Went to see a holistic loctician today

Just a quick note . . .

It was a good experience. Yendys offered a few suggestions for me. Some I had already known like that I need to take a Vitamin B complex and increase my intake of raw greens. I have a Vitamin B complex that I've been taking sporadically. I really hate to take pills especially because it seems that I pee most of it out. I am going to see if I can find a liquid B complex--one specifically formulated for stress. I am already committed to including much more greens in my diet. She also thought that I might have some issues with my liver/elimination which I already knew but it was good to have some confirmation. Once I wean Z2, I am definitely going to do a total body cleanse. Another suggestion Yendys made was to take a chondroitin/glucosamine supplement to help balance out the sugar in my body and red clover as just an overall tonic. She told me to keep up with the apple cider vinegar rinses and offered me two products (a therapeutic scalp rinse and an oil she makes herself with fresh herbs).

She also thought that maybe I'm not getting enough protein. I've had the suspicion for a long time that I do no properly assimilate plant protein. My body must be able to use it somewhat because I'm not wasting away and I successfully nursed Z1 and am nursing Z2 with no undernourishment issues but the fact that my skin and hair are just so lackluster . . . I just can't seem to wrap my head around eating flesh again. I know, labels take away your freedom but I've just been vegetarian so long that now, it is a large part of who I am. A part I'm not ready to let go of yet. But, it seems, I really need to.

It pains me to think of having two pots on my stove cooking--one with flesh and one with veggies. I love the idea of a unified, peaceful (death-free) kitchen. Man, in your 20s, ideals die and they die hard.

I can't say I feel overly hopeful or encouraged in any way after seeing Yendys. But it was a positive experience and I definitely want to put aside some money every few weeks so that I can see her at least four times a year. Her energy is inviting and warm and she could only help to heal my hair.

Do I ever write "a quick note?" You should know better!

Red Lentil Soup with East Indian Spices (Masoor Dahl)

A favorite around here. I made it for dinner the other night when I had my friend and my sister over. I thought I'd share the recipe. It's very simple to make and delicious. It is so filling when paired with a well-dressed salad and freshly baked bread.

I like to add chopped green vegetables to any soup I am making because Z1 does not like greens at all. This time I added frozen chopped spinach but chopped kale works great too. I generally never use plain water to make soups--I add a couple of tablespoons of vegetable broth powder. You could use vegetable broth.

The salad was made with romaine lettuce, tomatoes, and cucumbers all from the farmer's market. I dressed it with a simple vinaigrette: 1 to 1 apple cider vinegar to extra virgin olive oil, salt, pepper, some Dijon mustard and maple syrup. I'd baked the bread the day before so it was still very moist and fresh. (Yes, that is Earth Balance slathered all over the bread. I tried to do olive oil and salt on bread the other day instead of EB. Not a good look. So I'm taking suggestions on what could replace EB in my life.)

Everyone really seemed to enjoy the dish and I just thought it would be a great recipe to share with everyone because of how easy it is.

I've been laboring over my children's book

Which is a retelling of a story I heard as a child. Only to find that someone has already retold it and published it.

I keep thinking that maybe my retelling is fresh enough and different enough that it will be published also. I put the book on hold at the library. I'm anxious to read it.

But I seriously have lost my momentum.

And I honestly feel trapped in mediocrity. I feel like the only thing I'm good at is being a mother and I have my days when I doubt even that. I don't feel creative. I don't feel innovative. Just mediocre.

I also need to find a way to bring it about $800 extra a month. Thinking about babysitting. Thinking about some other things.

I am scared because I know I never want to go back to teaching at least not while the kids are young but I still have the student loans from the degree hanging over my head.

And the car. DH has expressed that the payment is just too hefty. It was manageable when we thought I would be working full time but now, it's just hefty.

So an extra $800 should make things comfortable.

Publishing the books just doesn't seem like a viable place to put my hope for making a living. I don't even want to look at my manuscripts.

Ugh.

12 Steps to Raw Food by Victoria Boutenko

Is a *huge* disappointment. I should have waited to get it from the library (it had been on hold for several weeks).

The majority of the book is devoted to the "why" of eating raw foods and not the "how" as the book's title suggests. Boutenko spends endless chapters providing justification for eating a raw food diet, trying to establish the superiority of a raw food diet over a cooked food diet. Other parts of the book try to establish the spiritual connection to eating raw foods and suggest ways to make raw food eating a part of a complete lifestyle overhaul. Not.what.I.was.looking for.

I think the book should be titled Why and How to End Your Dependency on Cooked Food and subtitled 12 Steps to Raw Foods. Boutenko basically approaches eating cooked food as an addiction (instead of as a learned behavior) and so she tries to provide a 12 step plan similar to Alcoholics Anonymous.

Maybe 10 pages are actually devoted to how to go about eating raw food.

Okay, I've already been down the dogmatic diet road with strict vegetarianism. I don't need or want any more lectures!!

My Baby's Birthday!

Z1 celebrated his third birthday on Sunday, Aug. 17. I can hardly believe he's such a big boy. He had a *great* day. I bought him a couple of balloons (two with a basketball and baseball which he's really into right now). He ended up taking those two outside and losing them (even though I told him that would happen). We also got him a Little Tikes Basketball Hoop and he L O V E S it. Oh my goodness. It's the single best toy we ever got him. We had his favorite type of cake--chocolate cake and he was just in heaven. He also got a water table which he spent almost an hour playing with yesterday as well as water crayons and two books that I must have read about 200 times already. It was a fabulous day and I'm so grateful to have him in my life. Words cannot describe how much I love that little dude.

The hubby got a new camcorder for his birthday so most of the memory capturing was done with that. I did remember to take a picture of the cake though, albeit after it was cut. It's my favorite cake, easy to make. It was a vanilla almond frosted double-layer chocolate cake. I decorated it with vegan sprinkles and vegan chocolate chips. It was really rich and really good and Z1 kept saying "I love my party!!" Ahh . . . so easy to please children.

Edited 09/01/08 to add recipe as per Lionesse's request!! Happy to share!











Easy Vegan Chocolate Cake

Ingredients
1.5 cups unbleached white flour
1/3 cup cocoa powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup sugar
1 cup olive oil (recipe says vegetable oil but I use olive oil with no problems)
1 cup cold water
2 tsps vanilla
2 tbsp vinegar

Mix all ingredients together well. The order doesn't matter so long as you mix very well. Pour into 9" baking pan.

Bake at 375 for 30-35 mins.

Starting a New Curriculum with Z1

Many of you know that I plan to homeschool my two sons. Last week I found an excellent curriculum to begin with. I think age 3 is a great time to start introducing some concepts so it was fortuitous that I came across this curriculum. I had been drawing up my own but this one closely matches what I was thinking of doing. I will also be working with Z1 to learn his name (recognizing it) and learn to use the mouse for work on the computer. So we're off to the library to get some books to support the lesson. Oh, yes, you know it. I believe in literature based learning. LoL. :)

Raw

So I've really been focused on incorporating more raw foods. I read somewhere that you can reap the full benefits of eating raw by eating 75% raw. Right now, we are at 20%, maybe. But I'm proud to say that for the past few days we've been having green smoothies in the morning. I have been using Dr. Oz's recipe for green drink and we really like it. I also have been making another green smoothie:

one bunch kale
2-3 oranges
2 cups frozen pineapple chunks
1/2 cup pure water
1 banana

Dr. Oz's recipe is heavier on the veggies and that's the kind of smoothie that I think is most beneficial, i.e. a higher ratio of leafy greens to fruit. But the fruit definitely makes it much more enjoyable, and as I re-learned, the acidity helps the body digest the greens.

The other day I made raw oatmeal which was not bad. It was interesting to note how much I really wanted the oatmeal to be warm. It had an interesting taste and texture, though, and will take some getting used to. I will have to try other grains because rolled oats are not really raw (they are steamed in the flaking process). Oat groats may or may not be raw. I'm not quite sure how I will know so other grains might fit the bill better.

I will be getting my dehydrator from the basement and learning how to use it. I'd like to try my hand at some raw crackers to go with the Spanish Breakfast Omelet:


I'd also like to make this Cream of Zucchini soup but that will have to wait till Wednesday when I go to the Farmer's Market. I see that doing this raw thing will require me going out the Farmer's Market weekly. That is the only practical way to get locally grown, often organic fresh fruits and vegetables for a very good price. When the season is over, my only other choice will be the Whole Foods. Both the FM and WF require me to drive but there's really no options in my town for fresh, organic produce. Forget locally grown. You should have seen the sad state of affairs at the vegetable store today (I was just trying to get a few greens to hold us over till Wednesday). Peaches were damn near rotten and they were still trying to sell them for 99 cents a pound. They should have been 25 cents a pound. That might have induced me to buy some to make a cobbler.

Estimates say that using my regular old Osterizer this much will burn the thing out in about 2 months. We will then invest in a Vitamix. I won't be getting the dry container though because I have a food processor. I hope we can find a good deal on a re-furbished one.

I've noticed the Z1 really likes mango. I'm looking for a smoothie (green) that he will actually drink. Mango might be the key.

Thinking of getting one more (expensive azz) book by Alissa Cohen. I really like her site and I've read good things. Plus the recipes look delicious (DH says they look crazy but whatever).
Anyway, I'm excited (and cautious) and inviting anyone who wants to join me to come on along! :) I could use the support.

I finished

The sweater for Z2 that I blogged about a few weeks ago. I added a little hat too. I'm pleased with how it turned out and it should fit Z2 just right come this winter. Sorry the picture is so poor. I just don't seem to be able to take nice pictures!!

I have a few other projects I'm thinking of starting. Here are my ideas:

1. Cozy for my new 40 ounce Klean Kanteen water bottle
2. Knee high socks or Monkey socks using the Regia silk yarn I got on sale
3. Frog the wonky blanket I crocheted and use the yarn to make this one. I think a variegated yarn will lend itself nicely to this pattern.
4. Pullover for Z1. I really like the Cable and Rib Sweater with Hood by Debbie Bliss. Although I hate seaming (which is necessary for things knit flat), this sweater is cute enough where I might be willing to do it. Maybe I can convert it to knit in the round?

Right now I think I'm going to take a bit of a hiatus from knitting and crocheting. I want to spend the next few weeks focusing on incorporating more live foods into our diet (I'd like to be at least 50% raw). I've bought two books on the topic. The first is 12 Steps to Raw Foods: How to End your Dependency on Cooked Food by Victoria Boutenko (basically a primer on raw foods) and the other is Everyday Raw by Matthew Kenney (a simple, introductory cookbook). It's a little daunting especially since it seems that I will be spending a lot of time just preparing foods (lots of dishes require 24 hrs. in the food dehydrator) and also because lots of recipes call for tools I don't have (Vitamix, food dehydrator accessories, etc). We're starting off slowly with green smoothies every morning because I think I can handle that at least. I've joined two live food forums for support and I'm excited to be taking this new journey. I pray it makes a real difference in our energy levels and in our overall health.

Quinoa

Quinoa is an ancient grain that I became very interested in when I learned that it is a pretty complete protein source. It's also a great source of fiber, magnesium and iron. Since I'm always trying to make sure that our diet is complete, varied and interesting, I love to use quinoa in different ways. Quinoa can pretty much replace rice in every dish. You can make pilafs with it for a quick easy meal. It also makes a pretty delicious breakfast porridge. You can get quinoa at any health food store but I've found it for the best price in the bulk bins at Whole Foods.

To use quinoa, you must first rinse the grain off very well. It has a bitter coating that makes it pretty much inedible so you've got to get that off. I like to prepare quinoa right in my rice cooker. Since quinoa is pretty bland on it's own, I like to add things to it to bring out the flavor.

Recipe

1 cup quinoa, well rinsed
2 cups water+ 2 tsp. vegetable broth powder or
2 cups vegetable broth
1/2 one red onion, diced finely
1/2 tsp sea salt
1 tbsp. Earth Balance buttery spread

Turn the rice cooker on and let it do its thing. Serve as an accompaniment to black bean soup or any other dish that you would serve with rice.

If you want to make porridge with the quinoa, prepare it in the rice cooker but don't add any spices. Once it's cooked, add milk (I use rice, hemp or almond milk), sweetener (I like maple syrup), nuts (crushed almonds work nicely), vanilla, cinnamon, and nutmeg. You can reduce the sweetener and add dried fruits like cranberries, raisins, or dried apples.

Quinoa is a fabulous addition to any cook's repertoire of healthy whole grains.

Natural Deodorant Revisited

I always find it so funny that I sweat so much. Way more than DH. And if I'm not careful, best beware of my armpits!

Anyway . . . I blogged about natural deodorants a while back. I have been making Kimberlily's Recipe for Deodorant Cream, like I said I would, and it is, by far, the best natural thing I've used to control underarm funk. It works all day long. The other day I knew we would be out of the house all day long so I thought I better use some "real" stuff. I put on Dove antiperspirant/deodorant. That stuff quit in the middle of the day. Why did I doubt that the homemade would work?? It really, really works.

I usually make a double batch. It is stored in a glass jar but it would work much better in a squeeze bottle as it is a little runny (especially on hot days). I have to be on the lookout for some. So happy to find something that works so well. Oh, and that's not to say that the spray deodorant doesn't kill funk but it must be reapplied at some point during the day. The deodorant lotion lasts all day and all night and you will just smell the tiniest bit of mustiness in the morning. But that's cool because it's time to shower anyway.

Just contemplating . . .

So I received a suggestion the other day to do a rebuilding process to my hair using a product called Aphogee. Aphogee is basically a protein treatment that restructures and strengthens the hair. I am yet to find any information on doing the treatment on locks but I was thinking I'd be willing to try it because what's the worst that could happen? The worst is already happening, namely, lots of breakage.

But while in the beauty store today, it struck me: growing locks is to me an affirmation of my commitment to doing things the natural way. Reading long lists of ingredients with paraben this and hyrdoxyl that . . . I'm not sure if I want to try to preserve my dreads using such unnatural stuff, lab-concocted stuff or "natural" ingredients 15 times removed from nature. I think I'd rather use my natural castile soaps and Aubrey Organic shampoos and conditioners, shea butter, jojoba and coconut oils and apple cider vinegar rinses and rock a neat, sweet short 'fro when the locks eventually break off. You know, natural. I am having a hard time imagining using all these chemicals to keep these locks. It's not what I want to do no matter how much I'd like to keep these dreads on my head.

I know very well that the hair growing from your head at the root should be the strongest hair on your head. I know very well that this is something internal. I know that there is something I am missing that is making my once strong, lustrous hair frail and prone to breakage.

My sistren reminded me of a holistic hairdresser out in Brooklyn who might be able to at least give me some feedback/direction on my hair. Actually, this loctician is the one who started my first set of locks (I consider them my first--the real first set was installed by a guy who used a whole bunch of black gel and gunk--I knew I wanted my locks to be pure and natural so I washed them out after one week). Anyway, I've been calling her and leaving messages but to no avail. Hopefully I hear back soon.

In some ways, I'm anxious for my locks to break off completely. Either that or miraculously become strong. How can I stop being so focused on them?

I realized today . . .

That the first set of locks I had would have been 7 years old this summer. Some folks base being a committed veteran on how long a person has been growing their locks. I have to base it on how long I've been trying. Still, I hesitate to call myself a lock veteran or anything like that because I just don't have the length to support that claim.

I cannot even explain how much it means to me to wear locks without getting emotional. It chokes me up. Makes me angry and frustrated that they just won't grow properly. I can't properly describe how I felt when after washing my hair one day, while oiling it, I felt the first thin-rooted lock. How desperately I hoped it was a fluke. How despondent when I realized it wasn't.

Yet, I absolutely cannot stand when folks are sympathetic about my hair. Losing the first set, I would have been open to sympathy. This is what, the fifth set? I've lost count! I don't want sympathy at all!! Maybe empathy. But I don't really know many folks who empathize. At this point, it's just what it is.

DH has beautiful (I mean gorgeous) locks that have grown past his bottom. I laugh because when we met 5 years ago, he had some loose hair in his "kitchen" that are now full-fledged locks over a foot long. I can't believe his good fortune sometimes! I often think that, theoretically, I should be jealous, you know, of people with long, beautiful locks. But somehow, I'm not. It's separate . . . I don't want someone else's locks. I would have liked to have my own!

It has been such a tumultuous journey and struggle trying to grow locks. I started off as a loose natural, and locked because it meant commitment to my personal politics and to my spirituality. My personal politics and my spirituality have matured and changed over the years yet locks have always meant and still mean so much to me. My locks or lack of locks has been the source of a lot of hurt (I have been trodding in this RastafarI trodition where locks are the hallmark of ones who trod). To not have locks . . . I can't help but wonder how many people have questioned my commitment. I can't help to feel slighted when ones and ones will hail (greet) my Kingman (DH) but not give me a sideways glance. But I realize too, that those who matter don't mind and those that mind, don't matter. Because the sistren and bredren that mean the most to me in this world would still embrace me. Even if I were bald.

I have come to terms with the fact that my locks will never be long. It doesn't seem that my hair is strong enough to handle the weight of locks. And you know what? Even if I did find some magical potion that would strengthen my hair and guarantee that the locks would grow and wouldn't thin at the root and snap off, I'm not sure I would grow locks again. My spirituality has changed. How I view Jah has changed. Who I am as a person has changed. Your 20s are about changing and hopefully growing. Whereas I used to be highly concerned that I "looked the part", I'm no longer interested in being categorized or boxed in. I'm looking for true freedom and not a rule-book to follow. I'm learning how not to care when people look at me and make a whole list of assumptions based on what they see or what they think they see.

I remember as a little girl seeing people with locks. They were few and far between. I realized way back then that the only way I would have long, flowing hair would be to grow locks. Interesting. I ask myself if growing locks is really just my way of dealing with the Eurocentrism that says that long, flowing hair that blows in the wind is what is more desirable than hair that grows upward. I'd have to say, yes, that this has played a role in the drive to grow locks although I'm not quite sure how big a role. It's in there somewhere though. Yes, I do believe I'm conscious. Hip to the game, if you will. But that doesn't mean I'm not working to undo years of conditioning/socialization.

So there's the spiritual aspect and there's the vanity aspect (because, let's face it, locks are beautiful on men, women and children ) and there's the not-quite-yet resolved in my mind political aspect to growing locks (on the one hand, locks have for me represented rebellion and a certain consciousness but on the other hand there's the whole length/hair growing downwards issue because as a woman, I've been socialized to feel that long, downward growing hair is a woman's glory and beauty).

Nonetheless, I'm holding on to this set for dear life still though because right now, 2/3rds are either gone or on their way out. But I have come to terms with it. I guess, at some point, you would have to. I'm actually kind of looking forward to being a loose natural again. Kind of. I have to go buy some good brushes and combs. Refresh my braiding and twisting skills. Just get into loose natural mode again in a way that meshes with my new life as a busy mother (I just don't have 45 mins. at night to deal with my hair anymore--I used to watch t.v. while I twisted it or got it ready to be styled in the morning. Now . . . Watch t.v.? What is that?) I wonder if I should just wear a short, tight afro. Keep it short and sweet. I don't know.

The question right now is should I cut them now or just let them naturally do what they're going to do. My sister thinks I'm prolonging the inevitable. DH thinks I should do choice two and secretly, I'm hoping that I will experience enough new growth to maybe wrap the new growth around the weak locks and strengthen them. Already, areas where locks have broken have about 1/2" of growth stretched. Okay, I know that is far-fetched but . . . I'm going to keep them till at least they reach they're one year anniversary. I keep hoping that maybe I'll discover something that will keep these locks on my head.

I tell you this, though, this is my absolute last set of locks for this lifetime. Sounds so final, doesn't it?

How wide is the ocean??

My good sistren is in Ethiopia. She'll be teaching there for a year. She lived all the way on the other coast so it's not like we saw each other every day or talked on the phone daily. Still, it's a certain gravity to a distance when an ocean and not land divides. I am keeping her high on my list of meditation and sending nothing but positive energy to her. I know we are together in spirit. We always have been but I really miss her!!

Stagnation

I feel like I'm in a holding pattern. In a lot of ways, being a mother to young children, especially being the kind of mother I want to be, is restrictive. It's an "either/or" situation. Because I desire and strive to be an "Earth mama" of sorts, I find that 98% of my life revolves around my children. 98% of my time is devoted to my children. 98% of my energy goes to them. So with the other 2% I've got left, I try to feed me. But that 2% doesn't seem to be enough.

Two percent of 24 hours is exactly .48 hours. That's right. About a half an hour. Thirty minutes a day is generally what I have to myself. Of course, I try to squeeze out more time than that and that's why I'm usually doing my "things" at 3 o'clock in the morning. But that time is not really mine. I'm supposed to be sleeping. But even with the great squeeze I try to accomplish, I find that I'm usually too tired to do the things that would actually make me feel like I'm making progress.

Like editing my two children's books and getting them ready to send to publishers. Like writing chapter 2 of my memoir. Like starting an exercise routine and incorporating more raw foods into my diet so that I can feel better and lose the 40 pounds I'm still holding on to. Like learning more about and starting a Buddhist practice. Like meditating consistently. Like reading the way I need to in order to stay sharp and current in my academic field, in order to stay intellectually stimulated. I'm just too tired.

So I feel like I'm stagnated.

Lemon Squares!

Just a quick entry today . . .

I had some lemons in the fridge that I was going to use to make iced tea. Lately, though, the hubby has been making some delicious sorrel (iced hibiscus flower tea with freshly grated ginger) and it is the perfect, yummy, refreshing summer drink. Anyway, I didn't want the lemons to go bad so I thought I'd make some lemon squares. I've had some problems with this dessert in the past, mainly that it would come out too tart or it wouldn't firm up enough. So today, I was very careful with how much zest and juice I added, I added 3 more tablespoons of flour than the recipe called for, made it early in the morning and put it in the fridge to set and . . . it came out flawlessly. It's a really delicious, simple recipe found here.