Unlikely Expressions of Self-Love II

As mothers of young children, it's often easy for us to relegate ourselves to last on the list.  We realize that our children need us for every little thing and it takes a lot of energy and a lot of time.  It doesn't matter if we are stay-at-home mothers or work-out-of-home mothers, the time we have to focus on ourselves is limited.  

I find it encouraging to do little things that don't take much time that express to myself that I love myself.  I wrote about one unlikely expression of self-love a few months ago.  Recently, I've incorporated another unlikely expression of self-love.

Pre-kids, I used to spend at least an hour a week giving myself a pedicure.  This included soaking my feet, scraping off old skin,  massaging and moisturizing and painting my toenails.  Having good-looking feet was (and is) a high priority to me.  But, as much as I'd love to do that now, it's just not possible.   So recently, I've been taking one minute while in the shower to take care of my feet.  All I do is take a pumice stone to each foot for 30 seconds each.  I do it towards the end of my shower so that my feet are very wet.   Once I come out of the shower, I just apply shea butter/moisturizing lotion and I'm good to go.  It's very simple and over the course of a few days, it has left my feet supremely soft.  Here are some detailed instructions on how to do it properly. 

Sometimes I feel like I need to hurry out of the shower.  I have to cook breakfast.  There are diapers to wash.  Laundry to fold.  Programs we need to get to.  Groceries to be bought.  And the list goes o n and on.  But I have made a habit of talking with myself (not out loud--I haven't cracked up to that extent yet) and ask myself, "Can't you give yourself one minute?"  The answer is always yes.

And I'm sure I didn't spend more than $2.00 for my pumice stone (which is just like the one pictured) at the local beauty store (not $14 like the one I linked to).  

Having soft, touchable feet can be achieved cheaply--both in terms of time and in terms of money.  A wonderful expression of self-love indeed.

Brown Skin

If only my skin looked as good as the woman in this picture that popped up when I googled "acne prone skin"! {{{chuckles}}}

I always attributed my acne to the fact that I had oily skin. Supposedly, it was the oil clogging up my pores and causing the pimples and cysts. But after having two children, my skin is completely different. It's pretty dry and often kind of dull. The complete opposite of what it once was. And yet, I still have acne!

I usually have a clear complexion until the time I ovulate or a few days before the start of a new moon cycle. This month's bout of acne is quite severe--more severe than it's been in a while. I'm trying my hardest to leave my skin alone but I'm pretty sure that there will be a lot of bad scarring once this is over. I even bought acne medication (a cream with 2.5% benzoyl peroxide) to try to improve things more quickly but it doesn't seem to be doing much.

So I'm not quite sure what to do. I've been cleansing with knock-off Noxzema and following up with a mix of shea butter and jojoba oil. I can't say it's working like a charm but it's all right. And cheap. I picked up a book at the library called Brown Skin by Dr. Susan Taylor and I'm hoping that it may shed some light on what I'm doing wrong and maybe how to do it right. I'm sure I'll be dealing with acne for the rest of my life since my mother still is and I'm okay with that. I just need to find a way to lessen the severity of breakouts and recover from there without any major scarring/hyperpigmentation. And I need it to not cost a lot.

Back-to-Basic Ways to Keep Yourself Looking Good

One thing that's generally clear about women cross-culturally is the desire (or maybe even need) to feel lovely, beautiful, flawless. Most women like to walk into a room and have heads turn. We do all sorts of things to achieve this (especially pre-marriage and pre-children when we are free to focus 100% of our energies on us). Now that most of us are tightening our belts, we've had to chuck a lot of the things we may have been doing to help us achieve that sense of outward flawlessness. I know at Whole Foods the other day, I had to put back some very nice soaps that I wanted because my grocery bill was way over what I had on hand to spend. As I read folks' blogs, I hear ladies talk about cutting out manicure/pedicure visits, learning to do their own hair (and sometimes stumbling along the way) or going longer periods of time before paying the hairdresser a visit, and eliminating other things (they don't have to be huge things either) that used to help us achieve our signature flyness. So I got to thinking: if the shit really hit the fan and we were suddenly thrown into chaos, what are some practical ways that we as women could retain a sense of flyness? It's important to our survival as whole women (not just physical survivors).

Now, I'll be the first to admit, with a three year old and a one year old, and with only one household income, it's a challenge to make sure I feel good about how I look when I step out. It's much easier to throw on any old thing and go. But it's a challenge I at least try to meet just because for me personally, feeling positive abour how I look changes how I approach the world. If I feel good about how I look, even with two kids in tow, I have a spring in my step and I can turn heads. Wanting to feel good about how I look drives my physical fitness efforts. It's what makes me choose a pretty headwrap and make the effort to wrap it instead of tossing on a hat.

I've been getting into World Made by Hand recently and the words that come to mind are "stark" and "difficult". I think to myself: I already have limited resources and limited time . . . what if I had even less? What if most of the resources and time went into physically surviving? First off, would I even care how I look? Secondly, with nothing to really work with, if I did care, what could I do about it?

So I thought about it and came up with at least one way to feel beautiful despite whatever is going on: rose water. Out back we have an old rose bush that the hubby's grandmother used to tend. It no longer flowers but back when granny attended it, it was beautiful, so I hear. I don't know if it will happen this year as my focus is on vegetable gardening, but I am going to get that rose bush back to flowering (if not plant a new one). Why? Because it looks beautiful and being surrounded by beauty helps us feel the same but also to make rosewater. If you've ever smelled rosewater, it's divine. It is rosey but not overly so. And it's not too hard to make at home. You can use it as a toner/refresher or as a body spritz or as a linen spray. I buy commercially made rose water now but it's good to know that if I had to, I could make the stuff. I've tried my hand at making rosewater lotion (emulsion of rosewater and jojoba oil I think) . . . not so good.

You know, every time I hear a story of disaster or difficulty, what often strikes me most is people's desire to feel human. For women, one aspect of our humanity, it seems, is beauty. Often you hear that for women who have been through hard times, a little perfume or nail polish goes a long way to alleviate the suffering.

(I'm editing this post 03/10/09 in the interest of keeping my blog positive and not catty.)

I am interested in being the best we can be especially in difficult times. I'm not talking about being 100% perfect--no one is. I'm talking about you feeling good about how you look (really doesn't matter how anybody else feels). Ms. Erykah Badu sang one of my most favorite songs (Cleva) and I love how the words always apply. It's acknowledging that your dress may be $7 and your hair may not be quite right . . . and so what? I'm.still.flyy.

We hope for the best always but in the event of the worst, it's helpful, in my mind, to think about ways that we could still feel gorgeous in spite of. To me, a big part of emergency preparedness (aside from physical survival) is keeping your mentals intact so why not incorporate this aspect? It's imperative to meditate or pray or do whatever you do to ground yourself but it's also important to me as a woman to think of little back-to-basic ways to feel good about how I look.

Nightime Lip Conditioner

I've mentioned that before I go to sleep every night, I make sure to put on lip balm. Last night I realized I didn't have any more left. What to do?

Recently, the hubby has been experimenting with body butters that feature lanolin as an ingredient so there was a tub in the bathroom with just pure lanolin in it. I decided to use it on my lips. After all, many of the lip balms I buy have some lanolin in it anyway.

I was first introduced to lanolin because of sore, cracked nipples in my second trimester of pregnancy with Z1 and used it faithfully during those painful first few weeks of nursing him. The smell was kind of iffy but it worked fabulously. Later on as I discovered wool for cloth diapering, lanolin became important again because it is what gives wool it's waterproofing properties. So we have had lanolin around the house for a while now.

I'm sticking with it, ya'll. It's great. I woke up and my lips were soft and did not feel dry at all. I put some more on this morning and with my regular lip balms, I'd be ready to reapply by now. But this stuff lasts!

I've always been a huge lip balm fan. Back in the day it was Vaseline all the way but I moved away from mineral oil in my body products. I can't say I've found the best solution for my lips in all the numerous mineral-oil free lip balms I've tried but, and maybe it's really to early to say, I think the lanolin comes close.

If you're worried about the purity of the lanolin you use on your body, buy Lansinoh brand lanolin (which is triple purified) or some other high quality lanolin. Be aware, that there is no such thing as "organic" lanolin so just go with a company you trust.

Photo Courtesy of http://en.heilkraeuter.net/ointment/lanolin-anhydrous.jpg

"On the Rag"

I've been using cloth menstrual pads for about three years now and I will never go back to paper/plastic pads. Post-partum after Z2, I tried to use disposable pads and after a day or two, I couldn't take it anymore and got out my cloth. I find cloth to be far more comfortable than disposable but also surprisingly as effective.

Photo Courtesy of www.moonpads.com

The minute I tell folks I use cloth menstrual pads, their expression noticeably changes into one of confusion and sometimes disgust. But as I glowingly tell them about the benefits of cloth both to myself and to the environment, they start to listen and realize it's not so weird or strange after all.

My switch to cloth pads was a natural progression since I was already cloth diapering my son. There are basically two natural (reusable) options for menstrual blood collection: a cup, which is emptied out periodically and then rinsed and re-inserted or cloth pads which are washed. Since I never really liked tampons I decided to go with pads.

Like with cloth diapers, I didn't know many people personally who used them and I just jumped right in to try to find what worked for me. Initially, I collected patterns in hopes of sewing my own but as with diapers, a serger, which I don't have, would produce a much better finished product. As such, I purchased an assortment of pads some of which I absolutely love and some of which I use as a last resort or just because I have them.

The first cloth pads I acquired were GladRags through a co-op on MDC for a significantly lower price than retail. Actually, a sistren of mine at the time did mention using these pads once and she seemed to like them so I was excited about getting them. I purchased three cotton day pads and one organic overnight cotton pad. How these pads work is that there's a pocket where you can slip in absorbent cotton inserts depending on how much protection you need. I find the day pads are a tad bit short for me and when I first started using them, I never felt quite comfortable. As my flow lightened though, they worked better. The overnight pad is nice and long although I wish the inserts were a bit longer (they are the same length as the day pad inserts). Over time, I've purchased two more overnight pads. GladRags are high quality pads that I don't mind recommending.

Next I turned to Ebay and found the seller "Naomiomy". This seller sells basic, quality pads. They're made from flannel and so they are very soft and quite comfortable. Again, when I first started using cloth, I found these to be too narrow (although long enough). As time went on though, I found that they do the job. And the price is quite right especially compared to GladRags.

On Ebay, I also found Ama'z Padz (she doesn't sell on Ebay anymore because she has a store on Hyena Cart) which are my absolute FAVORITE pads in the world. In fact, I just ordered some more recently. Ama'z Padz are ingenious. Although she does sell all-in-ones and other types of pads, I am partial to her original padz (click link to see how they work). The regular pad is perfect for me lenghtwise and widthwise. They are so absorbent, deceptively so since they are quite thin in comparison to other cloth pads and even to regular disposable pads. They are also very convenient to use. These are the pads I use if I'm going out and the ones I used when I was working outside of the home. I love, love, love them.

I have one LunaPad that I bought when I couldn't get more Ama'z Padz (I was always missing her re-stocking). I can't stand that pad but I wear it because I have it. It's soft and comfortable but I don't get how the rick-rack stuff is supposed to hold the pad in place. I generally turn it upside down, ignore the rick-rack to wear it and it's not bad that way. Very absorbent and pretty too.

I have three panty liners that I bought on Ebay too. They are an all-in-one situation, are cute, absorbent and fit neatly in my bag when folded up. I carry these around in case my period comes unexpectedly (which it never does but old habits die hard). I looked on Ebay to see if I could find the seller but no luck.

There was one last Ebay purchase of flannel all-in-one pads. That purchase was a complete miss and I will only use those on the very, absolute last day of my period.

Most of my pads are cotton/flannel but many use hemp and fleece (which stays dry to the touch even when wet). I do not have any that have a waterproof backing (PUL) and I find I haven't needed that. I like the fact that all the pads I have are 100% breathable. That has eliminated the issues I had with disposable pads in terms of it being too hot in the summer, itchy, etc . . .

Now to the knitty-gritty of using cloth . . .

Most cloth pads are secured using snaps (most of mine do). Some use velcro. Some just lay in your underwear and friction keeps them in place (one overnight pad my sistren sewed for me works this way and it works well, suprisingly). I, like many other woman, have "period panties". My "period panties" are not dark-colored or anything. They are just slightly smaller than my regular panties. This helps to keep the pads in place and the pads keep the tighter panties from being too wedgie-fabulous.

I change my pads pretty regularly throughout the day and it seems to be about every time I go to the bathroom. That averages about 5-6 pads daily. I change not because the pad is full but mainly to feel fresh. When I take a pad off, I soak it in a pail with water and hydrogen peroxide or color-safe bleach. The pail (which is, by the way, not see-through) is covered for the kids' safety and also for the sake of the hubby and guests who I don't think need or want to run into a bucket full of bloody pads. But that's just me. I change the water daily until it's time for wash day.

I used to wash my pads by hand but I felt I was wasting water so I started to wash them in the machine. No special procedure: I simply washed with whatever detergent I had and hung them to dry or dried them in the dryer. Nowadays, I wash my pads along with the diapers. I was skeptical about doing this at first but I realized that the diapers get rinsed first, washed on the longest hot cycle then rinsed again. Everything comes out smelling and looking clean and fresh. No stains or anything. Plus, I don't use any extra water to wash my pads which is great.

To go out, I carry my pads in a plastic cosmetic bag that is divided in two sections. One section I stow my clean pads and the other section holds my used ones. Once I arrive home, I empty out the wet bag (that's holding used diapers) into the diaper pail and I put my used pads in to soak.

To store my pads, I use a jumbo-sized Rubbermaid clear plastic rectangular food storage container with a lid. While I'm on my period and using the pads, I rarely put the lid on. Once my flow is over, I organize my pads neatly and put the lid on ready for next month.

Back to the hubby issue. It took a little convincing to get the hubby to be okay with the cloth pads. He, like many others, thought it was gross and a bit too much work. But after I showed him what it was about and didn't act grossed out myself (because I wasn't) and drew lots of comparisons to cloth diapering, he accepted it as a normal part of life and now is all for cloth pads. Because, of course, in the long run using cloth pads saves money and the hubby is all about that. I would say the start up costs/the money I've spent to date on cloth pads is about $125-$130 dollars. I have 18 day pads, 3 liners and 3 overnight pads. I used to buy a pack of Always overnight pads (which I would just about finish during the first 4 days of my period) for about $5 or $6 and I'd use a pack of regular pads to finish out my period. That adds up and so now that I've been using cloth for so many years, it makes financial sense. Some frugal mamas, I've heard, even use newborn unbleached prefold diapers as pads and that would be a very inexpensive way to go.

I'm pretty sure by the time I need to buy more pads, i.e.when these ones are worn out, I will be ready to sew my own (which would be the most cost-effective route). But right now, I'm quite pleased with what I have.

Many women who use cloth use the soak water to water their houseplants. We buried Z2's placenta in the backward where the garden will be (we decided against relocating it) and I can see using the soak water to water the plants back there. After all, that menstrual blood is what would have sustained life. That would make the garden uniquely mine.

Saying a woman is "on the rag" is a slang term to express that she's menstruating. Back in the day, many women used cloth to catch their menstrual blood since disposable pads were not available yet or very expensive. I'm not sure if it's derogatory or not to use the term but I like the way it sounds. It's not bad being "on the rag," quite literally.

Recommended reading: The Red Tent by Anita Diamant.

While I don't celebrate Christmas,

I do enjoy the energy that's in the air around this time. This year, however, the energy was not so, ummm, energetic. I guess it's going to take a while for people to become accustomed to less stuff. I heard the disappointment in my niece's voice about her lack of Christmas gifts this year. I know many are feeling the same way.

Anyway, everyone knows I like to bake and so that's what I decided to do this year. I made banana bread and pumpkin bread. Unfortunately, the banana breads that I made got burnt on the bottoms pretty badly because I had them in the oven on too high a temperature trying to get them to bake all the way through in an hour instead of an hour and 15-20 minutes. The temperature was far too high: 400 when it was supposed to be 350. I think I will try 375 next time and check every five minutes after it has been in there for 40 minutes. Or just bake the darn things at 350 for an hour and 15-20 minutes. (LoL . . . I hate when my impatience gets the best of me.) Luckily, those ones were going to family so I sliced off the burnt bottom of one and packaged it then sliced off the burnt bottom of another one and cut it into slices and served it on a plate. I still want to bake for some other friends but I'm not sure when I will have time to bring it to them or when they'll have time to pick it up. Anyway, here's how I presented the bread:I'm thinking that next year I will start early to advertise doing holiday breads and cookies. This was the first one I did and as I did more, I think they got better. The cellophane wrap and the ribbon all came from the 99c Store. I wrapped the bread in clear plastic wrap first so that the bread wouldn't be directly against the cellophane. I'm thinking I could sell a loaf or a dozen cookies for maybe $15, wrapped and all and I'd make a good profit. We'll see.
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In other news,I went to Super Stop and Shop to pick up a few things the other day. I wanted to buy some more Noxzema. I noticed they had the store brand right next to it for half the price. The great thing, though, was that it was missing many of the questionable ingredients in Noxzema like methyparaben and propylparaben. And it seems to work just as well. I think what I'm going to do is stick with the knock-off Noxzema for daily cleansing and do an oil cleansing once a week. It's a bit of a time consuming process so that's why I think once weekly will have to suffice.

I borrowed Dance of the Inches: Fat Burning Belly Dance from the library and I like it. It's fun to do and Z1 does it too. Z2, on the other hand, seems to feel like he's being ignored and will not stay in his playpen. When I take him out, he tries to climb me. You cannot get your belly dance on with a baby trying to climb you. It makes for good comedic material. Anyway, I found the DVD on ebay for about $5. I also borrowed Wai Lana's beginner's yoga cd. It's due today and I haven't even popped it into the player. Hope I can renew it and get to it.

Well, here's to hoping that the year ends out peacefully.

Tweaking the Beauty Regimen

For me, simple is best. I know the best beauty regimen is eating well, drinking lots of water and getting plenty of sleep. I try to do these things as best I can but, of course, there is always room for improvement.

Anyway . . . I decided a few weeks ago that the facial care routine I'd been using before having kids (and that was working well) just was not cutting it anymore. So I tried honey as a cleanser and that seemed to not work well enough to cleanse my skin, i.e. breakout central. Now I'm trying Noxzema--the old school white stuff. Far from natural, I know but it seems to be doing the trick. I wash with the Noxzema morning and night, tone with diluted apple cider vinegar, wet my hands a little and mix in about 4 drops of jojoba oil for a moisturizer. I wake up with glowing skin. Most of the time blemish free. I'm going to keep it up for a few more weeks to see how it goes. The next thing to try is cleansing with oil. I'm a little nervous to try anything else since what I'm doing now seems to work but I will try it after the jar of Noxzema is done. If it works equally as well, I'll stick with it. I really prefer the natural stuff.

I'm employing another far-from-natural product on my hair: Murray's Pomade. Since my hair is quite short right now there's not that many styling options. So what I've been doing is to wash my hair twice a week and apply Murray's Pomade daily. The stuff is t.h.i.c.k. and it generates serious heat in your hands while you rub them together to make it soft enough to put on your hair. I then brush with a boar bristle brush and put on a silk scarf. This gives my hair a sheen and a soft wave without it being oily and gunky (like with gel). It looks polished and refined, I think. Cute. If I could find a way to achieve the look naturally, that would be fabulous but most folks I know agree that Murray's Pomade is the way to go.

As for my dry winter skin, I have found that Eucerin does not do a darn thing. It kind of just rests on the skin and then gets rubbed off by my clothes. What has been working is mixing body butter (I just mix pure shea butter with a little olive oil to soften it) and Trader Joe's Moisturizing Cream. TJ's stuff is not tested on animals and contains no mineral oil although it does boast a long list of ingredients some of which I don't recognize. What I need to look for now is a really good hand salve because since I use my hands so much and wash them so often, they are cracking and peeling like nobody's business. I think Burt's Bees makes one.

Anyway, as you get to be a grown woman you find that your body (mind and soul, for that matter) need different things. Every part. It's not always fun trying to figure out what it needs but it's very nice and very satisfying once you do.

Helping My Skin Glow

I watched a little bit of Oprah yesterday and they had dermatologists on there. I was a little disappointed that they didn't show women of color but, I admit, I only watched the first 15 minutes. But anyway, my skin has been presenting some challenges recently and I've been thinking about how I can correct it without spending money I don't have.

I used to have really oily skin which I had learned to manage quite well and which was on it's way to being "good skin". And then the babies came. Now my skin is really dry most of the time and, interestingly enough, I'm dealing with acne breakouts again. Thankfully they are not the breakouts of my teenage years (all over/not one area of my face pimple free). So it's time to redo my skin care routine to try to get my skin back to glowing. I had tried honey as a cleanser before but it seemed to jerk around with my allergies. I'm trying it again and moisturizing (or sealing in moisture) with jojoba oil. I did it last night before bed, no allergy flare ups and my skin looked really good this morning (not ashy). I'm going to keep it up for a week or two and see if it will keep breakouts at bay. The hubby uses ground oats as an exfoliant--I might get into that too. The exfoliant that I had been using (by Queen Helene) I think is a little too harsh. My face feels tight and brutalized after using. I'm going to recommit also to doing a facial mask on Saturday although I'm not really sure if the ones I have are good for my skin (again after doing it my skin feels tight--but I think that might actually be the point of masks, I'm not sure).

Now for the dry skin that's made worse by winter, I broke down and bought some Eucerin. At least I'm not itching all over the place. I don't think I'm ready to make a full-fledged foray back into the world of chemical cosmetics but my scalp and hair are dry and sore enough that I am going to also have to break down and try Head and Shoulders to see if it will help some. This is as I wait to see another dermatologist (and what the first dermatologist I had seen recommended).

I've been taking cod liver oil (high Vitamin A and D) but only sporadically. So I'm recommitting to it in hopes that it will help my skin along this winter. Blech.

Basically I have my feelers out trying to find inexpensive ways to help my skin get back to glowing. Now, I know genetically I'm prone to acne and I do have a lot of dark marks and acne skin (big pores, etc). But if I can at least have skin that's not dull, that's pimple free, moisturized and healthy, I'll take that. I know also that my skin probably won't wrinkle and crack as I get older (my mom is in her late 50s and still has acne issues but not one wrinkle) . . . so I'm just trying to make sure that I'm wrinkle and crack free well into my senior years.

Oh, and I'm thinking of cutting my hair into a dark caesar. The hubby is against it but honestly, my hair has fallen out a lot, is patchy and combing it pulls out a lot of hair every time. I was hoping that as it grew, I could maybe find a few dollars to get kinky twists put in (I look good with longer hair but not necessarily hair that hangs down--full hair styles complement my face). But my hair is uneven right now, I can't say that it's actually growing (there a times when my hair stops growing altogether) and honestly the money for a style is not in the budget. DH could cut it and I think it would be neat and very manageable. We'll see.