Knitting as Meditation?

I just finished reading a book by Susan Gordon Lydon called The Knitting Sutra: Craft as Spiritual Practice.

It was an interesting read and overall I liked the book. Lydon, a recovering drug addict, writer and master knitter, details how through her knitting she was able to heal herself and find her way spiritually. She tells of how she jumped from one religious practice to another trying to find her true path. Somehow, the act of knitting led her to the conclusion that her own path was something she alone could articulate and find. While reading the book though, I worried that her obsessive knitting was actually just a replacement for her drug addiction. Sometimes I felt that way but other times, I really did see how the absolute concentration of doing intricate knitting work could just be that absorbing.

Well, it's a funny thing . . . I was looking for a book to detail just how (i.e. the steps by which) we may turn crafting into prayer. Lydon does a good job of explaining how in many indigenous cultures, that's what it is but it is certainly not a blueprint for doing so in your own crafting. Still, this book re-inspired me to pick up my needles and I started a new project--a soaker--probably the last one I will ever need to knit. I also realized that for the time being, I am going to stick to small, simple projects to reduce the frustration and increase the enjoyment. As the kids get older, though, I'm determined to become a better, more advanced crafter (sewing, knitting and crochet).

I have to admit, though. It's a little off-putting (just a smidge) all this new age-y type books (check out on Amazon.com all the suggested related titles to Lydon's book) that place emphasis on both knitting and meditating, two things which are now ultra-chic but which the ancients have been doing since, well, ancient times. It feels like folks are trying to make a profit from something that should be obvious, that should have been passed down but somehow wasn't, something that wound up lost but really isn't. But I believe that if knitting/crafting and meditating or knitting/crafting as meditating can be reintroduced to us to bring more peace to our lives, bring us back to our roots, and reconnect us to the Earth and to each other, then it's really all good.

So, when you craft (cook, knit, sew, crochet) is your work a meditation? Or are you more focused on the finished product? I tend to be outcome oriented but after reading this book, I'm once again inspired to find "the stillness within, a way to contact the soul" through my work.

Ahimsa

Tuesday, the hubby's official day off and one of the very few that he didn't pick up an extra shift, was a busy day for my family. We moved around a lot. By the time we got around to our last stop, Home Depot and Costco, we figured the best thing to do was to split up so as to save time and get the boys home. So the hubby dropped me off at Costco with Z2 and took Z1 with him to Home Depot. At Home Depot, they were getting planks of plywood to build the raised boxes as well as potting soil and other things we need for the garden. At Costco, I was getting fruits and greens. We finished around the same time but the hubby was having a difficult time getting everything to fit into the car so I was waiting for him at the eating area trying to keep Z2 amused. He wasn't amused. He was cranky and tired and wanted to go home. In a few minutes, he turned from just being whiny to all-out crying. I did all I could to calm him down but he wouldn't be consoled.

Eventually, the hubby finished up and drove over to pick me and Z2 up. Then we got to share our stories. While the hubby was shoving planks of wood into the back of the car and trying to corral Z1 or otherwise get him to stop talking so he could focus, a guy was standing there talking incessantly about the great deals he was able to get at Home Depot Expo which is going out of business. Never once did he offer the hubby a hand or try to keep Z1 amused. While I was waiting at the eating area, a lady kept giving me stink looks as if somehow I could control Z2's crying anymore than I already was. In fact, one more stink look from that chick and I'm almost 100% sure I would have gone off on her.

From our experiences, we both marveled at how these days, there seems to be a sore lack of compassion. People see someone doing their best, trying their best and it doesn't stir up anything in them, doesn't make them think, "Hmmm . . . if that were me I would appreciate if . . .

Personally, I've been meditating on yoga philosophy, specifically the Yamas and the Niyamas, powerful principles to live by. A lot of the principles are not new to me but for some reason these days, they are more penetrating, more real. I can clearly see how they can lead to a more fulfilled life and, not to sound corny or anything, a peaceful world. Now, I know not everyone is willing to strive to live these principles but I can actually visualize the changes that would happen if we all did. Maybe one day we all will.

The Yama or Wise Characteristic of Ahimsa (literally translated as "nonviolence") is compassion for all living things came to my mind immediately as I thought about these situations that the hubby and I dealt with. Why? Because even though those two folks weren't exactly compassionate to us, we weren't compassionate to them either. Maybe that dude who was talking the hubby's ear off doesn't have anyone else to talk to. Maybe talking helps him to take his mind off some awful situation in his life. Maybe that chick who was giving me the stink looks had a raging headache or had such a difficult day that all she wanted to do was eat her pizza in peace and there Z2 was jacking everything up. We've all been in funky places where our behavior was less than stellar.

What about if we had enough compassion on ourselves to have ample compassion on others?

And it is clear to me that compassion is not the same as pity. Most people do not want pity. But we all need and want compassion. Why? Pity looks down. It comes from a place of superiority. Compassion, on the other hand, looks at and comes from a place of equality. Compassion doesn't mean that we give folks free passes to do foolishness to us, be abusive towards us, or put us in harm's way (because the most important compassion is towards our own selves). Compassion doesn't give people a free ride just because we can understand where they are coming from/where they are. Compassion does not mean we do not exercise proper judgment. But people feel compassionate energy. I've noticed with my children that when I'm compassionate to their frustration, anger or other emotions that cause them to do things they're not supposed to do (in Z1's case that's usually to throw something; in Z2's case that's usually to bite), I'm much more successful in getting the negative behavior to turn into positive behavior--much more quickly. I stumbled upon that realization when I was teaching too. In trying to help others, in trying to uplift others, having compassion and emitting it freely goes a long way in establishing that we are genuine and true. It goes a long way in turning the negative into the positive because we are able to be at (not get down to) the same level, the same wavelength.

How can we cultivate compassion? For those of us who enjoy meditation, there's the practice of Tonglen. On a more basic level, we can choose to actually listen to the experiences of others (even if they're not explicitly telling you their deal). We can take a moment to reflect upon situations (past or present) and infuse those situations with compassion simply because we have all been there and done that. Simply because we are all connected even if we don't like to admit it.

I'm working on a daily basis to cultivate the Yamas and the Niyamas in my life and trying to find ways to give these powerful principles to my children.

Image from commons.wikipedia.org: The hand with a wheel on the palm symbolizes . . . Ahimsa, meaning non-violence. The word in the middle is "ahimsa" in Sanskrit. The wheel represents the dharmachakra, to halt the cycle of reincarnation through relentless pursuit of truth.

Discipline Makes Things Easier

I never make new year's resolutions but I do have ongoing goals which I'm trying to achieve. One goal is to lose weight and get fit. It seems like that is everyone's goal though.

Anyway, I slept for 45 extra minutes today. Z1 didn't sleep well at all last night. So I got up, checked my e-mail quickly and then started meditating. I wrote in my journal, "I woke up 45 minutes late today so I won't be able to work out or shower before the boys get up."

But I ended doing both things and I even have a minute to blog.

I've been bullshitting. Blogging is great and I enjoy it immensely. Reading blogs is also highly informative and entertaining. But these two things eat away at what should be my priority--fitness. It's easy to sit down and write and read. I enjoy these things. I don't like exercising though so I bullshit about it and complain I don't have the time.

Dead Prez (<3) recorded a song called "Discipline" which I've always loved but which takes on new significance and meaning as I get older. It is my mantra this year:

Discipline, discipline (practice makes perfect)
Discipline, discipline (Health is wealth)
Discipline, discipline (All things in moderation
Discipline, discipline (Plan your work; work your plan)

I exercised this morning and I feel strong and great. It's challenging to get moving but once you are, your body and soul appreciates it.

My routine
Wake up.
Center self. Write in journal. Read. Meditate. Chant.
Exercise.
If there's time, do all else.

Blogs can wait. E-mail can wait. Message boards can wait.

I can't.

I must say that this is the first day that I've meditated in front of my altar (post and pictures forthcoming) and I am thoroughly amazed and blessed by how focused things became this morning just by being in a set-aside, sacred space. I'm glad that I finally put the altar together. I meditated and then I decided to exercise even though the computer was calling me.

Discipline makes things easier. Organize your life.

I found a cute book

I borrowed it from the library. It's called Buddha at Bedtime by Dharmachari Nagaraja and I like it. It's not too preachy and basically presents the precepts of Buddhism in the form of stories for children. It is colorfully illustrated and really eye-catching and I just might purchase it at some point.

Generally, however, by 8 o'clock though, Z2 is too agitated and sleepy for us to read or do anything in peace. I may (and have been leaning towards) cutting out watching Wheel of Fortune (okay, laugh if you will) which comes on at 7:30. WoF is basically the only television I watch. If we start our bedtime routine at 7:30, it will give time (in terms of Z2's temperament) for us to read Buddha at Bedtime, do a visualization and get back to the candle meditation I used to do with Z1 before Z2 was born. I'm looking forward to when Z2 will appreciate these things too.

Vision Boards and Other Meditation Tools

I want to focus on putting up a vision board in the space where I do my 5.5.5. I already did a vision statement using powerpoint but I want something tangible that I can see without opening up a program. I'd also like to make a Chakra poster that helps me organize the functions of each chakra, its strengths/weaknesses, and corresponding affirmations/meditations. I'm not sure how long it will take me. I'm pretty sure working on it will be next to impossible so long as "put everything in my mouth" Z2 is on the loose. So it might have to be an early morning project. I will need poster paper/oaktag, markers and pictures from magazines.

I'm looking online to get ideas about how to do each project. Can't wait to have it done and post pictures.

5.5.5.

No, I'm not talking about some great delivery pizza deal.

On Friday, I attending a meet-up of stay-at-home moms and the hostess introduced the mantra "Five, five, five" which means that first thing in the morning, you take 5 minutes to Read, 5 minutes to Write and 5 minutes to meditate.

Now, this is not a new concept to me in any way. Before Z2 was born, I was doing this diligently every morning usually outside on my back porch weather permitting. I felt centered and calm. Z2 is nine months and I have not been able to get back in the practice. It seems like I can never get up early enough to have some time to myself and at night I honestly don't feel like doing it. I don't necessarily feel like being that "into" myself so late especially since I already have trouble falling and staying asleep (and breastfeeding at night doesn't help one bit with that). It's the same reason I'm still carrying ALL of my pregnancy weight around because the time to exercise eludes me (Yes, I know, I'm supposed to work out with the kids but, honestly, I need to focus when exercising and I can't even take a nice long walk listening to my Ipod because Z1 is usually yapping away.) I have not yet been able to find that morning time that I need but I think it's because I have not been willing to get up early. I have not been willing to go to sleep early. It's 1:44AM as I type this. I should have been sleeping already for maybe two hours. I generally fall asleep with the boys at 8:30 and stay asleep (passed out) till 11 or 12. That's how I end up being awake at obscene hours of the morning reading blogs, posting to mine, and on message boards. And how the time to exercise and do things like 5.5.5. in the morning gets scuttled away. Truthfully, discipline, serious discipline is one aspect of true wealth.

Anyway, this morning I woke up just 15 minutes earlier (I set an alarm instead of allowing Z2, the human alarm, to wake me up). I was able to get the 5.5.5. in although I admittedly spent way longer than 5 minutes journaling which is most therapeutic and helps me to get into myself the deepest. I realized that the book that I had relied on for a while in terms of affirmations and self-healing (Meditations to Heal Your Life by Louise Hay) is, in many ways, irrelevant to how my views and ideas of God/the Universe are evolving. At one point, Iyanla Vanzant's book of daily meditation/devotionals just started to piss me off instead of helping me focus. It's so interesting to me that in the time that I have been neglecting reading, journaling and meditating, that my ideas about the Creator have come to such a turning point.

I'm in a place of questioning. I'm not completely convinced that the Creator is all-knowing, all-powerful, all-mighty. I'm not completely convinced that the Creator is love and always has my best interests at heart and has some kind of master plan in the works for me (which is why Ms. Hay's and Ms. Vanzant's books are troubling). I'm not completely convinced that the Creator is even actually interested in the day-to-day runnings of human affairs and is control of things. The evidence seems to say, at least to me, that it made this whole thing (the earth, humans, this universe, etc), set it in divine (and dare I say, perfect) order, gave human beings the intellect and skill to correctly navigate the world if they would just tune in to its rhythm, and then moved on to something else. I mean, I know I'm blessed in many ways but I'm having a difficult time understanding how blessings are distributed amongst us as humans (and even animals). Don't get me wrong. I'm immensely grateful for everything I have and tell the Creator so but I do it more so for the energetic aspect of giving thanks (because gratitude is very powerful)than because I think it is actually listening. I just really don't know. I hope so.

So the final 5 minutes were basically spent talking to the Creator (which involved having faith that it was listening), asking it to help me understand it better or get to a place of peace about not understanding it or a place of peace/comfort/confidence in my (limited) understanding of it. I basically asked for it to prove itself in a way that would be undeniable to me because honestly, I want to believe (I think having faith is supposed to make life a lot easier because it gives you something outside of yourself to rely upon). I think once I can really solidify what I believe about God (and I feel like I'm close), it will make doing things like 5.5.5. much easier and straightforward. I would know where to look. I could be focused.

Anyway, I've put a few Buddhist devotional books on hold at the library as I think and hope these might work better for me as my daily spiritual reading exercise.

I'm going to try to keep up with 5.5.5. and I hope to see a turnaround in my not-so-bright disposition of late. I'm also trying to corral my thoughts as they have been so out-of control negatively for a while now (what with my hair issues, weight issues, clothes issues and money issues which all lead to some serious insecurities about almost everything including my social interactions). This is the one thing that Meditations to Heal Your Life is excellent for--turning your thoughts around. Interestingly enough, I'm finding myself being very resistant to changing my thinking right now. So . . . I'm going to have to really, really put a lot of effort into pushing negative thoughts out to invite positivity and a bright outlook back into my life. I think I should go talk to Z1 about that one. That is one sunshine-y kid! :)

How are you coping spiritually/mentally . . .

In light of this impending economic collapse?

How are you staying balanced and not panicking?
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The hubby and I finally sat down and really looked at our books. Thank God for savings. We are hardly breaking even. Groceries have skyrocketed--I bought 5 lbs of flour for 3.50 last month. The same bag of flour was $4.50 last time I went. I am not kidding. This damn car payment. The mortgage. Incidentals and Accidentals. I'm regretting every purchase I've made over the past few months even though intellectually I know that I'm not a frivolous spender. But maybe I could have waited on that Vitamix (though it is really facilitating the green smoothies and I feel really good inside--better than I have in a long time--the other blender wasn't so bad, was it?). And why didn't I put an end to organic groceries month ago? Boy, the belt has just gotten tighter. Feels like a damn girdle. DH is working madd overtime. I'm looking for a way to bring in some kind of income without going back to work full time (would any one even hire me?).

So, I really need to get back to doing my journaling with discipline. Doing my affirmations. Something to help me stay balanced and not panic.

Was going to blog about pasta and tofu "meat" balls. Maybe tomorrow. I'm tired. And worried.