New Pants

My little baby girl is 2 months old and I finally decided I am done with wearing maternity pants.  Since I'm no longer pregnant, they don't fit properly at all.  And with me fiddling around to lift my shirt and unhook my nursing bra so baby girl can nurse, I was feeling very unkempt and undone.  Sloppy.  

So I took out my pre-pregnancy pants in hopes that I could squeeze in and, no surprise, they wouldn't go past my thighs.  I won't lie and say that I was okay with that.  I was disappointed.  I am still a good twenty pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight and while the hubby is thrilled about it, I am not.  I mean, I worked very hard to lose the weight!  Anyway,  I headed to the thrift store yesterday not sure what size pants I would need to buy. Pre-pregnancy I wore a size 4 pants so I guessed/hoped I would need a size 6 or 8.  That was wishful thinking.  I needed a size 10 and was quite relieved that a size 12 was too large.  

But I'm not exactly sure that I want to go back to my pre-pregnancy weight.  I think I may have been too thin but I worked hard to get down that much and I did felt pretty healthy and, well, like a success.  Because of that, I liked being that small although I did feel maybe a bit too fragile.  I hadn't been that size since high school and it was cool.  It felt nice to be called "small".  I've never been a dainty woman and at that size, I almost felt dainty and that felt good. I would be dishonest if I didn't also admit that I struggle with the buy in I have made into the false idea that thin is good and proof that one is hard-working and healthy.  But I did feel kind of delicate and I guess I could stand to feel more solid.  Plus, the hubby was not feeling the size 4 at all.  At all.  Didn't like the muscle definition and the hardness.  And I think that muscle definition and hardness is what kept me from feeling dainty anyway.  I could have stood to have a little more weight on then. I kind of like to see myself with more curves.  

But I do want the weight to start coming off now.  I'm anxiously waiting for baby girl to get into a groove schedule-wise so I can plan my workouts and start getting active again.  It seems like she is getting there slowly but surely: if I wake up at 7, it seems I can bank on  30-40 minutes free time before she wakes up.  So far, I've been able to squeeze in a few yoga sessions and that felt very, very good.  

For now, diet-wise, my focus is on eating nutrient-dense foods and not overdoing the sweets. (Admittedly, I have been much more liberal with my sweets-eating).  I'm eating more carbs than I was eating pre-pregnancy and basically doing my best to keep my milk supply up.  Baby girl is growing well and that's a wonderful thing so when it comes to losing weight, I'm not trying to mess with my diet too much and focusing on fitness.  

Meanwhile, I am very happy about my new pants.