Excited About Gardening

Okay, if you know me, you know I have a serious phobia of snakes. I can't even stand to look at them on television or in books. A few weeks ago, Z1 and I were studying about jungles and it took such courage on my part to read about and look at the pictures of snakes. I'm relieved that that unit is over. Anyway, it is my phobia of snakes that has kept me from starting a garden all this time.

But if you have your feelers out, you will know that over the next few months, things are expected to get a lot tighter. The predictions are dire and everyone is encouraged to become more self-sufficient. I've been feeling that way a long time . . . even before I started reading and learning the knitty-gritty details about peak oil. Nothing lasts forever and the U.S., with all it's extravagances and luxuries that people take for necessities, will eventually have to go the way of the Roman Empire. The Bible says that for everything there is a season. The U.S. is no exception.

I digress. We are going to start a garden. I am going to be brave about snakes. When I encounter a snake, I will step back, call the hubby or one of my nephews and have them remove it. I will not panic.

I went to the library today and picked out a few books for beginning to garden. From going to the farmer's market, I have a pretty good idea about the kinds of crops that grow well in this region such as tomatoes, onions, and sweet peppers. We've identified where we would like to start the garden and this weekend, we're going to turn the soil over and fertilize/put down manure. Fall is the time to do it so that it will be ready for the spring.

I'm a city girl, through and through and playing in dirt is not my idea of a good time. I'm hoping though that I will enjoy it, get the hang of it, and be very productive. Shucks, if I could I would have been keeping chickens a long time ago because organic, free-range eggs are too damn expensive and who knows if they are feeding the chickens organic soy instead of an organic variety of grains and bugs. Anyway, I'm excited but the task is also daunting.

Spending Way Too Much on Groceries

So for some reason, this month's grocery bill is significantly larger than the last few months. Well, actually, I do know the reasons. Firstly, I've been going to Whole Paycheck more often than I really should be out of convenience since the Farmer's Market and Whole Paycheck are in the same town. I'd generally hit up the Farmer's Market, swing around and go to Whole Paycheck since it's nearby. I spend on average about 30% more, I would say, at Whole Foods than at any other grocery store. Granted, they have some of the specialty items I need for vegan baking and cooking but honestly, I can make one trip a month to get all the specialty items I need and leave it at that. That's what I was doing and somehow, I fell off the bandwagon. Secondly, I've been committed to drinking the green smoothies and I've been trying to do organic greens and fruits. This has proven to be quite costly. So I found this list (actually, I've known about this list for a while and just remembered about it when I tabulated this month's grocery costs) which basically gives a breakdown of the foods that are most and least heavily sprayed. Looks like I can stop buying organic bananas and onions (which I use a lot). I'm going to print out this list and put it in my wallet.

I started keeping track of the grocery spending back in May and slacked off over the summer. It was really surprising to see how much I've spent in September alone (I kind of knew it would be a bit exorbitant just from the receipts I have in my wallet). So now, I'm trying to get the spending on groceries in some kind of control and stick to a budget. It's true that we rarely eat out so the grocery bill will be kind of high in comparison to some of my friend's and family's bills. But it doesn't have to be crazy.

I often think about

What I will do when the kids are older and don't really need me as intensely as they do now. Oh, I have lots of ideas about the things I'd like to do. But the truth is, my confidence is sorely lacking. I like to write but I'm not convinced I have what it takes. I contemplate going back to school to get my Ph.D. in something like anthropology/nutrition. I know that I excel in academics but do I really think well enough to do something novel in the field? Or will I just be another Ph.D.? I'm not trying to pay for any more school. Am I competitive enough to get a fellowship? I already started a home-based baking business that really has not taken off. Today, I re-vamped it a bit focusing exclusively on baking cookies (Check out the myspace page). All while working on it, I did not feel the least bit hopeful or optimistic. At the end of all that, I wonder if I should just go back to teaching. I know I really wouldn't want to teach because I don't feel that teaching is family-friendly at all. But I have the degree. I know I can do it. I don't know that I'd be a phenomenal teacher but I'd be okay. I could work on becoming phenomenal. Maybe after I teach for a while, I could pursue an advanced degree? Teach on the college level? Do research? That would give me the qualifications I need to open up my own school here or in Africa.

My one encouragement is that as the children start to need me less that it will become very obvious to me what is it that I should do to attain success in my own eyes because I will have the energy to look for and pursue it. I think I haven't yet stumbled upon what it is I'm really supposed to be doing. I don't have the time or the energy right now and I wonder will I ever have the luxury of "finding myself". As always, there's the nagging pressure of reality and the need to "pull one's own weight" and when the kids (who are my main job) are not so needy anymore . . . It's cool having the hubby provide financially for now but I know that at some point, mama wants to bring home the bacon too.

I know that 3/4ths of success is having the right mindset. It just seems that when I get excited and hyped about something, fully believing it's going to work, it just doesn't. I've done the whole manifesting thing, thinking positively, making affirmations--the whole nine yards. I have a vision statement that I faithfully looked at every day to encourage myself. Many of the things in that vision statements are still not anywhere close to being reality. My hair was one of those things. My allergies another. I affirmed coming into money for months and months and thought that by now surely my car would be paid off somehow. Every idea I got for making money, I pursued it thinking it was divine inspiration. I just don't know. I'm in such an interesting place spiritually.

The one thing I am excited about and (I think) very successful at is mothering and homemaking. I pour 110% of my energy into it and I seem to get 110% returns. That is why I'm so focused and passionate about it.

A part of me wishes that I had gotten a career in order or achieved some kind of goals (beside graduating college) before I settled down and had children. It's next to impossible to really focus on yourself/hear yourself think while taking care of a busy household. It's past midnight right now. I have to be up by 6:30/7:00 to take Z1 to his structured playgroup tomorrow. I feel like I'm stealing time just to post this.

Here's to figuring all this stuff out. I hope it's resolved by the time I'm 30. For real, yo.

I popped . . .

My double stroller tire. I have a Phil & Ted's Sport and the tires are all air-filled which makes walking really enjoyable. Usually on Saturday, I take the boys for a nice long walk in the stroller. I look at houses and listen to music, Z1 chatters away and sings to himself, and Z2 just cools out. So around 4:00 PM, I wrassle Z2 into the stroller because the brother really hates being strapped into anything. I head out. Along the way, I notice that a car repair shop is open and so I figure I might try to get them to help me put some air in the tires. There were three mechanics: two young ones and an older one who I think owned the place. One of the young ones comes over to help me and asks the older one permission to fill the tire. The older one tells me that I have to take the children out of the stroller but after struggling to get Z2 in there, I really don't want to. So I tell him that it's okay, that I've filled it before with them in there and it was not a problem. He is not having it and says to the younger guy that if I don't take the kids out, that I should do it myself because "I don't want nobody coming after me". Now, I don't know who crossed him before but isn't such a damn shame that in this society we live in, you can't trust people anymore? I really didn't want to do it myself as I had on a not-so-comfortable skirt and I didn't want to mess up my hands. But whatever, the guy got the hose out for me. It was a strange looking hose and I had to fiddle with it quite a bit. A first I was just taking air out of the tire and then I realized that the other nozzle would probably put air into the tire. So I finally get the air pumping and I'm about to take the nozzle off to check the pressure with (oh so cute, bought specifically for this purpose) pressure gauge when **PLAM**. The tire explodes. Shit. Not only am I embarrassed as hell (because it looks like I don't know what the hell I'm doing even though I've done it tons of times before) but my tire is busted. I can't even patch it. That's how busted it is.

I call the hubby. He asks how it happens and I tell him and he says, "Well, I can't do anything from work, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah" and I say to myself, "Self, now why did you waste your time calling him? . . . you knew what he would say." So I call around to some other folks to see if I can get some numbers to somewhere--just trying to figure out what to do next. I'm rolling my broke down stroller the two or three blocks it takes to get back home. I get my niece to get me the number to a baby store where they carry my stroller and I find out they don't carry parts but that any bike store would. The only bike store I know is two towns over. Meanwhile, the hubby has called me like 4 times already while I'm on the phone. I'm finally call him back like, "Yes?" And he says, "There's a bike store on the avenue"--I cut him off because I'm already driving to the one I know. Why didn't he volunteer this info when I called him? Whatever.

By the time I get to the bike store, The Z's are knocked out cold. Darn it. Z1 has no bladder control when he's sleeping. Anyway, I put Z2 on my back and Z1 in the single stroller and go and get a new tube. Z1 is still sleeping. I head over to the grocery store across the street but then decide to go back to the bike store to get a pump because honestly, I'm tired of folks snickering at me and asking me if I know what I'm doing when I go to the gas station to put air in the tires. Z1 is still sleeping. Of course, he's peed on himself. Great.

I was planning to make some cornbread following this recipe from perhaps my favorite food blog Nyam: Adventures in Cooking and Eating. Would the grocery store have some simple, plain old corn meal? Of course not. That would be too easy.

The day would have been a complete bust if three things had not happened earlier:
1. We went to the thrift store and I was able to score 5 books for a dollar a piece:The Temple of My Familiar by Alice Walker, Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt, Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden, The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini and Interpreter of Maladies by Jhumpa Lahiri. I've read The Kite Runner and Memoirs of a Geisha before but they are definitely ones to have in the library and to re-read. I'm looking forward to reading the other three after I get done with what I'm reading now (A Tree Grows in Brooklyn).
2. We went to get Z1 some sneakers that he could wear with thicker socks for the fall. The price on the box read $29.99 but they rang up $20.73. WooHoo. It's great to be a "preferred customer" even though I'm not sure what qualifies me for that. Granted, these sneakers are themed sneakers (Disney Pixar's Cars) and they light up but Z1 was so pleased with them, I couldn't deny him. He's never even seen Cars but I guess he likes the character (Lightning McQueen).
3. We went to the playground and after we were there for a while, my good friend and her two kids arrived quite unexpectedly. Oh, Z1 was beside himself and it was such a joy to see how lovely and nice her two babies are growing, so tall, healthy and beautiful. My friend and I re-committed to seeing each other regularly again.

So overall, it was a good day with some bumps. The boys have been down almost an hour. The kitchen is clean. All the towels and table linens have been changed. I'm about to make a cup of tea and relax until the hubby gets home.

Emergency Preparedness

It has been in my spirit for many months now to become prepared for an emergency. Life is busy and hectic and so I haven't really made a concerted effort to focus on emergency preparedness. A sistren of mine forwarded a long-list of emergency preparedness tips to me eons ago. I will be reading it over again and taking steps to prepare. The water filter, I think, is one good step in the right direction. I also want to make sure that my pantry is very well stocked. I will be organizing and preparing even though in the case of an all out disaster, no amount of preparedness may help. Doesn't hurt to try. I hope we never have to live through a disaster, though. But after Hurricane Katrina, I realize that disaster is always a possibility.

The time right now is very crucial. There are changes happening all over and we all need to be prepared physically, mentally and spiritually. Sometimes when I start to worry about things here in the States, I get antsy and in my mind I start to think that it would be best to just leave. Move to Ghana or something. I don't want to live in a police state. I don't want my children to suffer. I want to be free. But in reality, the world is one place. There is no escape. We have to make the place where we are the place where we want to be, if that make sense.

I found this site which gives tips of the day. I'm going to put our car kit together and get our water supply together this weekend. Anyway, if you know of any other good sites for emergency preparedness (practical not alarmist), please forward them to me.

Filtering Water

So two years ago when I went back to work, one of my foremost goals was to get a water filter. While the water in my town is pretty good it still smells like chlorine, I worry about lead in the pipes and fluoride (which I believe is not to be ingested) and I hate the way the water tastes. I wanted something that was pretty comprehensive in terms of what it removed from the water and had settled on a reverse osmosis filter from Multi Pure. Well, that job pretty much took over my life and for the few months I worked it, I didn't do anything beside work so I forgot about the water filter and we've been using bottled water--drinking almost a bottle a day. I remember learning a while back that bottled water may only be nominally better than regular old tap water not to mention the amount of waste that accumulates from water bottles (although we do recycle them).

There are issues with the reverse osmosis (RO) system though. The first issue is logistic. We have an old enameled cast iron sink. We'd have to hire someone to drill a hole so that we could install the RO system. Another issue is that since our kitchen is quite old, the pipes underneath the sink are leaky. It's a bit crazy under there. Stuff is held together with putty and ropes and stuff. I'm not sure how an RO system would fare under there. Furthermore, in another couple of years, we'd like to redo the whole kitchen. At that time, we could have the RO system installed. The second issue is that RO systems remove all minerals from the water (including the mineral I want removed: fluoride). I believe we need some of these trace minerals. One way to take care of that problem is to buy trace minerals and add it to the water or take it just like you would any other supplement. I *hate* taking supplements and I would just loathe having yet another supplement to take but I guess it wouldn't be too hard to filter a pitcher of water and add the minerals to them.

So in the meanwhile, I think we will just go ahead an get a Multi Pure on-the-counter filter. I've done the research and Multi-Pure is a stand up company who I feel very comfortable buying from. We will recoup the cost of the filter in less than a year (since we drink about 1 bottle of water daily). To the hubby, this is an exciting prospect and it makes purchasing it very sensible all-around. In 7-year's time, when we go to renovate the kitchen, I will get the RO unit and the on-the-counter unit will have (hopefully) served us well.

Today's Green Smoothie

Yesterday I went to the market and decided to branch out from the kale and spinach that I've been using exclusively to make my green smoothies. I bought some red Swiss chard and also some dandelion greens (in addition to my regular greens). This morning, I used the Swiss chard for the smoothie and it was delicious. Here's the recipe.

One ripe mango, peeled and flesh taken off the seed
1 cup pure water
Juice of one lemon
One bunch Swiss chard
2 bananas

Blend in Vitamix till smooth. It was quite good.

There are two schools of thought when it comes to these green smoothies. One school says it's best to have a larger percentage of greens than fruit. The other school, of course, says the opposite. I don't know what school I belong to yet but I really enjoy fruity green smoothies although I don't mind the slight bitterness of really green ones.

Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe

Has got to be my favorite book of all time. I cannot even keep count of how many times I have read it and I just finished it again last night.

I'm an Igbo girl cut off from my culture. I'm not sure if my parents did this on purpose although I think they did. It wouldn't be a stretch to say they were fanatically Christian (with all the fervor of youth that has now dissipated to make them much more moderate in their older age). Growing up, going to my father's town (village) meetings was something he frowned upon. Yam festivals were summarily dismissed as "pagan rituals". Masquerades were something that was frowned upon along with any other "fetish" things such as herbs and roots, spells and incantations by the local "witch doctor". I remember my father telling a story about how he used to suffer immensely with bouts of malaria (my Dad does not have the sickle cell trait which, they say, provides some kind of defense from the illness). His mother would scrape together what she could to go to the native doctor, to collect the roots and things to make a medicine for him. It must have tasted awful. But it kept him alive till he turned 21 when, he says, Jesus healed him completely and permanently after he decided during one particularly nasty episode to solely rely on Him and not his mother's roots. He always made his mother's roots seem vile, backwards, wicked and, worse yet, impotent. Yet it kept him alive all those years.

Anyway, I've never attended a traditional wedding. We visited Nigeria a total of two times while growing up. My parents did not teach us to speak Igbo although since I was an only child for 5 years before my sister came along, I understand it quite well and, with some serious thought, can speak a bit. My grandfather's funeral was my first glimpse into some aspect of traditional Igbo life and I absorbed it like a parched desert absorbs water. I kind on envy my cousin who had her traditional wedding in Nigeria some months ago. Oh, to be steeped in culture.

So, when I read this novel, I get little bits and pieces of that culture. It makes me feel connected even though many aspects of that culture have been destroyed. Oh, there are remnants such as traditional weddings and burials but all the spiritual aspects have been replaced by Christianity. To me, it makes these rituals hollow but, in the end, it's better than forgetting about the rituals altogether and it helps us remember who we are as Igbo people. Our identity. Well-established, rich and royal. Long before the coming of the European. Yes, there is conflict about some of our practices such as throwing twins away into the Evil Forest (which is, perhaps, the most disturbing for me) but I believe with my whole heart that every culture, even in a vacuum, eventually evolves. Because humans evolve. And humans make up culture.

The main character, Okonkowo, reminds me so much of my father. I love to imagine that I was there experiencing life in Umuofia. That I painted myself with cam wood and all that. :)

Of course, this novel is *HIGHLY* recommended reading. It is thought-provoking and intense. And just a masterfully told story.

The Latest Lock Lost

Thought I'd share with you a picture of the latest lock that I lost. Well, it didn't break off but it was so thin at the root. I had tried to use the loose hairs around it to strengthen it but that wasn't too successful because, I think, the root was just too thin. So I broke the last 4 or 5 hairs holding the lock on there.



It's was actually alarming to see it. I really only feel the thin locks when I have my fingers in my hair. I don't necessarily get a chance to look at them. So it was just interesting.

I thought to myself the other day that becoming vegetarian was probably one of the worst decisions I've ever made. I feel so sad to say that but, sadly, in my case it's true. The biggest lesson I've learned throughout this whole thing is that what works for one person may not work for someone else. We're all just that different.

Anyway, folks have been commenting on my skin looking better. I've been eating fish freely (3-4 times a week) for 2 weeks now. I hope that I'm on the road to recovery. I really hope to see a marked improvement in my health with incorporating fish and more raw food (smoothies).

Small FO

I finished this a few weeks ago. I made it for Z1 out of some cotton I had leftover from another project. It was really quick. I used a "G" hook (relatively large hook but not too large). The hat is airy and light--perfect for the summer. Z1, however, is averse to wearing anything on his head and so since I have a small head (yes, my head is basically the size of a three year old's head) I've been rocking it. And I love it. It's very comfortable and is a a neutral color that goes with whatever I have on (or so I like to think). Anyway, this picture is Z1 reluctantly modeling it. I just had a pang of something in my heart because I realized that this crown was supposed to be a covering for his dreadlocks (in hopes of minimizing how much lint and dirt he picked up in his hair). Since he doesn't have the locks anymore, he wouldn't have much need for it now anyway. **Sigh** Still, a cute hat, quick project. Took about a day. Would have taken about 2 hrs. sans the kids.

Organization

So I was looking at some other homemaking blogs and there's this recurrent theme about household management binders and while it seems like a great idea, I don't think it would work all too well for me.

Most of these binders have some kind of calender where important appointments/dates are kept. I keep mine using Google Calender. I love getting e-mail reminders and I love not having a whole lot of paper around. Oh and I prefer typing, hands down. I type exponentially faster than I write by hand.

Most of these binders have some kind of cleaning schedule. My cleaning schedule is posted on the fridge.
Monday--Vacuum
Tuesday--Change and launder all bedding
Wednesday--Clean all appliances
Thursday--Vacuum and organize kids' bookshelf, toy box and drawers
Friday--Clean Bathroom
Saturday--Change and launder all towels, cloth napkins, place mats, etc
Friday--Thoroughly clean stove and cabinets
Every day, however I do light clean-up in the kitchen. I wipe the stove and the counters down and I never go to sleep without having cleaned the sink and swept the floor and set the table for breakfast the next day (correctly setting the table requires that I also plan for the next day's breakfast)
I wash laundry (including diapers) every 2-3 days. I try to fold and put away laundry the same day I wash it. I cannot stand for clean laundry to sit around.
I pick up the children's toys and and anything out of place nightly before I get the kids ready for bed. I try to make the house look neat and tidy before I go to bed. I also lay out the children's clothes for the next day the night before.
I make up the beds every morning after opening the curtains/blinds and windows to air the house.
All this in addition to trying to get Z1 and Z2 out to the playground, library or other activity in the morning right after breakfast.

Most of these binders have some kind of master shopping list but I tried that and I think it's easier for me just to jot down the things I need at the market in my little "pocketbook notebook". I go to the market so often for fresh fruits and vegetables that I rarely have a long list of things I need to pick up. So the master shopping list just didn't seem to make much sense for me.

I do have a Household Management Notebook where I keep a list of meals which I encourage DH to choose from. I don't plan meals all that far in advance. I have a very well-stocked pantry: lots of dried beans, canned tomatoes, pastas, rice, quinoa and other grains. I have a very well-stocked freezer: tofu, frozen vegetables, fruits, frozen coconut milk, tomato paste, etc . . . so since I am really trying to stick to the green smoothies and have to be to the grocery store every 2-3 days minimum, I don't really have to think that far in advance when it comes to meal planning. Anyway, in my Household Management Notebook I have some recipes , tips for doing certain things, ideas on improving other things but it is generally severely under-utilized.

I realized, I guess, that I just keep most things in my head and what I can't keep in my head, I keep on my Google Calendar or posted on my fridge. It's working so far. I figure that by the time the kids get to be old enough where we are juggling activities, I should be balling somewhat enough to go on ahead and get a Blackberry (even if I have to put it on lay-away). ;)

I'm back to crocheting . . .

I've been working on this baby blanket. I'm 1/3rd of the way through. I'm using some cotton I got for a steal at the 99 cents store. It's a variegated yellow and white that I have tried to use in two previous projects. It always looks too busy. But it lends itself perfectly to this star afghan pattern.

While crocheting it, I kept thinking about the bedspread that is currently on our bed. It is a handwoven cotton spread that I've had for at least 15 years. And it looks it. I'd love to crochet a bedspread and I even have a book of vintage bedspread patterns that I scored for maybe 25 cents at the thrift store. But I just know it would take too long and I don't have the ability to focus on the intricacies of lace crochet. They're so lovely though! Check out some free ones I googled: Four Leaf Clover Bedspread, Rose Bower Bedspread, Wakefield Bedspread, Star Popcorn Bedspread. and Pineapple Bedspread. One day the babies will be grown . . . LoL.

How cool to dress the bed with something your own two hands made!

Ed.09/07/08: Just when I had given up the hope of crocheting a bedspread, I got this free pattern from Lion Brand Yarns in my inbox. It's crocheted with bulky yarn and a J hook. I think I could handle it! I don't know if I'd use Homespun (me and acrylic ain't friends) but I certainly could find some other natural fiber yarn. Yay!!

We never order take-out

Not that I don't want to order take-out. Trust me. There are days when I'd really love nothing more than to sit back and just wait for dinner to arrive, piping hot. But since I really strive to provide my family with foods that are made with love and from scratch, I'm not willing to order take-out. Shoot, my one concession is that we only eat out 3-4 times a year at my favorite Ethiopian restaurant Awash. DH prefers to eat at home and I prefer to know exactly what is in the food we are eating. As health-conscious folks, it's imperative. So anyway, there's a dish that I've been making recently in the past weeks that is a *huge* hit with the family. Even little Z1 will wolf down General Tao's Tofu. It is so good and tastes exactly like Chinese take-out food. And it is really easy to make although somewhat time-consuming. If I want dinner on the table by 6:30, I generally start at 5:15 or so just to make sure I don't feel rushed. It has become our favorite dish to have on Tuesday (my DH's day off). We eat it over whole wheat pasta, soba noodles or brown rice (we like it over rice the best). I now add way more vegetables than the recipe calls for: green and red peppers, mushrooms, peas, etc. because I double the sauce which makes the dish really lends itself well to being a chock-full-of vegetables dish. Which is great if you an anti-veggie toddler. I also add sesame seeds and roasted cashews or peanuts. The tofu that I use for the dish has been frozen, defrosted and pressed.

Quick breakdown of how I prep tofu to be used in dishes. I like to use extra-firm tofu that's been frozen and defrosted. It gives the tofu an even firmer texture. I have some towels that are exclusively for tofu. I wrap a brick of tofu in the towel and place it on the sideboard of my sink. I put my heaviest pans on top of it (4 cast iron pans) and let it alone for about 20 minutes. I then unwrap the tofu and it usually very dry to the touch. I then cube it or cut into slices--basically cut it however I'd like it to be used for the dish.

In other news from my kitchen, I've perfected tempeh bacon. I use the basic recipe from Vegan with a Vengeance except that I add some onion powder, garlic powder, a little more sea salt, maple syrup and instead of apple cider, I use apple juice + apple cider vinegar. It comes out really well. Next time I make it, I will record the exact measurements and post the recipe here.

The Motherload of Green Smoothie Recipes

70 Green Smoothie Recipes. I can't wait till that Vitamix gets here. It still hasn't shipped!!! I will be calling tomorrow.

Z1's Dreadlocks

We cut his locks on Friday, August 29, 2008. We just used scissors. No razor even though his dad is a professional barber.

It was a really difficult decision but we did it. Lots of things came into play

I'm going to be very honest here.

When Z1 was born, I was in a lot of ways much more radical and much more idealistic in my thinking. I had a list of things I just absolutely wouldn't do. But the realities and practicalities of life have an uncanny way of mediating one's idealism.

Anyway, as a first time mom, I did the best I could. The best I knew how. I think I was washing Z1's hair once every two weeks or so. For the first couple of months, I combed it out (sometimes with a comb and sometimes with my fingers) which he hated and which his dad wasn't too fond of. Then I just stopped manipulating it at all. I just washed it and oiled it and the locks started to form. I wasn't as meticulous as could be about getting out lint. I should have washed it more often. I shouldn't have used heavy oils like shea butter. I shouldn't have combined some locks the way I did. But I did. And Z1's locks had so.much.buildup in them. It was actually a bit overwhelming. One morning, I washed his dreads, did an apple cider vinegar rinse on them and just kept squeezing the locks. More and more stuff kept coming out. Eventually, I got the locks really clean but there was still this white stuff. So I took a tweezer and started to pick at it. There was "stuff" all throughout the lock such that I knew that nothing would take it out. I had been contemplating cutting them for a while now but this made me really consider it. Because no matter how clean the locks were, they looked dirty.

And since they were freeformed/organic, you can imagine people's reactions at time. I'd caught some sideways glances from people when they looked at my son. Saw looks of disgust. Pity. I'd even seen people ostracize him. A little baby like him. For his hair. And so that tore at my heart strings and made me wonder if wearing such a significant crown as dreadlocks should be placed on such a small child. Especially when the dreadlocks are organic. Twisted, styled locks, I would venture to say, are much more accepted in this society than "bongo natty".

Add to that the fact that I worried that he would feel alone. There are a few RastafarI youth but living where I live, he was generally the only child with dreadlocks. And if there were children with dreads, they had styled dreads. He never really got to see kids that looked like him except for once or twice a year at "cultural" events like the street festival and such as well as Nyabinghi.

Of course, the hubby, who is remarkably nonplussed by others' thoughts about him and his family (which I absolutely love and respect), said that if others treated him differently for something so superficial as his hair, they don't deserve the honor of knowing and being loved by Z1. About feeling like an outsider because he had locks, DH pointed out that he himself had locks so if nothing else, Z1 would know he looked like dad. He had a good point. I was ready to keep the locks.

But the buildup. Geez. And I know it's my fault that his locks had so much of it because I am the one who primarily cares for the kids. I mean, I've learned so much now from Nappturality.com and from my own experience, that now I know what to do. I know his hair needs to be washed at least once weekly. Maybe twice in the summer. I know that to counteract dryness, I should use conditioner (not wash less)--diluted conditioner, that is, because full-strength conditioner is difficult to rinse out of locks completely especially on a squirmy child. I now know to use lighter oils like coconut and jojoba (which work well to hydrate the hair in conjunction with a good conditioner). I just know now.

So his hair is a short afro right now. It's not combed out or anything. I'm trying to feel out how we're going to approach this second set. If I'll be more conscious about making the locks even. On his last set, some were large, others small. Some were flat, others round. I know that they will be organic again, i.e. no twisting but I want to pay closer attention to how they are formed and to keeping them really clean and lint free with frequent washings, conditioning and light oils. I've noticed that it's very dry/lackluster right now so I'm going to start giving him cod liver oil again and really pay attention to his protein and to being consistent with his multivitamin.

Oh, I miss seeing his hair flying when he's playing. I worry what others who follow the same trodition (RastafarI tradition) will think when they see him. What they will say. I try to keep the hubby's words at the forefront of my mind though when these thoughts surface, "He's my son and I do what I feel is best for him. When someone else clothes and feeds him, I'll look for their input. Till then, whatever, man." Spoken like the philosopher he is. <3