The Frugal Fashionista?

Is that an oxymoron?

I'm willing to admit that for the last few years, I was not making an effort to look the best I could possibly look. There are a number of reasons but the main reason is that I was trying to be au naturel and also striving for modesty in my dress. Well, recently, I decided I was tired of looking frumpy, blah and old and decided to try to get my game back together. I stopped wearing sweats and workout clothes in public and started making a consistent effort to give myself a once over before I leave the house. It certainly helps my frame of mind and how I feel about myself.

If you read this blog though, you know that frugality has to be one of my top priorities in order for me to continue being a stay-at-home mom. Getting my game back, though, costs some money. I was trying to hook up my makeup game again. Even though I'm not a big makeup person, I realize a little foundation, lip gloss and eyebrow pencil can go a long way to giving you a polished look. But then I also realized I simply do not have $45 to drop on foundations and stuff. I was trying to revamp my wardrobe with some nice pieces. Now, believe me, I don't really shop other places besides the thrift store but I realized something else the other day while reading an excellent blog that I was recently introduced to: Wildflower. She advocates thinking really, really, really hard about every penny you spend and asking yourself, while looking through the lens of potentially difficult times fast approaching, the hard question: do I really need this ? And if you don't, you don't spend that money.

The thrift store is my slow money leak. I try to go on half-off days and all that but any good thrifter knows that the key to doing well at it is going often. So I go having the idea that I need a pair of nice fitting jeans or something. It's not that I don't have jeans but since my body proportions have changed, what I have doesn't fit quite right. I don't find what I was looking for but I do find 3 or 4 children's books, a cute purse, a nice shirt for one of the boys, or a lovely pair of shoes that would go with a particular blouse. I pay the $10 or whatever--it's great because I know that the stuff I have just purchased could easily be worth about $50.

But this is a slow money leak . . . I'm buying things I don't necessarily need. Just buying them because they're nice to have and more importantly, in relation to me upping my look game, it would be a nice addition to my wardrobe--something that would add pizzazz.

I could very well save that $10 or use it to pay for one of the childrens' activities.

But I also want to look cute. I want to accessorize and feel like I'm stepping out when I go out.

I've talked about this before but recently, it's come up again. So I'm asking myself again, how do I find the balance between being frugal and fashionable?

When I'm talking fashionable, don't get the wrong idea. I'm not a trendy person. I like classic looks with a hint of "what's in". And when I'm talking frugal, I'm talking about frugality with the goal of working toward financial security. I'm talking about saving enough money so that if an emergency hits, we can make moves. And even if no emergency ever happens, having financial security in our old age. Being fashionable is not an absolute necessity. I mean, , strictly speaking, neither is having high speed internet but the whole family uses the computer for entertainment, learning and business especially since we don't have cable. I'd say that things would have to be really hard before we got rid of the internet at home. A new pair of hoop earrings? Another bottle of nail polish? An eyebrow wax? I've thought of growing out my hair and getting it braided . . . These things make you feel nice and like a girl. Taken individually, they don't cost much. Frugality, in my mind, says wear the jewelry you have. Says you have enough nail polish. And no one but you notices your eyebrows.

You see, frugality in my mind has never meant being chic. It means being very practical. It means putting out $100 for a good pair of classic winter boots (which you bought at the end-of season clearance sale for $70). They might not match anything--no one would ever say you put together a cute outfit--but you'll be wearing those boots for years to come. Ah, but sometimes I'd rather pay $70 for the cheaply made boots that look oh so flyy with those jeans I managed to score. Is that irresponsible knowing what I know? Have I been tainted by American consumerism? Or is it the simple fact that I'm a woman and wearing cute stuff induces felicity? I'm constantly amused by those TJ Maxx commercials that talk about Maxxinistas . . . a play on the term fashionista and the newer term "frugalista". I mean, really, how important is fashion and being cute when it comes to survival and thriving in difficult times? Is it important at all?

So is it a necessity? Is your cuteness something you need? Something to really consider and take into account when you are trying to prepare for an uncertain future? It's a challenge weighing out those things that make you feel nice against the a very real reality: that the times are a changing and bank will make the change more manageable.

So, yes, I'm on the lookout for other slow money leaks but I've just identified one glaring one. Plug those small money leaks and you can easily sock away another 10%. The hubby's been saying that for years but I don't know, somehow it just clicked in a profound way the other day. Sometimes, someone else has to say it.

Do I plug the leak?

(((insert Z1's best whiney voice here)))But I don't want to!!!!

A little more money in the pocket, though, might just end up feeling better than being a frugal fashionista in the long run.

When to start talking about race?

So a friend of mine recently got her hands on two copies of Faith Ringgold's book Tar Beach and was so kind as to give me one. I actually really love this story and had used it in the classroom with older children (sixth grade) while doing my student teaching.

Well now that it's in my possession, I wonder if it's too early to introduce it to my children. Here is how it's described:

"Quilt paintings"--acrylic on canvas paper, with fabric borders from Ringgold's story quilt of the same name--illustrate a Depression era girl's imaginative foray to heights from which she can see and therefore claim her world. Picnicking on the roof of her family's Harlem apartment building--a "tar beach" to which they bring fried chicken and roasted peanuts, watermelon and beer, and, not least, friends and laughter--Cassie pictures herself soaring above New York City: above the George Washington Bridge, which her father helped build; above the headquarters of the union that has denied him membership, because he's black; above the rooms in which they live. Ringgold's strong figures and flattened perspective bring a distinctive magic to this dreamy and yet wonderfully concrete vision, narrated in poetic cadences that capture the language and feel of flight. Ages 4-8.

Copyright 1990 Reed Business Information

I have no problem with books that talk about working-class families and even families living in poverty. I think it gives the literature children are introduced to and familiar with a balance that if you don't strive for, you won't achieve. There are plenty of stories where the protagonists' problems, while not trivial, pale in comparison to stories where the main character's are facing life and death issues such as homelessness, hunger and displacement. It's important to have a diverse array of books--books that feature people of all colors and cultures and background. It rounds out our children's ideas of the stories that should be told, or more precisely, the stories worth telling.

In Tar Beach, however, there is a very strong reference to the father of the main character being kept out of a union (the very same union for which he's working on a building) because "he's colored or a half-breed Indian". This would be an excellent jumping off point to begin talking about the history of segregation in the United States but when is the appropriate age to do so? The description says it's appropriate for children ages 4-8 but just when are children mature enough to handle issues around race? Can this book be read with just an appreciation for the art? For the imagination of the story? The beauty of the simplicity in the way it's told? I'm not sure. So for now, I'll just keep it out of the rotation.

Knitting as Meditation?

I just finished reading a book by Susan Gordon Lydon called The Knitting Sutra: Craft as Spiritual Practice.

It was an interesting read and overall I liked the book. Lydon, a recovering drug addict, writer and master knitter, details how through her knitting she was able to heal herself and find her way spiritually. She tells of how she jumped from one religious practice to another trying to find her true path. Somehow, the act of knitting led her to the conclusion that her own path was something she alone could articulate and find. While reading the book though, I worried that her obsessive knitting was actually just a replacement for her drug addiction. Sometimes I felt that way but other times, I really did see how the absolute concentration of doing intricate knitting work could just be that absorbing.

Well, it's a funny thing . . . I was looking for a book to detail just how (i.e. the steps by which) we may turn crafting into prayer. Lydon does a good job of explaining how in many indigenous cultures, that's what it is but it is certainly not a blueprint for doing so in your own crafting. Still, this book re-inspired me to pick up my needles and I started a new project--a soaker--probably the last one I will ever need to knit. I also realized that for the time being, I am going to stick to small, simple projects to reduce the frustration and increase the enjoyment. As the kids get older, though, I'm determined to become a better, more advanced crafter (sewing, knitting and crochet).

I have to admit, though. It's a little off-putting (just a smidge) all this new age-y type books (check out on Amazon.com all the suggested related titles to Lydon's book) that place emphasis on both knitting and meditating, two things which are now ultra-chic but which the ancients have been doing since, well, ancient times. It feels like folks are trying to make a profit from something that should be obvious, that should have been passed down but somehow wasn't, something that wound up lost but really isn't. But I believe that if knitting/crafting and meditating or knitting/crafting as meditating can be reintroduced to us to bring more peace to our lives, bring us back to our roots, and reconnect us to the Earth and to each other, then it's really all good.

So, when you craft (cook, knit, sew, crochet) is your work a meditation? Or are you more focused on the finished product? I tend to be outcome oriented but after reading this book, I'm once again inspired to find "the stillness within, a way to contact the soul" through my work.

Apple Muffins sans Bran

I really wanted to bake something today. It's a rainy day and we're stuck inside plus I'm not in the best of moods. Baking helps with all that.

The other day I bought a bag of apples and made apple bran muffins. I've got quite a bit of apples left over and lots of applesauce too. So I decided to make muffins again but this time, not as "wholesome" tasting. So I used Cathe Olson's recipe for applesauce cake:

Applesauce Cake
Ingredients:

• 1/4 cup oil
• 1/2 cup maple syrup, brown rice syrup, or agave nectar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 cup unsweetened applesauce
• 3/4 cup raisins
• 3/4 cup chopped walnuts
• 2 cups whole wheat or whole wheat pastry flour
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon sea salt
• 3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
• 1/4 teaspoon powdered ginger

Preheat oven to 350ºF. Oil a 10-inch round cake pan or 8- or 9-inch square baking pan. Beat oil, maple syrup, and vanilla together until smooth. Stir in applesauce, raisins, and walnuts. In separate bowl, sift remaining ingredients together. Dough will be stiff. Spread into prepared pan. Bake 30 minutes, or until cake pulls away from edges of pan and knife inserted in center comes out dry. Cool on rack. Serve cake plain or with whipped tofu topping. It's also delicious frosted.

Makes 12 servings

---------------------------------

I added one chopped Granny Smith apple (left the skin on). I also did not use maple syrup since it's simply too expensive these days. I substituted a half cup of soy milk (+ a little) and 3/4 cup turbinado sugar. This recipe makes 12+1 large, really moist muffins.

On top of the muffins, I sprinkled on a crumb topping which is very simple to make either using your hands or the food processor.

Crumb Topping

3 tablespoons of unbleached white flour

1/4 cup oats

pinch cinnamon

1 1/2 tablespoon non-hydrogenated margarine

1/4 cup (plus a little) turbinado sugar

You process that in the food processor or with your hands until it's crumbly.

The crumb topping adds a little bit of extra sweetness but overall, this is not a sweet muffin which is great. The applesauce cake recipe is recommended time and time again as a good option for a first birthday cake.

As usual, the kids are devouring them. Which is a good thing because it seems like all I really wanted to do was bake them and not eat them. I can't wait till I'm in a better mood.

I Can't Stand Freecycle Flakes

Warning: I'm in a foul mood today.

Freecycle is a brilliant concept. If you don't want or need something anymore, offer it on Freecycle. Someone who could use it requests it and they come and pick it up. Wonderful. Perfect. Great.

But the last few times, I've offered and people have requested, they have not shown up. Now, I don't dictate the times when these people should come. They tell me when they'll show up. I always make sure to have it on my front porch, properly labelled and such. It ticks me off tremendously when I come home from being out with the boys all day and someone who was supposed to pick up at 10 AM in the morning has not shown up. By 6 PM, they're still a no show. I e-mail . . . are you coming to pick this up? No response. There the stuff is . . . sitting on my front porch. Looking like clutter and mess an annoying the heck out of me.

Is it like a reflex to ask for things just because it's free? An uncontrollable urge to to say, "Gimme, gimme!"? I mean, when I ask for things on Freecycle, I take a moment to think. Where would I put this? Do I really need this? Am I willing to drive that far to get it? Could someone use it more than me? Am I asking just because?

I mean, I love the concept of Freecycle and how waste is eliminated. I love the fact that I've been able to give things away when people post "Wanteds" and I've gotten wonderful things that people have offered or that I've asked for including a bicycle for Z1, a checkers set, hundreds of die cast toy cars, cloth diapers, books, and other learning materials for the kids. I mean, really, it's been so worth it. But why, oh why, do these Freecycle Flakes insist on wasting my time? I could easily drop this stuff off at the Salvation Army or Habitat for Humanity and be done with it. I try to do Freecycle to cut out the middle man especially since I've noticed that the Salvation Army likes to overprice things these days--things that they are getting for free. But I hate complicating my life and making extra effort to no avail. Really, it's getting annoying and I've sent out some strongly worded e-mails to these no-shows instead of simply ignoring them and moving on to the next person who responded.

Ugh . . . I can't stand Freecycle Corny Flakes.

Photo Credit: Morning Ritual by vinduhl on Flickr.com

Keeping My Head

We were in the backyard today enjoying the lovely fall foliage and the bright, warm sun. Z1 was out there playing with his friend and Z2 was bumbling around doing baby stuff. At one point, he decided to play the game of going in and out of the house, opening and closing the screen door. This goes on for a few minutes and then he decided to close the back door. I didn't even *think* to take off the slam and so there we were. Z2 was locked inside and we were locked outside. I started to wrack my brain thinking of what to do. I hate drama and didn't want the firefighters and police in my space. I ran around the front to see if maybe I had left the front door open for some reason. It was locked. I called my family who lives upstairs hoping that maybe someone had stayed home from church. No one was home. I told myself to stay calm. Z2 had just started to cry now that he realized I couldn't get to him. I listened to myself and stayed calm. I took one of the resin chairs to the window at the side of the house, pried the bug screen off and shimmied the window open. There are stops on the windows that keep it from opening more than 3-4 inches. I applied some force and broke the stops. Then I scooted through the window surprised at the upper body strength I have. I mean really surprised. Once in, I dusted myself off and closed the window on to get my baby. As soon as the crisis was over, I had some time to reflect. I am disturbed at how simple it is to get into our locked house but pleased that an intruder couldn't really get in undetected if someone is home. I was very pleased with my ability to stay calm and collected. I was pleased with my ability to keep my head and with my ability to think without panicking. I was pleased with my own strength too.

Other projects today included finally collecting my family's emergency supplies in one large bin and putting together our grab-and-go bag (the hubby still needs to put in his change of clothes). I developed a list of things I still need to purchase and I'll be working on that within the grocery budget this week. This week I'm thinking about meet-up plans in the case of emergency, i.e. developing a plan to get us all out of immediate danger even if we're in different places. I also want to get a laminated checklist of things to grab/we should have in a hurry.

Of course, I'm approaching all this with a levelheadedness that was not there before. I'm watching and waiting patiently. And keeping my gas tank 1/2 full at all times.

Tradewinds

So much is going on now. If you're still for just a moment, you know that things are shifting, have shifted.

Makes me think of a song by one of my favorite female reggae artists, Judy Mowatt.

Read the lyrics here.

Apple Bran Muffins

It's apple season again!! A friend of mine recently made apple bran muffins and they were good so I decided to make a batch.

I did a quick google search and found this recipe. I asked one of my message boards about sure-fire vegan apple bran muffin recipes and the same recipe was suggested except with a warning that there might be too much baking soda. So I kept that in mind when making the few modifications I made. At Trader Joe's today, a bag of Granny Smith apples were on sale for $1.99 which was great. I had all the other ingredients on hand. Here are the modifications: I . . .

1. Used rice milk instead of soy milk
2. Used baking powder instead of baking soda
3. Added 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
4. Added 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
5. Added 1/2 cup raisins

They are very wholesome and the kids really like them. Z1 is bugging me to hurry up with dinner so he can have another. Generally, I don't really like bran muffins all that much but with apples and raisins in them, they're actually very tasty. Eating them is comforting.

If any one has any tips on how to keep my jar of applesauce from going bad, that would be great. I only used 2 tablespoons from the whole jar.

Honesty?

There's a cookbook I've been wanting for eons. It's called Veganomicon. I haven't bought it because I really don't need it. I borrow it from the library regularly though.

Turns out the last time I'm checked it out, it didn't register in the system. This is not the first time something like this has happened. Our library workers are . . . I won't say incompetent . . . some are really great. Others really are in the wrong field. And you probably shouldn't be listening to music on your Ipod while at work. Anyway, the book is not showing up on my record. The library has no idea I have it. And it's one I've wanted for so long.

I know the right thing to do is return it but . . . I guess I'll return it when I get good and ready. (((Sigh)))

Honesty? Honesty.

Hula Hula Hula Hooping!

About two years ago, I purchased a weighted hula hoop from one of my good sistren who was vending at the International African Arts Festival. It's a beautiful hoop befitting any original wombman--ribbons and sparkles and all that.

Well, to say I suck at hula hooping is an understatement. And to make matters worse, the hubby is a master hula hooper. He just keeps going and going and going and going . . . So the hoop has been behind the dresser for months now and has received no play at all.

Well, today over at Afrobella's site, I saw she posted a wonderful video of First Lady Michelle Obama. Turns out that Mrs. Obama is also a master hula hooper.

Well folks, she inspired me! Since it was such a lovely day, the boys and I headed out to the backyard and I hula hooped for a whole hour. I'm still not great at it but I'm steadily getting better. It builds up a little bit of a sweat, you know, but most importantly, it's a lot of fun. I'm back on YouTube looking up tutorials and I hope to one day be a master hula hooper too!

Picture Credit: Hula Hoop by shelley.belley on Flickr. com

Too tired tonight . . .

Like most things I do in life, I go at it passionately until I just about burn out. As I get older, I'm more cognizant of this and I can generally correct the way I'm approaching something so that I don't burn out or get totally frustrated. It's what I think I did by deciding to work out at night and not first thing in the morning.

But I'd be lying if I said it wasn't hard. Many days I fall asleep when putting the boys down to bed. I set the alarm clock to 9:00 and manage to get up, workout, shower and go back to bed. Tonight was not one of those nights. I just kept snoozing the alarm clock until it was about a quarter to 10. At that point, I realized, I wasn't going to be getting into any workout tonight.

And now I'm fighting off feelings of guilt and disappointment in myself even though I know intellectually that I am really tired. I keep thinking that I should be able to pull the motivation from somewhere but I just want to sit here. And then sit here some more. Maybe mentally today I should have been pumping myself up more. Maybe I should have eaten less dinner or something different. Maybe I should have just stayed in bed.

Being with your children all day long is one of those things . . . it's kind of like when you're working out and you don't realize you over do it until it's too late. Your body reaches the point of exhaustion sometimes way before your mind gets a clue. And then to add insult to injury, folks act like you're not doing anything anyway so what's the problem?

(((Huge sigh)))) Maybe it's not too late to squeeze in a workout. I'll wait 15 minutes and see.

Reality has a way of restructuring dreams.

No one ever tells you how exquisitely challenging parenting can be. You only really hear the bright, sparkly, sunshine-y aspects of it--unless you go looking. Recently, though, there have been two great articles about this issue. One by Black Girl in Maine and the other by KIT.

I have been meditating and thinking and wondering and all that for months now and I've finally made peace with the decision to make it so that we will definitively not be having any more children. The hubby's been ready for a while now and I'm finally right there with him.

What sealed the deal? Put the last nail in the coffin. Yesterday we got a notice from the bank that holds our mortgage. School taxes have gone up and we will be paying a whopping $230 more a month. I sincerely hope it's a miscalculation but we're operating under the assumption that it's not.

Add to that the fact that my sleep was disturbed by police helicopters circumnavigating this 4 square mile town for over an hour. We have to leave this town for the sake of our boys and it will be much more likely to happen without more children. More children mean we need more things like a bigger car. We already managed to pay the one we have off and there's really no room in the budget for yet another car payment and we don't have the money on hand to just outright buy a car. More children means more diapers. More clothes. More everything really. And less to go around. It's so true.

When I sit down and look at all the pros and cons of having another baby, the cons unfortunately outweigh the pros. Even vanity plays in . . . I'm finally starting to see some muscle definition in my stomach. And, to be very honest . . . to be brutally and painfully honest . . . I'm tired. These two are enough for me especially if I continue to mother the hands-on way that I've been mothering. I keep thinking that as Z2 gets older, I could hang but right now . . . it's rough.

So I've given the hubby the okay. And hope he does it quick. Before sentiments start to take over. I've always envisioned myself with three or four kids . . . and I think dark thoughts sometimes like what if we lose one of our boys or something. But no new child could replace the ones I have anyway. That's the reality.

And reality sure has a way of restructuring dreams.

Cheap Yarn

=badly wound pull skein

which leads to one huge tangle of a k not

+ 2 kids who find it thrilling to wrap themselves in yarn?

=quick and easy knitting project turned into something terrible and frustrating.

No budget for quality yarns + No quality time to knit =I don't even want to be bothered.

Photo Courtesy of mfcorwin on Flickr.

Angelina Jolie and I don't have much in common.

Except for the flack we catch for our kids' hair. Especially since our hair is different from our children's hair (in my case, I wear a very short cut and my kids have locks and in her case, her hair is straight while her daughter's hair is textured).

If you read any blogs at all, you know that all the buzz is an article in Newsweek that commented on Jolie's daughter's hair.

Yes, there are issues in adoptions where the parents are a from different race or from a different culture. Still, celebrity children are not fair play for the media. It disgusts me to see little children being shoved into the limelight and talked about. And while I am not surprised that the issue of hair is (again) rearing it's ugly head, I am shocked at some of the things I am reading. I'm shocked at all the pseudo-deep conclusions about Black women and their hair and, most ashamedly, that folks are trying to use Zahara's hair as some kind of gauge for Ms. Jolie's fitness as a mother and/or the level of care (or neglect) she shows her child. I get it. Black hair is political, blah, blah, blah but Black women's hair issues affect Black women who then pass it on to their daughters. Zahara is a girl. With a White mom. She has her own journey she is going to need to take and, maybe, just maybe because her mom is White, she won't be saddled with the issues.

I'll admit that there have been pictures of Zahara that have left me wondering why no one is making an effort to style it. And by style, of course, I mean styles that young Black girls traditionally wear like cornrows, twists, etc. But to be honest, the style that Zahara is rocking (which you could call a freeform afro) is indeed a style. Maybe not how I would style my own child's hair, but a style nonetheless. Now, I don't know if Ms. Jolie tried to style it differently and wasn't successful or if she thinks it looks good just the way it is. As a white woman, she doesn't have the hair baggage that black women do and it may be good for Zahara to grow up without all that.

Zahara's hair looks clean and healthy to me. It may not be stylish by my standards but it's groomed. If I had a little girl, I might be more inclined to do things with her hair, but it wouldn't be a whole lot. It would probably be locked, not twisted but neat sections and folks would probably still have a lot to say. But I know from over a decade of wearing my hair natural, the less manipulation, the better. Find a good moisturizing shampoo, make sure you hair sees lots of water, get a good conditioner, and a nice light oil and that's basically it. I see plenty of little girls around here, as young as 2 years old, with fried hair or hair pulled back too tightly. I'd much rather see girls with hair that is left alone to do its own thing.

I have two boys who both have freeform dreadlocks. I *know* people look at them and make all kinds of wild assumptions about how they are cared for. Even my mother periodically entreats me to "do something to their hair". People have openly wondered why I "do this to them" especially since I don't "do it to myself". They don't know my story. Not even the half. So I've come not to care. And I hope Ms. Jolie doesn't care either.

The Danger of a Single Story

I found this on a great blog I recently discovered called flip flopping joy. It is a talk given by Chimamanda Adichie, author of Half of a Yellow Sun, one of my all-time favorite books, about the danger of taking a single story and making all kinds of extrapolations.