Why I am "The Originalwombman"

I've had the e-mail address forever and folks always ask so . . . here's the reason I call myself "originalwombman". It's not the most creative of names but there's a deeply important reason (to me) why it's what I call myself.

A (long) while back I read a book called Sacred Woman by Queen Afua which influenced my life and how I saw myself as a woman. I learned to have a new respect and understanding of my womb as a source of creativity, grounding and healing.

I do believe that every human being is a unique light--never before seen, completely unique. Original.

Add to that the aspect of Black people, African people being the first people, the original people.

I believe it was Sister Carol, a reggae artist, who coined the phrase "Original Womb-man" to describe Aset (Isis), the Kemetic Goddess. Aset is a nurturer, mother, wife, healer. Divine. Clever.

And so, I call myself "the original wombman" for all these reasons but really all of us are "the original (insert loving, uplifting, self-affirming adjective here)".

Pleasant Surprise

I don't regularly get on the scale. To figure out if I'm losing weight I periodically try on my pre-pregnancy clothes. If they are not even close to fitting, I know I haven't lost anything. If they are kind-of-trying-to-maybe-could-fit-if-I-hold-my-breath-and-try-hard enough, I know it's coming off.

But today I got on the scale. And I'm 10 pounds lighter than I was last time I got on which is great. Z2 marked his first birthday and I was hoping this would happen. It happened with Z1. I didn't really do much and the weight came off. I could fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes again but I lacked muscle tone and definition.

This time around, I'm going to lose the pregnancy weight and get back to the weight I was when I got married which was my ideal weight. I may lose a little more than that too. I'll see. My goal is not only to lose weight but to build strength, muscle tone and definition as well as endurance.

A while ago my friend Amoi B. introduced me to www.sparkpeople.com. Over the next few days I'm going to explore the site and see what resources it offers to help me reach my goals.

Currently, I'm exercising every morning using
1. Crunch--The Perfect Yoga Workout: The Joy of Yoga and Fat Burning Yoga
and
2. Denise Austen Blast Away 10 Lbs.

One day I do the yoga and the other day I do the aerobics. So far this routine works. I am really out of shape now (huffing and puffing after about 3 minutes) but I know that will improve. I have some other workout DVDs and tapes around that I will try once I've mastered these two.

So anyway, those 10 lbs. being gone was a very pleasant surprise this morning.

Who doesn't love pancakes?

For me pancakes are especially nostalgic. My mother, who worked full-time from the time I was 5 years old, would make pancakes on Saturday. Saturdays were a leisurely day when we could sleep in and lounge around. We would have family prayers and then we could watch Saturday morning cartoons while my mom made the pancakes. She used Aunt Jemima pancake mix and we would have the most fluffy, delicious pancakes drenched in pancake syrup. My mother would take each round pancake, fold them in half and cut them into strips which we could pick up and eat with our hands. Pancakes (actually breakfasts) are some of my fondest childhood memories.

When I went strict veg years ago, I knew that I would be most successful if I could replace some of the foods I was accustomed to with vegan alternatives. I jumped into vegetarianism with both feet on my 21st birthday and with lots of determination became a good vegetarian cook and baker. The one food that has challenged me to no end is pancakes. I must have tried ever blessed vegan pancake recipe I could find. For the past few years I've been using one that's serviceable but that just does not come anywhere close to my mother's pancakes. That is . . . until now. I mentioned having found the most fabulous pancake recipe. I didn't realize that I had actually omitted one ingredient (the water). Leaving out the water actually makes for a better, fluffier, more "mom" like pancake! So I'm going to share the recipe.

Now, I absolutely love it when a vegan recipe is simple: no specialty or obscure ingredients that you will never use again. Soy milk is easy to find these days. Even at my local grocery store where you can't find a loaf of bread without high fructose corn syrup. Everything else, even the most novice baker would have in their possession. So without further ado . . .

Pancakes Like Mom Used to Make (Except Vegan)
2 cups unbleached all purpose flour
1/2 tsp sea salt
1 1/2 tsp aluminum free baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1 tbsp sugar
1/4 cup vegetable oil (or other flavorless oil)
1 1/2 cups + 1 tbsp vanilla soy milk or other non-dairy milk
1 tsp. apple cider vinegar
1 tsp. vanilla extract

Put your oven on "keep warm".

In a large bowl, sift all the dry ingredients together. In another bowl, mix the wet ingredients. Add the dry to the wet and stir until everything is well combined and all the lumps are gone.

Oil your griddle or pan lightly with some flavorless oil. Pour 1/3 cup batter onto skillet and cook until bubbles start to form on the top or until the bottom side of pancake is as brown as you'd like. Flip and cook the other side.

edited 01.08.09 to add: Makes 8 pancakes.

To keep your pancakes warm, put them in a baking dish and cover *very* lightly with foil. Put them in your oven (that you have set to "keep warm"). These pancakes are *best* served warm. Top with pure maple syrup or fruit topping:

Simple Fruit Topping
1/2 cup water or juice
1/4 cup sugar
1 tbsp arrowroot
1 1/2 tsp fresh lemon juice
1 cup of fresh or frozen berries, apples, pears--basically, any fruit you like

Combine juice/water, sugar, arrowroot and lemon juice in a small saucepan. Simmer on low heat for about 2 mins. Add fruit of choice and let thicken.

-------------------------------------------------------------
I keep saying I'm going to make up the pancake mix in bulk so that I will be motivated to make pancakes more often. So far it hasn't happened. Maybe I'd like pancakes to be a special part of my children's memories instead of an everyday kind of thing. Ain't nothing wrong with that.

Anyway, who doesn't love pancakes? I know I do.

Discipline Makes Things Easier

I never make new year's resolutions but I do have ongoing goals which I'm trying to achieve. One goal is to lose weight and get fit. It seems like that is everyone's goal though.

Anyway, I slept for 45 extra minutes today. Z1 didn't sleep well at all last night. So I got up, checked my e-mail quickly and then started meditating. I wrote in my journal, "I woke up 45 minutes late today so I won't be able to work out or shower before the boys get up."

But I ended doing both things and I even have a minute to blog.

I've been bullshitting. Blogging is great and I enjoy it immensely. Reading blogs is also highly informative and entertaining. But these two things eat away at what should be my priority--fitness. It's easy to sit down and write and read. I enjoy these things. I don't like exercising though so I bullshit about it and complain I don't have the time.

Dead Prez (<3) recorded a song called "Discipline" which I've always loved but which takes on new significance and meaning as I get older. It is my mantra this year:

Discipline, discipline (practice makes perfect)
Discipline, discipline (Health is wealth)
Discipline, discipline (All things in moderation
Discipline, discipline (Plan your work; work your plan)

I exercised this morning and I feel strong and great. It's challenging to get moving but once you are, your body and soul appreciates it.

My routine
Wake up.
Center self. Write in journal. Read. Meditate. Chant.
Exercise.
If there's time, do all else.

Blogs can wait. E-mail can wait. Message boards can wait.

I can't.

I must say that this is the first day that I've meditated in front of my altar (post and pictures forthcoming) and I am thoroughly amazed and blessed by how focused things became this morning just by being in a set-aside, sacred space. I'm glad that I finally put the altar together. I meditated and then I decided to exercise even though the computer was calling me.

Discipline makes things easier. Organize your life.

Had to share!!

Found it on What About Our Daughters today and it is to promote the involvement of fathers in the lives of their children:

More than 79% of Americans feel “the most significant family or social problem facing America is the physical absence of the father from the home.” Research shows that the lack of a father in the home correlates closely with crime, educational and emotional problems, teenage pregnancy, and drug and alcohol abuse.

In an effort to show dads the critical role they play in their children’s lives, the Ad Council has partnered with the National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse and volunteer ad agency Campbell-Ewald to create a new PSA campaign that communicates to fathers that their presence is essential to their children’s well-being. The campaign provides fathers with the information they need to become better dads. Ad Council

I'm especially touched because it's a father and daughter. My own personal experience says that a healthy self-image, self-love, self-respect comes in large part from a father being a loving and stable presence in a child's life. For little Black girls, constantly under attack by the media, it's even more important!

The Balance

A few days ago, Lisa over at Black Women Blow the Trumpet wrote The Self-Love Self-Sacrifice Paradox.

I responded, in part, with the following:
I think for me as a young mother, the balancing act is challenging. You are balancing taking care of finance, taking care of children and taking care of self. What I have found is that you have to be committed to yourself first, working at being your best self, for anything else to work well.

I think this challenge is shared by all women--both those who work outside the home and those who are stay-at-home mothers.

When I think about what my priorities are, i.e. what I devote most of my energy to, I visualize a triangle. Now, we all know that properties of a triangle are that it has to have 3 sides and 3 angles adding up to 180 degrees. But there are all kinds of triangles:

	Acute - all angles measure less than 90�.
	Right - one angle measures exactly 90�.
	Obtuse - one angle measures more than 90�.
	Equiangular - all angles measure the same. (60�) This is the same as the equilateral triangle.

(from http://regentsprep.org/regents/Math/triang/LTriangle.htm)

If I had to describe my life right now I'd have to describe it as an acute triangle with the largest angle representing the children, the middle angle representing me, and the smallest angle representing the hubby. I didn't know it before I had children: children require and deserve a lot of time, energy, resources I would be a bold faced liar if I said that there are never days when I want to drop these kids off with someone for a day or two . . .

When the hubby is at work, I am ON. And I stay ON even when he's home. It's the nature of mothering.

Let me show you with an example that happens in my life every day. So around 7:45/8:00, me and the children start getting ready for bed. I put Z1 and Z2 in their pajamas which is about a 15-20 minute deal given that Z1 is 3 years old and Z2 is 1 year old. Both are immune to reasoning and generally have their own agenda. On any given night, Z1 may decide that "robot pajamas" really suck and he wants to wear "lion pajamas". But the lion pajamas are in the basement in the dryer. I will spend the next 5 minutes begging and coercing Z1 to just put on the damn robot pajamas (the ones, by the way, that he adamantly insisted on wearing when it was the lion pajamas he was to put on). Meanwhile Z2, is in his playpen/crib tossing toys out and occasionally hitting big brother which pisses big brother off. Big brother then pushes little brother (who doesn't really care about being pushed). So then I have to explain to Z1 why it is not appropriate to push Z2. Finally, Z1 is in his pajamas. I ask him to pick out books. He complains that "it is too dark in there and there are porcupines". I get up to turn on more light for Z1. Z2 panics and thinks I'm leaving and starts to bawl. I come back to Z2 and pick him up, comfort him and start to put on his pajamas. Z1 is saying that he can't find his favorite book. Just pick a damn book already! While my head is turned to give Z1 suggestions as to where he can find his book, Z2 scurries off because he likes to be diaper-less. He also has a diaper pin in his hand. I wrench my knee trying to keep him from falling off the bed and sticking himself with the diaper pin. Z2 gets extremely pissed off and starts kicking and flailing his arms refusing to stay still for me to pin the diaper. Meanwhile, Z1 has *finally* picked a book. We *finally* head off to the bathroom so that I can brush Z1's teeth and get ready for bed. Z2 is absolutely not feeling being in the exersaucer in the bathroom but if he's not in some containment device, we can't get anything done in the bathroom. So he's pissed off. Z1 may or may not want to open his mouth so I can brush his teeth. I do some pleading. Some bribing. Teeth brushed. I sit him on top of the toilet so I can get ready for bed too. Z1 says he has to pee. I take off the pajamas and the diaper (he still wears a diaper to bed) so he can pee. I realize the last time he went to the bathroom, he also pooped. And 3 year olds do *not* do a good job of wiping. I commence to wiping (and make a mental note to check the underwear he just took off and put in the hamper--they may actually need to go in the diaper pail), put back on the diaper and put the pajamas back on. Sit him on top of the toilet. Start brushing my teeth. Z1 gets off the toilet and starts spinning his already pissed off brother around in the exersaucer. SIT ON THE TOILET Z1!!!! DON'T MOVE!!! I take a deep breath. Wash my face. Reach over exersaucer to get towel. Z2 thinks I'm going to pick him up. Takes his banshee wailing up a notch. Toner. Moisturizer. Put on pajamas. Oil feet and hands. Put on silk scarf. Troop back to bedroom. Get in bed.

Mom, I have to pee.

Troop back to bathroom. Pee.

Troop back to bedroom. Get back in bed. Read books. Turn off light. Tuck everyone in. Pass out like someone clocked me.

It takes a concerted effort on my part to brush my teeth, wash my face, and oil my feet nightly. It takes a concerted effort to not forget to take care of myself. It takes a seriously concerted effort to be the wife my husband needs me to be.

But I make the effort. It's worth it. I'm worth it. My husband is worth it. My children are worth it. In my heart and in my mind, we are all equally important. Just like I feel about eating well, exercising and sleeping enough. All three weigh just as heavily in my mind.

When I say I put taking care of myself first, what I mean is that if I didn't I couldn't be the excellent wife and mother I want to be, I am becoming, I am. I said over at Lisa's blog:

What I have found is that you have to be committed to yourself first, working at being your best self, for anything else to work well. If you are bone tired and don't have anything that you do for yourself, that belongs only to you, that feeds your spirit, what can you realistically give to those you love?

Practically speaking, the triangle is not equiangular right now. But as time goes on and the children need me less, I know it will be. I am looking forward to that time but also savoring this time. Because Z2's first year of life went by way too fast for me to be looking ahead instead of paying close attention right now.

If you see me in the street, and I don't look like I stepped off the runway, don't look like the hotness . . . be easy on me. I'm trying. But it's not always easy to find the balance.

I Started

A new private blog today.

Basically, I type 10x's faster than I write and so I figured a private blog would be more efficient. I think I'll still keep my journals going but we'll see.

Anyway, the blog is to work out my personal issues and demons and stuff. To vent. To cry. To laugh at ridiculous things. To bug out. To be crazy. To talk some sense into myself. To talk to myself.

We'll see.

Where did the time go?

2008, are you gone already?

You were a blur.
I'm more confused now than I was when you started
More ungrounded yet more unable to move
I've stayed in the same place
Or else taken two steps back
Instead of answering questions
You gave me more
And now the answers seem so much more obfuscated
I thought you'd give me some direction
Instead you turned me around with not so much as a compass
But you did give me the chance to see my boys grow so lovely
You did allow me to finally see me and not some distortion
In you, I learned to be a bit more self-sufficient
If it counts, I don't know, won't know
Until proving time
In you I found calmness and stillness in speaking a sound
I found a small place
Free to go within
And retrieve myself
You did give me love and change
Laughter, kisses, and hugs
You didn't give me hunger, fear
Or too much pain or sorrow
2008 are you gone already?
I was just getting started
Or at least thinking about it hard
Can I hold on to you 2009?
Make you do what I want you to do?
Or will I be writing to you too once you're gone
Asking
Where did the time go?

Photo Credit: "Lotus Flower" by wasoxygen on Flickr

2008 Knitting and Crochet Projects

I hope to finally knit a pair of socks next year and to learn some new techniques. With a new baby this year, knitting and crochet was mainly about enjoyment and not learning/advancing in the craft. I think I did some good work in 2008. Can't wait to see what I make in '09.

Happy and Prosperous New Year Everyone!!

Isn't it funny how the more politically correct racists try to be, the more their racism shines??

I have a huge problem with Food Network. Up until this year, Food Network had no problem with all it's personalities being White. This year, they added some color to the mix but I can't have been the only one to notice that these chefs are actually cooks. In other words, none of them seem to have any professional training as chefs. It's true that many of the other personalities on the network don't have any professional training either but I for one am tired of whenever it's a Black person doing the cooking, they are cooking some "down home" food. Never mind that there are about 50 million shows devoted to Italian and French food and hardly any for "ethnic" food, i.e. food from non-White parts of the world (I think I've seen one where the chef had a guest on from Nigeria). Except for "down home" soul food. There are no chefs of color on Food Network doing "fine cooking". The unspoken message is that there are no chefs of color; no Black culinary artists. But I sucked it up and said to myself, "Well, at least they finally have some folks of color on here. It's a step."

And don't get me wrong, some of the chefs on Food Network I actually really dig like the Barefoot Contessa Ina Garten. Sure, she's an elitist and all that but her food is real. I can respect her. She cooks food from scratch with real ingredients. Her food takes time though and I understand we don't all have time like that. But it doesn't have to go to the other extreme. Like this chick Sandra Lee who does the show Semi-Homemade. The concept, if you don't watch the Food Network, is that she takes "help" from the store to create foods that look and taste homemade. Yeah, whatever. So I was reading my blogs this morning and ran across this post on KellyBelle's blog Ephaphtha called "This is Kwanzaa" where I found this unfortunate clip.



Now, I can't stand Sandra Lee. She can't cook to save her life, seems to like to drink a whole hell of a lot and is obsessed with "tablescapes" (no time to bake cake from scratch but lots of time to make tablescapes). But I digress.

Aside from the obvious nastiness of this cake, the whole thing speaks to my issues with Food Network. If they wanted to celebrate Kwanzaa, couldn't they find somebody, anybody who actually celebrates Kwanzaa to come on and do a 30 minute or hour long special on some of the recipes that they have come up with to celebrate the holiday while sharing with us what the heck the whole thing is about? Honestly. It's as bad as during Black History Month when they had the Neely's (the hosts of the first Black cooking show) asking us the viewer to celebrate with Food Network. Food Network had never made any attempt to celebrate "the coloreds" during February before this. Again, whatever.

But alas, isn't it funny how the more politically correct racists try to be the more their racism shines through? There are so many substantial and actually meaningful things you could do if you truly wanted to celebrate diversity. But it's all lip-service, it's all political correctness. Smoke and mirrors. To give the illusion of progress and open-mindedness and inclusion. I guess they realized that us coloreds watch too.

Add to that the fact that Food Network likes to pretend that unless there is some meat involved in the cooking, it's not really cooking. That is why till this day they have completely ignored vegetarians and vegans, a growing demographic in this country. Not even a nod in their direction. And I'm not talking about throwing a Portobello mushroom on the grill (the same grill the meat was cooked on) for those "poor vegetarians" who can't enjoy real food. Whatever.

I guess you really shouldn't expect much from the Food Network. After all, it's where Rachel Ray got her start.

The Huntress

This is my cat Sophia. We got her from the animal shelter about two weeks before I found out I was pregnant with Z1 because we had mice who come inside when the weather gets cold. Sophia is a fabulous cat. She doesn't tear up the furniture and she's great with the children. She doesn't claw Z1 when he harasses her (and yes, he is always harassing her) and she doesn't bite Z2 when he pulls her tail. She comes to you when she wants to be petted, is friendly, and doesn't have any annoying habits.

Over the last three days, she has killed four mice. Look here, mice, you guys don't stand a chance in this house!

Ms. Sophia, you are the bomb. Aside from the fact that you inspire me with your ability to always be a sophisticated lady, regal, prim and proper even when you are taking a dump in in your litter, you are a damn good hunter. And since I hate mice, you are on my "very special being" list. :)

Now if only you could dispose of aforementioned mice in a better fashion than leaving them laid out in various places all over the floor . . .

Blessed Earthlight Beloved!

My sweet Z2 turns one year old today. I simply cannot believe how fast this year flew by. It makes me a little sad but also motivates me. Time moves. Fast. I cannot afford to procrastinate on things. Now is the time to do better.

I'm not in the mood to make a cake or anything. Maybe because it's winter and so dreary. Actually, I know that's the reason why. Would it be too bootleg to have a combined party for the boys in August? LoL.

In any case, Blessed Earthlight Beloved. Mommy loves you! <3

Confessions of an Economic Hitman Falls Flat

I finally finished it just to get through and see what suggestions he has.

I do not like reading books where the protagonist is condescending and/or patronizing. And that, to me, is exactly what Mr. Perkins is.

"The real story of modern empire--of the corporatocracy and that exploits desperate people . . . has everything to do with us . . . we prefer to believe the myth that thousands of years of human social evolution has finally perfected the ideal economic system, rather than to face the fact htat we have merely bought into a false concept and accepted it as gospel. We have convinced ourselves that all economic growth benefits humankind and that the greater the growth, the more widespread the benefits. Finally, we have persuaded one another that . . . people who excel at stoking the fires of economic growth should be exalted and rewarded, while those born at the fringes are available for exploitation."

-p. 216

Mr. Perkins, you might want to replace all this "we" stuff with "some of us" or "I". Stop trying to make your own despicable story universal. Some of us who are reading your book were born at the fringes, were born to people who lived on the fringes or still live on the fringes. Even here in the "great" United States, people are hungry and needy. The U.S. government took billions of tax-payer dollars (or money that needs to be paid back by taxpayers) and used it to bail out some of these corporatocracy folks and none of that money filtered down to the common person. Oh, everything has looked rosy for a while in this country Mr. Perkins but it's becoming more obvious that the victim of your exploits were not just people in third world countries. Yes, Americans are guilty as sin for consumerism and being happily oblivious--I won't argue with you on that. It has been a trade-off yes. Americans have been bought off with fancy cars and flat panel televisions in exchange for not making too much of a fuss when those in power do their dirty business. But how much real power does a common person possess? You could reject all those creature comforts and find that "the powers that be" are still going to do their dirty business. And if you get in the way . . . You suggest to me the reader that I cut down on how much I buy and read your book as ways to rectify the problem. Really? I think not sir. The system must go down and, by George, I think it is. Revolution is just that.

"The fact that you read this far indicates that you can relate on some personal way to my confession."

-p. 224

Actually, no. I'm fascinated by the level of wickedness that has been perpetrated by those in power in this county. I'm fascinated by how deep it goes. That is why I kept reading.

"Now it is your turn. You need to make your own confession. When you come clean on who you are, why are here during this time in history, why you have have done the things you have, and where you intend to go next, you will experience an immediate sense of relief. "

-p. 224

Mr. Perkins, please.

Overall, a confusing "confession" replete with stories that I hardly believe. The book reads like some kind of spy novel with vague references and lots of Mr. Perkins' regrets. Unfortunately, he still sounds proud about his exploits and as far as I can tell is still sitting on a cowdung-load of paper. This book is good for the information. Good to get a sense of how the U.S. has gone about making a global empire. You could watch a documentary like "Life and Debt" and get a far better sense--and see how real people are exploited by this system. I'm sorry it took Mr. Perkins doing all the dirt he did before he finally was able to extricate himself. I don't even know if he extricated himself because he felt badly or because he saw an alternate way to get more money that didn't rely on a sinking ship.

Consciousness is the first step to change, truly. I hope that as the veneer of wealth and prosperity wears off for most Americans, we will become interested in learning the truth about things. Becoming conscious. This will mean turning off the t.v. and Wii entertainment systems, cracking open books (not just on economic exploitation but on self-sufficiency and spiritual growth). That we will boycott fake and illegitimate new sources completely. That we will consciously seek out news sources that tell the whole story, or a different story--that place America not at the top of things but right in line with everyone else. (Notice on the BBC's front page there is *nothing* about the U.S. but check any U.S. based news organization and they must have something about the U.S. even if it's trite.) Americans will have to become conscious of the fact that America is not the center of the world no matter what the news says.

I'm sometimes frustrated by how little I can actually do to change things. I often feel implicit in a system that systematically exploits people all over the world--many of whom look like me. I used to feel that leaving the U.S. would be my first step in freeing myself of my role in the system. But it's so much more complex than that. Going to Nigeria and Ghana has showed me how much more complex it is. There are no easy answers. So I am doing what I can where I am . . . and realizing that the only thing that stays the same is change. And so all this is going to have to change. I want to do my part to make it change for the better.

Baking Bread Using the Food Processor and Recent Book Buys

I realized that the bread I have been making was making me feel terrible intestinally. I think I may be allergic to wheat gluten. I'm not sure though because I can eat unbleached white flour (which is not gluten free) without issues. But it seems that if it's a product that I actually add gluten to like the wheat bread I was making or the vegetarian sausages, it makes me feel awful.

Generally speaking, I use my stand mixer to knead the dough for my bread. Today I thought I'd try the food processor. I have a 14 cup Cuisinart. I've done pizza dough in it before but never bread. I decided to us the recipe that came in the food processor's booklet called Classic White Bread. I substituted olive oil for butter. The results were excellent. I've had a couple of slices and it is sitting very well. It's flavorful but still bland enough to be great for eating with peanut butter or jelly or mock tuna spread or with soup. I may have to stick with this one.

There's a book I've been eying called The Bread Baker's Apprentice which is a totally comprehensive book about the art and science of bread baking. You will notice the glowing reviews on Amazon. But while making the bread today, I realized that I really need bread baking to be a simple activity. No starting a day in advance. Making special concoctions. Hunting all over for ingredients. I just need bread to be flour, oil, water, sugar, yeast. So while the idea of baking all kinds of fabulous breads appeals to me, right now I have enough on my plate. Bread baking isn't a hobby now. Maybe one day it will be but I bake bread because we eat bread. So, I'm putting the book on my wish list (and taking it out of my shopping cart). I have a few other books I could use the money on. I did recently purchase some books using my birthday money: Gardening When It Counts: Growing Food in Hard Times, When Technology Fails (Revised & Expanded): A Manual for Self-Reliance, Sustainability, and Surviving the Long Emergency, Root Cellaring: Natural Cold Storage of Fruits & Vegetables, and Seed to Seed: Seed Saving and Growing Techniques for Vegetable Gardeners. I'd like to purchase three more books: one on astrology and two on herbs and herbal healing. Did I mention I love books?

Do you really make the world with your thoughts?

Louise Hay in Meditations to Heal Your Life says that "What [you] see in your world is a mirror of what [you] have in your mind."

Sometimes I wonder though. If I found myself in a war torn area where I was the target of some genocidal mandate or if I found myself watching my children starve to death or suffer from entirely preventable and curable illness, how would changing my thoughts change the situation?

Would it actually change the situation? Or just how I perceive it and react to it?

In college, I regularly failed my chemistry tests and almost flunked the entire course. Would that reality have changed if I had just shifted my thoughts?

How many times have I changed my thoughts and it hasn't really made a difference? How many times have I been hopeful and it hasn't changed a thing. Are there just some things that I will have to experience no matter how much "right thinking" I do?

Read "Forever?", a very thought-provoking blog by Angie over at NuVision for a NuDay.

Can you even control your thinking? Or just your reaction to your thoughts? Isn't it really just training your mind to focus on good thoughts just to crowd out the negative ones? Because isn't there a balance to everything? Good has to be balanced by bad? So isn't the real challenge to make sure the negative doesn't take over?

Sometimes I get into a mode when I think about an impending economic collapse. I think about all the worst case scenarios and play out all kinds of survival/self-sufficiency scenes. Am I speeding up that eventuality with my thoughts or just preparing myself for anything? I mean, look at the situation the U.S. is in now . . . so many of us never thought we'd be here. But here we are. How does karma/reaping and sowing come into play?

I tend to think that no universal law works independently of another. In other words, yes, we make our world from our thoughts but other laws mediate that one. And, it seems, just plain old reality plays a large part too. Genetics. Where you're born and grow up. Your natural talents. Things you can't change by thinking about it.

I also tend to feel that on a collective level, changing the ways in which we think will ultimately change the world. But how do we that? You can't force people to change their thinking? You can appeal to their higher selves but . . . what else can you do?

I don't know . . . maybe I haven't read the philosophical piece that makes it all clear but these are the questions I ask myself.

So, do you make the world with your thoughts?