with my boys, while the adults ignore each other. Adults seem to want to avoid meaningfully connecting by all means. I recently called one lady who brings the children she watches to the library program we go to and while we seemed to have a good conversation at the library, on the phone she seemed disinterested and distant. I figured she only talked to me at the library, then, because I was there in person driving the conversation and face-to-face you often can't just be like, "leave me the hell alone." (It's a testament to my personal growth that I didn't personally feel rejected by her coldness on the phone.)

Anyway, many days the only other adult I speak to is the hubby and since lately he works so much overtime, I often find that the whole day has been spent talking to and dealing with children. I go to bed mentally and physically exhausted only to repeat the whole thing the next day. Recently, I've been making it a point to read at least one mentally stimulating article daily. Even if there's no one to talk to about it.

It's gotten to the point now where I don't even want to participate on message boards or comment on folks' blogs anymore. I'll ask a question or make a comment and no one responds to it. It makes me upset. I realize that what I really want is someone to talk to, to reason with, and most times, it's just not there. Instant messaging doesn't cut it . . . I can't be attached to my computer all day. The internet, all around, is a poor subsititute for a roll dog to vibe with and dialogue with.

The whole situation has me really re-considering homeschool. Honestly. If I don't have any connections myself, how will I help my children make connections? I want to homeshcool them but I don't want to cut them off from social interaction. I've been busting my behind trying to find it and I just can't. Sure they would go to music classes, martial arts classes, swimming classes, etc . . . but would that be enough? And where is the money going to come from to do all this extra stuff to make sure they have social outlets? We'd need more income and I'm not entirely sure I could work and do a good job with homeschool.

It struck me the other day that one of the better schools on the north side of the tracks claims to have closed enrollment, i.e. only kids who live in that zone can go there. But my sister-in-law sent her kids to a school on the north side and she says it was just a matter of talking to folks and making your demands known. This school is a blue ribbon school within walking distance. I substituted there a while back and was very impressed. I do believe Z1 and Z2 would do well there and it would give me a few years to think about what we'll do when it's time for middle school (absolutely no way in hell they will go to middle school in this town). While they're at school, I could work part-time somewhere or focus on getting an advanced degree--something that would give me flexibility and time for them. I definitely know that I don't want to go back to full-time teaching.

So, I'm telling you, it's suffocating. I love being here for my boys and being a stay-at-home mother, but like with every choice, there are consequences. You don't always know exactly what you're in for when you make a decision but being grown means you just handle it. So while I'm not depressed about it (because honestly, I have a lot of shit to do with a 3 and a 1 year old anyway--I can't sit around depressed too long about things), I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me, that it didn't make me sad at times. There's no easy solution to this. So all I can really do is take it one day at a time remaining as open as I can be to opportunities to connect.

(((shrugs shoulders))) Time to go work out . . .

More Light

"Sunrise" by Krugg6 on Flickr

I wake up early in the morning, usually at 4:45 latest 5:15. When you get up that early, you can't help but notice the sunrise. For a while now, by the time I get on the computer at 7:00, the sun is still very low. I need to turn on the light and there's no need to pull the curtains. One unexpected pleasure of waking up so early though, is that I have gotten the chance to experience the sunrise happening earlier and earlier. It gives my heart such a lift when at 6:15, light is peeking around the curtains. And right now, the curtains are all open and I need no lamp to see. I know I'm not the only one who gets a little sad when daylight savings time ends as winter rolls around and the days get shorter. They say from that point, you lose a minute of daylight until December 21 (winter solstice). It's pitch black before 5:00! So I can't be the only one who gets excited when the days start to get longer. I love the fact that by 5:30PM, I'm only thinking about closing up the curtains and drawing the blinds . . . there's still light out.

Light is, I see, so important to me. Especially the natural light given off by the sun and, to a lesser extent, by fire. It helps me emotionally in incalculable ways. An earlier sunrise and a later sunset means summer and the accompanying warmth is close by. Although I'm a winter baby, I need warmth--not the warmth of a heater but the warmth of the sun--to feel well all around.

On another note, I was lying down doing the final relaxation of my yoga routine. There I was focusing on taking deep breaths--inhale . . . exhale. It was very still. I could hear my guys sleeping in the other room. Isn't it interesting how we breathe the correct way when we are sleeping? Deep, full, cleansing breaths without even thinking too hard about it? It made me think about how much power resides in our unconscious states or in a state where our thoughts are not cluttering out mind . . . interestingly enough, I read about the Niyama (Codes for Living Soulfully) called Shaucha or Purity today.

"Shaucha, cleanliness, is the first niyama. Not only external cleanliness, like having a shower, brushing your teeth, etc., but purity of actions, purity of mind from evil and distracting, unnecessary thoughts and from bad, haunting memories."

Excellent article that I've been reading daily for the last few days: The Ten Living Principles--Yamas and Niyamas.

Sunlight is . . . pure. Enjoy more light and more love today.

"Suncatcher" by Ecstaticist on Flickr

FO: Yoga Mat Bag

I started this yoga mat bag a few weeks ago as an interim project while I figured out what to do about Emma's Sweater (I ran out of yarn for it). I really enjoyed working on it and I am so pleased with how it turned out. It fits the yoga mat perfectly. I really needed this project. The familiarity of crochet was comforting and the project was quick with nice results. In these days of my life where I'm constantly squeezing out minutes to do things, I'm pleased that it came out so well.

I crocheted it using a simple stitch pattern of 2 rows double crochet and one row single crochet with every third stitch a bobble. I used single crochet for the strap and edged it with crab stitch. I added a red cotton drawstring and wooden beads which in addition to the wool that the bag is primarily made out of, to me, make the bag more alive and organic which is quite symbolic as it's the bag that holds the mat that facilitates my yoga practice.

I still can't believe I actually have a yoga practice and I never imagined I would enjoy it so much. I'm looking forward to delving more deeply into the principles and the practice. In the mornings, I read some of The Ten Living Principles--Yamas and Vinyamas. Some other resources I'm glad to have found are Yoga Journal, a description of the eight kinds of yoga, and Yoga Today, a resource that I can hardly believe is free. I previewed Hemalaya Behl's Yoga for Urban Living and I liked it a great deal. I purchased it for less than $7 secondhand, shipping and handling included. I think it's a nice addition to my collection. Sometime in the future, I hope to take a real class. Yoga just feels . . . right.

Namaste.

"Sunset Yoga" by GrahamKing on Flickr