Not a real day off.

I was kind of excited because this would be the first Saturday I wouldn't have to go to work since mid-December.  Unfortunately the hubby didn't have this weekend off and somehow I ended up taking Z1 to his basketball class (along with Z2) while he did yardwork.  We went to the thrift store after basketball and I found a set of books that I wanted to make sure wasn't the set we already had.  So I called the hubby who wouldn't pick up the phone (neither cell phone or house phone).  Him not picking up the phone is a huge pet peeve of mine and I have to say I was quite annoyed.  I finally figured out on my own that it wasn't the set I already had (and I got if for $1.99) so that was cool.

It's been a rough day, I have to say.  It has included endless sibling bickering, thrown and missing puzzle pieces, and addition flash cards scattered all over the floor.  So I feel like I have not had a break this week.  But at least I got to practice yoga outside.  It's the first time I've done that and it was really nice.  I was a tad bit worried about the neighbors gawking and wondering what weirdness I was doing but it was all good.

Anyway, I'm realizing how much a relief those few hours a week away from my babies is.  It really is a bonus that I get paid to be away. 

Photo Credit:  "Puzzling" by jhritz on Flickr.com

Prioritizing Priorities

You know that stress that's not upfront and center?  The kind that's just kind of always humming in the background no matter what you're doing?   There's the obvious stresses that go along with taking care of two kids and a husband and myself and financial stresses.   I don't want to minimize that . But there's this other, more insidious kind of stress that saps whatever little energy I have left after everything is done.  This stress is kind of sneaky and you really have to focus on it if you want to alleviate it.

 

The most apparent background stress that was getting to me was Z1's homeschooling.  I felt like I wasn't getting enough done with him daily.  At least not as much as I felt he should be doing.  So I posed the question to a homeschooling board I'm on and from the responses, I realized that I had not been prioritizing his homseschooling.  Now, I knew it was pretty important to me but I had to ask myself what was more important.  The question was promptly answered:  getting the boys out to activities, playdates, and the like.  They're young and Z1 is still pre-school age so technically there was nothing wrong with that but I had two conflicting things going on.  I wanted to get school work done but I also wanted them to have a lot of play and be around other kids.  Something had to give.  I had to relax on something.  I decided to relax on the schooling.  It is still a priority to me but I've realized that I have to prioritize my priorities.  Perhaps in a few more months I can come back and re-evaluate.  I most likely will do that the closer he gets towards first grade.  But I still had the stress of feeling like I was not doing enough with him humming in the background so I committed to doing something academic with him daily either before or after mealtimes as I'm able.  It doesn't have to be grand.  It can be simple.  A review.  Anything.  I've been doing it for a week or so now and so far, so good.

I thought about the other humming stresses in my life.  Waking up at the crack of dawn to journal and chant and exercise.  I realized, being the driven person that I am, that I had been background stressing myself to increase the length of time I chanted.  Going to Buddhist meetings and stuff, you hear folks talking about how they chant for 20, 30, 40 or even 60 minutes.  Not to be outdone, I was giving it my all.  But I was burning out--dragging myself out of bed, distracted while chanting anyway.  So I decided to prioritize my priorities when it comes to my morning "me time".  Right now, fitness is extremely important to me.  Chanting and journaling is too but to a lesser extent.  Perhaps in a few months, that might change.  So I committed to going back to my 5, 5, 5.  Journal for 5 minutes.  Read for 5 minutes.  Chant for 5 minutes.  Fifteen minutes altogether which leaves me ample time to get my long ass P90x + cardio that I have to add in on top of all that workout in.  I don't have to put on two episodes of Blues Clues to get through my workout (and deal with the accompanying stress and guilt of my boys watching too much TV) and I don't have to throw my whole morning schedule off trying to fit it all in.  This helps me tremendously as I then have time to do some school work with Z1 in a more relaxed way.  I've been doing that for a few days now and so far so good.  

Another humming stress is keeping the house clean.  I have this schedule that I try to keep but it is often impossible to keep.  The failure to keep up with the schedule hums loudly in the background.  I had to prioritize my priorities again.  It is a priority of mine to keep the house neat.  It helps me function better physically and mentally.  But getting meals together and doing laundry seems to be a higher priority right now.  As long as things are not gross (I've developed the habit of spot cleaning more than full-out, top-to-bottom cleaning), I have to deal with some untidiness.  Perhaps in a few months years, that might change but I've been doing it this way for a week or so now and so far so good.

So I've identified here three humming stresses that have been weighing me down.  There are others like wanting to write more consistently and get published, doing more with my blog, reading more, knitting and crocheting more.  Basically these are all the things I want or need to do that vie for the limited time I have.  And I figured out the key to alleviating those stresses was to organize them in terms of what is most important to me at this moment: prioritizing my priorities.  It goes without saying that you have to take a long hard look at what takes up most of the time in your day.  These are priorities whether you want to believe it or not and you have to decide if you actually want those things to be priorities.  For example, I used to spend a good clip of time reading blogs and being on message boards.  I really enjoy that.  But the time it was eating was just too much.  It was an unwanted, unconscious priority (not that I didn't want to be doing it but I didn't want it as a priority).     But at this point, I'd rather other things be priorities.  So in the interest of not depriving myself, I have maybe four or five favorite blogs (shout out Keep It Trill and BlackGirlinMaine) that I always take ten minutes or so to check and I have a whole host of posts starred. I hate to go to my reader and see that folks have updated their blogs 10 times already but I had to let it fall to the wayside a bit--at least until the dynamics in my life change.  I rarely post or read message boards except the ones I moderate. 

I accept that I don't have unlimited time or energy.  It is what it is, really.  As the kids get older and can help out more, it'll free up more time.  Then I hope to be able to fit more in so that my life looks more like what I'd want it to look like ideally. 

Picture Credit:  http://www.marvinhimel.com/blog/tag/priorities/

I ran today!

I (mostly) ran about 4 miles today in a little under an hour.  I would probably have been able to run more if my ankles didn't start hurting.  I know I need a good pair of running shoes but I honestly don't want to put out the money right now.  We just (finally) put a new roof on the house and we still need a gate to keep Z2 from running out into the street.  I wanted to get Z2 a tricycle with a handle because he wants to ride so badly but really can't.  The tricycle would give him the feel of riding and it converts into a regular tricycle.  That's not an absolute need right now, though and in all reality, we actually have about 2 or 3 various trikes around here none of which really do either Z1 or Z2 any good.  Either their legs can't reach the pedals or they tip over easily.  So while it's not a strict necessity, this trike would be nice to have.

I guess running shoes aren't a strict necessity either but I have to say, I really enjoyed it today.  The trail where I ran was totally breathtakingly awesome.  The running was calming and so purgative.  I could see adding running to my fitness routines.  Ah, I'll think on it a few days and see.  

Photo Credit:  "My hideous running shoes" by minorissues on Flickr.com

I updated my review of the Happiness Project

Here it is. 

I started to do the edit at 6:30 AM when I was supposed to be chanting, journal-ling and practicing yoga all at the same time.  The edits I wanted to make were taking up a whole lot of my mental space last night as I went to bed so I knew I needed to get it in somehow. At 7:00, Z2 was really awake and making a lot of noise.  After doing a seriously abbreviated chanting session, I went to get him, made him a smoothie and put on Blues Clues.  Now I am going to practice my yoga.  Hopefully he will let me get through the whole routine.

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

subtitled Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun.  Check out Gretchen Rubin's blog here.

Since I don't consider myself the most spiritual of individuals, if I ever decided to pursue my own happiness project, I probably would have gone about it the way Ms. Rubin did, i.e. with lots of checklists and lots of research.  It would probably feel a bit forced but I would ultimately convince myself that it was worth it in the end because one of the quotes I would have discovered in my research would have said so.

I'm being a little tongue-in-cheek here.  While The Happiness Project was an enjoyable read, I found it to be a bit too academic and not organic enough.  Too many quotes and sayings and teachings influenced Ms. Rubin's project and her thinking.  The book sometimes feels like one quote after another that Ms. Rubin is tying together.  Elizabeth Gilbert does a similar thing in Eat, Pray, Love but somehow it felt a little more natural.  Maybe because Gilbert's approach to her own happiness project was less planned.  Nonetheless,  I feel the Happiness Project was indeed a noble project but at the same time I had some nagging concerns.

See, obviously Ms. Rubin has means (both financial and otherwise).  There's really no way your everyday, daily-to-work, breaking-a-real-sweat-to-pay-the bills, it's all on your shoulders kind of person could have pulled off a similar project--at least not that extent.   I look at my own life, recognizing how incredibly blessed we are that we can afford to be a single-family household, and note some things that seriously put a damper on my happiness.  I love to read and write but being the one primarily responsible for running my household and taking care of my children, I have precious little time to do it.  There is no extra in our budget to hire a babysitter and I don't really have any family close by that I could ask to watch the kids for a four or five hour stretch.  So as I'm writing this blog, this is what I'm dealing with:  it is about 15 minutes past the time I should be putting the boys to bed but I am trying my darndedst to get this piece done.  Z2 has pooped yet again and he is stinky all the way to the high heavens.  Z1 is playing basketball in the house again even though he's been told numerous times not to.  Z2 then starts climbing all over me so I push him aside trying to get another sentence in.  I hear some loud crash in Z1's room followed by an "Oh, no!"  Turns out Z1 has hit and broken the wall clock with his basketball.  Now I am about 30 minutes late in the bedtime routine and worried about what this clean-up is going to look like.  (((Sigh))) I type in the last few sentences and hit publish, exhausted by the effort and wishing I had those quiet moments in the library  with a laptop like Ms. Rubin so I could write in relative peace.  (Compared to all the ruckus going on while I try to write, I think I wouldn't mind the lady next to me in the library constantly sighing.)  For me, doing the things that make me happy means not doing other things that would make me happy.  Our late evening last night translated into me missing my beloved yoga class this morning although  it could be argued that at least I'm investing in my happiness by taking yoga classes in the first place.  My writing pushed out my yoga class, although I will practice at home today.  Adding these extra sentences to this blog post is again eating away at my time to practice before Z2 gets up--actually, he already got up but the hubby managed to get him back down which bought me some time--I should really be practicing not writing--but I love and need to write!  It's a constant juggling act trying to fit in the things I know would make me happier into the limited time  have and to do those things within the limited budget I have. 

Now, I will totally agree that there are practical things we could each do to make ourselves happier every day.  And I most totally agree that we are in control of our own happiness.  But for most of us, the things that we think would make us happy are often just out of our reach (most often because of finances) or too difficult to finagle.  For most us, we simply don't know exactly what will make us happy yet we strive thinking that if we could just get that promotion, that new phone, one more child, we'd be set only to find out when we get it that we're still feeling a lack.  I think that was the biggest thing I took away from the excellent documentary This Emotional Life.  

But Ms. Rubin gives it an honest shot and I think she comes to the same conclusion I've come to:  that to be truly happy the only requirement is to be who you are.  BE YOURSELF!  Now that is a high and lofty goal if you think about it because we've spent so much of our lives trying to be who we are not.  Trying to fit into boxes that others have created and insisted that we fit into.  It may take an entire lifetime to get to the very bottom of who we are but it is an important undertaking, I think.  And for that reason, I admire Ms. Rubin's efforts.

And as Ms. Rubin rightfully points out:  our happiness in turn makes those around us happy and if those around us are happy then we will be happy.  But I, being a daughter of immigrants, can never shake the feeling that our happiness in America often comes at the cost of the happiness of those in less affluent locales like Nigeria (although many will argue that Americans aren't that happy anyway).  Ms. Rubin's way of handling that issue was to say that people can be happy in any situation essentially but then when they have more money, they can really focus on the things that bring them happiness since they're not focused on the knitty-gritty of survival.  Well, of course.   That made me a bit uneasy, though.  I think it's a very American/Westernized way of being but at the same time I recognize that within my small sphere of existence, there's nothing I can personally do to influence the happiness of someone living in abject poverty.  Hell, I can only do so much to influence the happiness of my own flesh-and-blood child.  So I guess I kind of agree with Ms. Rubin surprisingly:  I better start focusing on my own happiness. 

Also, Ms. Rubin concludes that another important aspect of happiness is the "atmosphere of growth," i.e. feeling like you're making progress toward a goal and not necessarily the accomplishment of that actual goal.   On this point, I can't argue.  One of the thrilling things for me in my yoga practice is watching advanced yogis do things.  I know I couldn't possibly put my foot around my neck but it is fun and makes me happy to keep working toward it.  Yoga is also great in this regard because once I reach that goal, there are many, many others to work toward.  That's why they say yoga is a journey and not a destination.  And that's why it rings so true that the point of any journey is not the end but the process. 

As usual, if you read the reviews there are people whining about how the book is narcissistic and yadda, yadda, yadda.  Well, yeah.  She even says it is very self-centered but that a project completely focused on her own happiness could only serve to improve the happiness of all those around her.  What's the harm then in undertaking such a project?  My spiritual practice is self-centered yet I know that the higher I can make my vibration by studying and praying, the better off everyone around me is.  It's supposed to be self-centered.  Gandhi said it best:  Be the change you want to be in the world.

The book didn't offer any brand new insights or inspire me to start my own Happiness Project but it did indeed make me want to think about little things I can do to bring more joy and happiness into my life.  A word of thanks instead of complaint.  Singing a song instead of mumbling.  Deciding to stay at home even though there are "fun" activities happening.  Meditating on ways to infuse my day with things that bring me more joy (because just because those things bring everyone else joy doesn't mean that will be the case for me--another salient point Ms. Rubin makes--Be you!).  Just a general commitment to be mindful about ways to infuse my days with more happiness, playfulness and laughter.  Because as Ms. Rubin says:  the days are long but the years are short.  How true!

This was a good book--an interesting read.  I had to rush through it though because I couldn't renew it since it had a hold on it.  It's quite popular.  I guess everyone is looking for ways to achieve happiness.  Ain't nothing wrong with that.

Edited 05.20.10

In the Minority

One of the best things about going to Africa is being part of the majority.  Most places I go when in Ghana or Nigeria, I don't stand out.  The people all look like me.  The advertisements all feature people that look like me.  If I turn on the television, I see people that look like me.

I happen to live in a town where most of the people look like me but as soon as I step foot out of this town, and go up north just a bit, I become conscious of the fact that I am in the minority.  It doesn't really bother me much. I have not encountered any overt racism and generally people are friendly and accepting.  But still, as a human being, it's tough sometimes when you don't see people that look like you.

In the homeschooling community, I am definitely in the minority and that is difficult.  I keep showing up to homeschooling meetings holding out hope that there will be other faces of color.  Every so often, one will turn up like at yesterday's get-together and it's thrilling.  I can connect with homeschoolers of any race but there are things, certain things, that only folks of color can understand so it's important to me to find them.

But back to being in the minority . . . one of the most interesting things that happens is that you often have to stop and think about things a lot to figure out if it's racially motivated or just, you know, regular.  I think that's one of the worst things about being in the minority.

They have opened a new Fairway Market not too far from where I live.  I absolutely love Fairway and used to drive down to NYC to do my grocery shopping there.  So I was thrilled that they were opening on up here--not more than 5 minutes away.  There was a huge hullabaloo when they opened too.  The place was completely packed and for good reason:  the store is huge.  You can get any and everything there.  It's just awesome.

About a month ago I went on down there to do some grocery shopping and I discovered that the bridge connecting my town to the town the Fairway is in was closed.  It's a drawbridge so every so often, they will pull it up to let a ship pass.  I didn't think much about it--I just took the very congested and out-of- the-way detour.  A week later,  I noticed the bridge was still closed and now there were signs that the bridge was closed.  Oh boy--this sucker was going to be shut down for a minute.  Well, no problem for me:  I figured out a better detour which involved a highway.  But currently, there's no way to walk to Fairway--well you could but it would tack on well over an hour to your journey.  I started to wonder how they could close such a major bridge when there was a brand new business everyone was itching to get to.  That didn't seem like good business practice and then slowly, slowly, slowly I started to wonder if they were purposely trying to keep folks out, away from their new, shiny, upscale store.  Who were they trying to keep out?  Then it occurred to me:  those folks on that side of my town for whom Fairway would be closer than Pathmark and a better option for grocery shopping (especially since the prices are, believe it or not, comparable).  They would be heading to Fairway on foot to take a cab home or by bus.  But with that bridge out, it would be way too inconvenient to go to Fairway.  I then remembered how much of a big effort they were making to make sure they never said Fairway borders my town or NYC . . . all to preserve the upscale shi-shi image.

Then I thought to myself:  What dark thoughts!  Why do you think like that?  The bridge could really just be out--no ulterior motives.  Just out of order.   But then I realized I kind of have to think of things in this way being in the minority.  I have to be able to recognize these things.  Nobody wants to be that character in the Dave Chappelle skit who doesn't realize who he is and when things are directed at you!  It's not only ridiculous but dangerous.

I know issues of race and class often get conflated and it's hard to separate the two sometimes.  But most of the time I honestly feel I catch more heck for my race than for my class.  More often I think, "Are they doing that because I'm black?" than "Are they doing this because of my tax bracket or where I was raised?"  That's the honest truth.

So anyway, the bridge stays out of order.

And I keep wondering about when my brain will get the memo that we live in post-racial America.

Queen Ifrica Does it Again

So I love me some Queen Ifrica.  I think this sistren is supremely talented.  Really take time to listen to her lyrics.  Intelligent and creative.  Truly powerful wordsound.  Not to mention I love her dresses and style. Just wanted to share.

Reached my goal!

This past Sunday at my weekly weigh-in, I discovered that I had hit my target weight of 130 lbs.--and even went past it.  It was exhilarating!  Then you know what I did?  I re-set my goal weight!  LoL.  I like being 130 lbs. but I just want to see if I can hit 125.  I don't think I'll stay there though. 

Ironically, I lost the last 2 or so pounds that was keeping me from my goal weight on my "recovery week" from P90X.  I spent the week doing lots of various types of cardio, a bit of strength training and yoga.  I have to admit, I had a lot of fun not doing P90X.  So much so that I didn't start up again this week.  But I would feel so accomplished if I did actually finish.  The one thing I really, really love about the P90X program is the Ab Ripper X component.  It's such a challenging workout and I can honestly say that I feel my core tightening and strengthening.  On a larger scale, it's wonderful to feel the new muscle on my body--to feel strong. 

Anyway, I decided to join a running meet-up.  The most feasible time for me to get with this meet-up is on Sundays at 8:30AM so in two weeks or so, I'll give it a try.  I first attempted running in college but it was a painful, unpleasant experience.  I want to see if it will be different this time.  The appeal of equipment-free cardio is overwhelming to me, I must say.

I also realized that I am a total geek because I absolutely love tracking things on Weight Watchers.  We went on a two and a half hour hike today at Westmoreland Sanctuary.  It was a good hike--we were working pretty hard.  And you know what?  I couldn't wait to get home and put it into my WW Activity Tracker.  Six activity points earned while not even really trying all that hard.  Awesome! 

Photo Credit:  "Bullseye!" by Gare and Kitty on Flickr.com

May 9, 2010

Wishing all the Mother's a very wonderful, blessed day!

Photo credit: Keith Mallett (Many Thanks Anna C. for letting me know who the artist is . . . his work is beautiful)

A great find and in interesting discovery

This will be one of those quick posts that smushes two topics into one. LoL.  

Okay, so firstly, look what I found:  

We went to a cherry blossom festival today in White Plains and as we were walking back to the car, we noticed it.  Being who I am, if something looks good, even if it is in the trash, I have no shame in stopping to check it out to see if it's there's any life left and/or if I can use it.  It so happens that this wonderful piece was in such good condition (along with the chair that was with it) that I figured someone had to be moving it somewhere.  So I checked it out, all the while, completely expecting the owner to come out at any moment.  Ten minutes.  15 minutes.  We started to load it up into the car.  I figured at this point if someone wanted it, they would say something.  No one showed up for it.  I wish I could have fit the chair in the car too because Z2 is outgrowing his high chair and we only have three kitchen chairs but it's okay.  This cupboard doubles my counter space and provides a heck of a lot of storage.  I'm thrilled about it!  I would be thrilled if I bought it full price.  That I got it for free is just so awesome.

Secondly,  this is the third week of weighing in where I have experienced weight gain  Granted, it's just a few ounces but it is no coincidence that my weight gain corresponds with starting P90X.  I want to say that it is just that I'm putting on muscle but I really think that the real reason is that I'm not doing enough cardio.  I feel more sluggish and I miss how good it feels to really move and sweat.  I'm moving into week four of the program which is a recovery week.  However, I am not recovering.  I'm going to do a good amount of cardio this week, a little weight training at some point, and one extra yoga session. I will be thinking about how to modify P90X to suit my needs.  The program requires 75 minutes or more on most days which makes it almost impossible for me to add 30-40 minutes of cardio daily.  So, I really have to figure out how to make the program work for me or I have to accept that it doesn't work for me at this time.  As luck would have it, just at the moment when I started to wonder about what to do, a friend of mine gifted me Insanity which is definitely more cardio based with weight training using only body weight.  I almost chose Insanity over P90X simply because it requires no extra-equipment.  One thing I do like about P90X is the use of the chin-up bar. since one of my goals this year is it be able to do at least one chin-up. 

I don't know . . . I'm looking forward to using my regular DVDs for this week.  I'm looking forward to feeling good after a sweaty, heart-thumping workout.  Perhaps I will gain some clarity while working it on out!

Hope you all had a fantastic weekend!

P.S.  The hubby says he saw the owner wheeling it out when we first arrived at the cherry blossom festival but thought that he was getting ready to load it up into his car or something.  Two hours later, as we were leaving, it was still out there.  Waiting for me!  Why the hubby didn't tell me that at the time, I will never know.  Gotta love the menfolks!

The only thing I have dreaded about losing weight . . .

 . . .  is having to get new clothes.  Currently, I'm a size 6 but most of my clothes are a size 12.  It makes me feel sloppy to have such baggy, ill-fitting clothes but I'm in a bit of a 4-way bind.  

Firstly, I know I do not want to go shopping with the kids.  Shopping with the kids means I won't be able to focus as much as I want and I will probably have to rush since they tend to have very little patience for clothes shopping.  

Secondly, I really don't know what my style is.  I know that I like certain things but I have absolutely no idea how to pull all those things together into a cohesive style.  I feel overwhelmed and intimidated by the thought of spending money on new clothes that I don't know exactly what to do with.  I mean, I had a style pre-kids.  Well, many various styles that corresponded to the phase I was in but back then I enjoyed shopping more and didn't mind spending hours scouring the racks.  Hitting the clearance racks at H&M and Macy's was a rush!   Well, while I'm not exactly sure of the style that's me, I do know a few things about myself.  That I like simplicity. Nothing too fussy.  I don't like accessorizing.  No big buckle belts or multi-layered ensembles.  Just classic kind of stuff with an earthy undertone--comfortable yet kind of chic.  Is that even a style?  How do I pull that off?   I honestly need maybe 5 bottoms and 5 tops.  I have one pair of really comfortable brownish colored Danskos and another pair of really comfortable black clogs.  I hardly ever choose any other shoes and that's why I don't have that many shoes to begin with nor do I want more shoes so the clothes I buy kind of have to go with the Danskos (or Birkenstocks in the summer). 

Thirdly, there's the money constraint.  I just renewed a subscription to my favorite magazine for 2 years.  It struck me that I could have used that money to get a few things but honestly, shopping these days is kind of stressful and elicits a lot of "Why in the hell is this so expensive?  It's not even 100% [insert natural fiber here]!"  I subconsciously feel I enjoy the use of the money more with some good reading material.  But I also know that I would really enjoy feeling like I look good in my clothes.  

I think I will go the thrift store route first but I'm going to wait until the hubby is on vacation and I can spend a couple of hours by myself and hit a few different thrifts stores.  If I have a good day, with $60 I could really clean up.  Forty dollars spent at TJ Maxx, Target or Marshalls should seal the deal.  For $100, I might acquire a decent wardrobe.  It would be a whole lot more fun and a whole lot less stressful if I had a girlfriend to go with.  It would be a kind of adventure maybe.  Let me tell you, the other day the simple fact that I can't find anyone to go shopping with was messing with me something awful.  Everyone is busy or lives too far away.  Heck, I'm too busy.  Schedules never mesh at all.  So I'm just sucking it up and looking around trying to find some kind of inspiration for the style I'm trying to achieve so that I at least know what to keep an eye out for.  I'm trying to eliminate the dread and build excitement.  It's kind of working. 

Photo Credit:  "New Clothes" by TarynMarie on Flickr.com

My First Attempt at No-Knead Bread

Tuesday was like a marathon kitchen day.  I made all kinds of things: Spicy (vegetarian) Italian Sausage, yogurt, whole-wheat pizza dough, perfect tempeh burgers (broke my burger press making them this time) and (drum roll please) no-knead bread . I finally finally finally decided to give the famed no-knead bread recipe a shot.  The results were a little disappointing but I think it's because I was rushing this morning to get it done.  I watched a few videos on YouTube and I'm pretty sure I got the procedure right but I was sloppy in some places.    The bread looks beautiful--like store bought Italian bread--but inside is kind of wet, gummy, and heavy instead of light and fluffy.  It tastes nice even though--yeasty and good for soup.  We're going to eat it.  :)  I am eager to try it again though when I have more time and I'm more relaxed--perhaps I'll start Saturday and finish Sunday.

Cleansing the Skin with Oil

I'd heard about doing this a few years ago but was always hesitant to try.  As someone who used to have really oily skin and who is prone to acne breakouts, the last thing I wanted to do was slather oil on my skin.  

Since having kids though, my skin has changed a lot.  I'd say it's combination skin that tends towards dryness.  I don't get breakouts as much either.  So after reading a thread on a message board, I decided to go ahead and give it a try.  I've been doing the oil-cleansing method for a week now with really nice results.  I've can see that my pores are shrinking and are becoming less noticeable.  I haven't had any major pimples since I started this method either.  It's very exciting because cleansing with oil is relatively cheap, 100% natural, quite easy and quick, and, most importantly, it works! 

Interested in cleansing with oil?  Here's the article I read years ago that got me started.  Since I have "normal" skin now, I use a 50:50 mix of castor oil to olive oil to cleanse my skin.  I follow up with a couple of drops of jojoba oil which I thoroughly rub in to my damp skin. I get my castor and jojoba oils on Ebay from this seller.  The oil I buy from him (or her) is high quality and the price is good.  Speaking of which, I do need to order some more.  

The next step is to find ways to lighten up some of the dark marks left over from pimples.  I've heard of using aloe vera gel but I'm not quite sure how to use it.  Another suggestion I found is rose hip oil which I am more likely to try. 

Have you ever tried cleansing your skin with oil?  What did you think?

Give thanks!

Amongst RastafarI people, often times you can hear the phrase "give thanks".  Ones and ones will say "give thanks" instead of "thank you" when someone does something for them.  When I started trodding RastafarI, this was one part of the RastafarI vernacular (aka I-Speak) I adopted first.  I love the significance of it.

The term I&I represents so much:  the union of human to human and the union of all humans to the Highest I (Jah).  Wrapped up in "I&I" is an acknowledgement of that deep mystery of our interconnectedness but also our strive to be wholly united with the Divine.   Saying "give thanks" harps back to that.  When someone says "Give thanks" he or she is not only thanking you for your good deed but thanking the God in you and thanking the Highest I.  He/she is also giving you a command, reminding you to give thanks even as he/she is giving you thanks.  Wrapped up in those two words is a profound offering of gratitude and a beautiful expression of humility and a call to worship.  

So to all you beautiful souls who read my blog, GIVE THANKS!

Photo Credit:  Homespun with Heart by Danielle Flanders

Something New . . . P90X

Life has been so hectic around here.  I feel like the things I enjoy doing are getting a tight squeeze while the thing I need to do multiply.  

Anyway, I started P90X.  This was after a great degree of deliberation on my part because of the cost.  A few weeks ago, I purchased the program from someone on Craig's List for $75 and was thrilled to have gotten it at such a low cost.  Everything looked legitimate until I started reading some of the materials and noticed tons of typos. After really looking closely and viewing the DVDS (some of which won't play right on my computer),  I realized that my set is a really high-quality bootleg.  Bummer.  But whatever . . . it wouldn't keep me for doing it.

Then I realized I just wasn't prepared mentally to start.  I mean, they've hyped up the program so much I figured you already needed to be in tip-top shape to start.  I was reading the testimonials and blogs of triathletes and stuff and I got seriously intimidated.  All the "Bring It" language just shook me.  

This week, I finally felt ready to jump in.  I didn't do the fitness test (which gauges if you are in good enough shape).  I just started.

Day One (Sunday) was supposed to be Back and Chest.  I was turned off by the emphasis on push-ups and the fact that I didn't have my chin-up bar set up yet (that's a whole story in an of itself*).  So I decided to do Day Two which is Plyometrics.  It was a good cardio exercise but certainly not more challenging that Jillian Michael's Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism which I have been doing regularly.  Day Three is Yoga X and I went to my yoga class instead.  Day Four, I was  completely exhausted so I didn't work out.  Day Five (Thursday) I did Legs and Back (which used the chin-up bar heavily).  That was a lot of fun although I could have used more weights for the leg exercises.  I used a chair for the chin-ups and let me tell you . . . I'm still feeling it today.  Today was Kenpo X and I was not amused.  At all.  I felt  like I needed to do more cardio for today. I actually kept wanting to stop the DVD and put on Jillian Michaels to get a real workout. For my digestive health, I really need a good high impact workout . . . this week with P90X has been tough on my insides and I'm feeling like if I spend an hour plus working out at the crack of dawn it really needs to be complete and effective . . . not leaving me wondering how I can get in 20 minutes of jumping rope somewhere in between all the other stuff I have to do. (((sigh))).  To be fair, I did work up a sweat with Kenpo X and although I don't have a heart rate monitor, I know I wasn't at my target heart rate.  I could sing throughout the entire workout which means I wasn't working hard enough.  I really couldn't think of way on the spot to increase the intensity. I found  suggestions of adding weighted gloves, ankle weights or a weighted vest but honestly, I don't want to spend any more money on stuff and psychologically, I wanted this program to be complete. 

Right now, I feel like I bought into the hype and I'm not feeling so excited about it anymore.  Just before I started P90X, I discovered Jari Love and I love her routines (all strength).  Adding Jari Love in with my various cardio routines (jump rope, step, etc . . . ).  I was doing about 3 hrs. of weight lifting, 2-3 hrs. of cardio and 1-2 hours of yoga a week.   I felt like I was getting where I wanted.  But I don't know . . . it seemed like P90X was the pinnacle, a real challenge that would get me into the best shape of my life.

I'm going to keep going with it but wow . . . I usually don't fall for it but here I am.  I'm moving on to Week 2 and I'm determined to get through it to say I did it.  I'd like to be able to do push-ups and pull-ups unmodified.  That's really the only thing I can't keep up with.  

The hubby suggested that maybe I am in excellent shape right now.  Somehow, I can't make myself believe that all the way.  There's nothing to compare to except how it was when I started.  And I will readily agree that I've come a long way. 

I've also had a shift in the way I approach this exercise and fitness thing because I've come to terms with the possibility that my stomach will never be smooth and flat again.  Despite all this weight loss and all the toning I have done, I have a lot of saggy skin that splotchy and discolored.  I really thought that losing the weight and exercising would at least give me a stomach I wouldn't be embarrassed about if my shirt rode up or something.  It's okay though.  I have really tough days when I just want my pre-baby belly back.   Desperately.  But most days I'm okay.  I'm exercising now so that I will be strong throughout my (hopefully long) life.   

I will update periodically on P90X and my progress. 

*We already had a chin up bar installed in the bedroom which used to be the living room. Since I work out at 5 in the morning, I couldn't use it because the hubby and the kids are still sleeping when I'm working out. There are various ones on the market including ones that just go over the door (no drilling). I would have gone with an over-the-door model but many will not fit over the wider moldings typically found in older houses (like mine). Also, we'd like to spend the least amount of money and the kind of bar you drill is relatively cheap or if we just moved the one we have. So I'd been asking theo move the one in the bedroom or install a new one in the living room where I work out. It has just been one reason after the other:

1. Can you even do a chin-up?
2. Why can't you use the one in the bedroom?
3. Are you even going to stick with this work out?
4. I don't want to put any more holes in the house. (As a note, neither do I but I think this is a good reason to do it).

Etc., etc . . .

So I tried to do the workout that morning without the chin-up bar only to find that I absolutely needed it. I googled for over-the-door models that would work with my molding and came up with a few hits. Honestly, I knew I didn''t have the time to be buying different ones, trying them and returning them if they don't work. And from the reviews I read, most of them are hard on the house anyway (the padding doesn't do much).

I was already disappointed and annoyed that I couldn't get through the workout (although I did something else) and also pretty sad that I bought a pair of shoes for my son which he picked out and this morning all he did was complaining about them (now he loves them). Then I was trying to troubleshoot the chin-up bar thing again with the hubby only for him to keep saying, "Can you even do a chin-up? I want to see you do a chin-up? Can you even do the modification? I'm not sure if you're going to stick with this. I don't want to put holes in for nothing."

Despite the fact that I get up every day at 5 to workout. Everyday. I've lost 25+ pounds and still going. And because of my personality, I rarely give up without a damn good fight. I can do 3 sets of 8 modified push-ups now . . . when I started, lucky if I could get 5 push-ups done.  Anyway, it was annoying but to the hubby's credit, while I was out grocery shopping, he moved the chin-up bar and apologized.