Powerblocks!

I realized just after I posted my last entry that I hadn't shared the fact that I finally got a set of Powerblocks.  In July, I mentioned that I wanted some more functional, efficient weights.  I knew I didn't really want to put out the $400 interchangeable weights cost but if I really sat and thought about it, the weights did constitute a smart investment in my fitness. 

Essentially, when it came to interchangeable weights, there were two choices: Powerblocks 2.5-50 pound adjustable dumbbells and the BowFlex SelectTech 552 dumbbells.  The main advantage of the BowFlex dumbbells is that with just a turn of the dial, you can select your weight in 2.5 pound increments.  With the Powerblocks, you have to lift the dumbbell out of its base, flip a switch and then drop out the 2.5 pounds bar.  If you're interested, you can view a video here.  Remember, the main point of getting these dumbbells was to increase the efficiency of changing weights and this extra step seemed like it would suck too much time which I simply don't have.  Plus, it's fussy.  For this reason, BowFlex seemed to be winning.  Until I realized that just by looking at them, I could tell the Powerblocks, though less chic, are also more durable and with 2 young kids that was definitely an advantage.  Another advantage of the Powerblocks was that they were relatively compact and short compared to the BowFlex which seemed kind of long.  But really, I was open to either one I found a good deal on. 

I was searching all over Craigslist and one day found someone selling their Powerblocks 5-45 pound adjustable dumbbells. for $250.  The price was great but they were not exactly the ones I wanted.  I wasn't sure if the 5 pound increments would be too much.  As a woman, I was pretty sure I'd need those 2.5 pound increments.  For the longest time I was curling 15 pounds.  I absolutely couldn't curl 20 pounds.  With the hubby's weights, I was able to get an 18.5 pound dumbbell and I knew that worked well.  Someone was also selling the BowFlex dumbbells for $350: $100 more than the Powerblocks and there was still that nagging fear that the kids would mess with them.  So, I decided to go ahead and purchase the Powerblocks.  I drove all the way to Brooklyn (aka the dark side of the moon) and picked them up.   I figured I could come up with something to make up for the fact that they adjusted in 5 pound increments. 

And thanks to the magic of Google, I did: ankle/wrist weights!  I purchased a pair of GoFit ankle weights (2.5. pounds for each weight for a total of 5 pounds).  They cost no more than $17 and bridge the gap perfectly. 

So I really, really like the Powerblocks.  It took a little getting used to in terms of how to position my hands for certain exercises.  I was worried that for exercises like pullovers, I wouldn't be able to fit both hands into the dumbbell.  But I can so no problem with that and I have not had any problems with any other exercises either.  

I have to say that the Powerblocks are maybe the best investment I've made fitness wise (or maybe they are tied with my DVDs and Transfirmer step which I also found on Craigslist for $45).  It's wonderful to not have all kinds of weights littering the floor.  I push the Powerblocks to the corner, close to the wall and close to each other.  As such, the kids can't mess with the pins.  I'm so happy I got the Powerblocks because occasionally, the kids will jump on them to reach things.  I don't know if the BowFlex dumbbells could have taken that kind of abuse.  I'm actually feeling really blessed that I got the  dumbbells I got (the 5-45 pounds adjustable) because slipping on the ankle/wrist weights is a relatively quick process--definitely not such a process that it would warrant me spending an extra $100).   Maybe not as quick to change as the BowFlex but it's really okay.  Plus, I can use the ankle/wrist weights for other exercises too.  I feel like I've made some smart decisions with my fitness equipment lately and I'm happy about it.  I'm really looking forward to my next fitness challenge although I'm not sure what it is yet. 

So have I beat you in the head with fitness stuff enough?  :)  It's my thing now!! I can't help it! 

A good shoe . . . the sneaker edition

Like I said in a previous post, I have come to appreciate a good shoe.  For exercise especially, a good shoe is terribly important.  I believe that it is because I was wearing the wrong shoe that I injured my foot a few months back.  I'm still dealing with somewhat unsightly edema from that incident although thankfully, there is no pain.  

I'd been wearing a pair of of Adidas running shoes I bought at Costco for everything fitness.  These were actually a great pair of shoes and I didn't have any issues with them.  They felt comfortable and provided adequate support--although I realized after injuring myself, not nearly enough.  The first time I went for a run though, I dragged out my ancient pair of Champion (aka Payless Shoesource) sneakers, not wanting to mess up my Adidas and knowing the Adidas were old and lacked cushion and support.  Boy was that a big mistake!  I might have done much better with the well-worn Adidas! My ankles were so sore after that--and I was running on a trail!  I was glad I hadn't tried to run on the pavement with those Champion sneakers!  Later, I tried to run with the Adidas and had no luck. at all  I then tried running in the Adidas with my orthotic insole and it was better but still not good.  So I realized that I needed to do something about my sad sneaker situation.

I decided to get some sport specific shoes but initially I didn't want to put out a lot of cash especially since I didn't know if I'd keep up with the running.  So I went to www.onlineshoes.com and purchased a pair of New Balance WX710WS cross trainers which came out to about $60 with a coupon I had.  They were horrible!  I ended up returning them and then doing some serious research on sneakers.  I settled on another, slightly pricier pair of New Balance shoes, the WX840SB and these were perhaps the best sneakers I had owned up until that point.  They hold my feet right, have great arch support and provide lots of stability for the side to side movements of step aerobics or plyometrics. 

For running I went back to Costco and bought another pair of Adidas running shoes for $40.  They were the Adidas Litestrike EVA.  Since I'd lucked out with the first pair I'd bought there, I figured I could stick with Adidas for a running shoe.  Turns out this was not the case.  They were horrible for running!  Just terrible.  I tried to switch things around: use the New Balances for running and Adidas for aerobics but both sneakers were just manageable for each sport.  The New Balance is definitely  a shoe for aerobics.  The Adidas are more suited to running.  But not to me running. 

So a few weeks ago, I bit the bullet and finally listened to the advice that I had heard from multiple places: I went to a running specialty store to get fitted. Best decision ever!  I ran on the treadmill, tried on thirty thousand shoes and then I decided on the Asics GT-2150.  

They were pricey (about $100 all told) but I know that if I am going to continue running injury-free, I need the best shoe for my feet.  They fit my insoles perfectly and provide awesome cushion and ample support.  They make running that much more of a pleasure.  Six miles and it's not my aching feet and ankles that make me want to stop!  I love them and can't recommend them enough.  I want to say Asics is my running shoe of choice although I will never again just assume that all the different shoes a brand makes will work for me.  But I am certain that when I need a new pair of running shoes, I would buy these particular ones again.  The fact that they are all black is just a bonus!

So yes, I spend a huge chunk of money on fitness.  It's a high priority right now.  I've come to see myself as an athlete.  And just as a serious cook needs high quality equipment, a good athlete needs high quality equipment.  I won't be skimping on my equipment from here on out and I have learned to always go and try on my shoes before I buy them--no matter how convenient online shopping is.

The ArchAndroid

The same good friend that recommended the book I'm reading now (Three Cups of Tea) also hipped me to a relatively new artist Janelle Monae.  I got her album The ArchAndroid and the first couple of times I listened to it, I thought it was way too strange.  But it's really starting to grow on me!  It's really refreshing to hear something so radically different when everyone is essentially doing the same things over and over again.  Plus, there are some tracks on this album that have a really old school, classic feel (think Ella Fitzgerald and Sarah Vaughn but also Judy Garland . . . lol!)  So I decided to do a little research and watch some videos on YouTube.  And, to my surprise, I think this sister is a natural, i.e. she wears her natural hair texture.  She gets extra cool points for that! So hats off to this very creative sister!  Once I get through this album, I'm going to check out her other one Metropolis. 

Here's a link to "Tightrope":

And maybe my favorite from the album, "Cold War" (I love the video, by the way!  Ms. Monae is stunning!!:


And another one I really love "Sir Greendown":





Also, check out this interesting review of The Archandroid. 

Book Review: Dreaming Me by Jan Willis

I picked up this book after receiving recommendations for it from two sources.  It's not often you hear about a Black woman's experience with Buddhism and so I knew I had to read it.  And I'm so pleased that I did.  I related in so many ways to Willis especially when it comes to wondering why I was born into the family I was when I am the way I am.  I found myself nodding in agreement so often, I had to chuckle.  No surprise that I found my way to Buddhism like Willis did!  

The book was hard emotionally in some parts.  I know that having never lived in the segregated south with the KKK as a serious threat, I can't really appreciate the kind of terror Black folks had to live in.  Willis made this existence stunningly clear.  I mean, things like having to drive around in the sweltering heat with the windows rolled up for fear that some racist would throw acid to blind a Black child . . . it's hard to imagine.  But it's the truth.  Also, Willis does some work to find out her family's history and there were some parts of her search that made me boil with anger.  

And there were some parts that just really struck home like when Willis father tried to let her know that she was just as valuable as her White counterparts.  Meanwhile, society had let her know differently.  Willis wishes that the foundation for a strong self-esteem was laid right from the beginning because in truth, that is the only effective way to do it.  Trying to instill self-esteem in a child who has already been barraged with only negativity about themselves is an uphill (and mostly futile) endeavor.  

Willis also struggled with some phobias like a fear of snakes (like I do) and lightning.  She lives in a house where there are snakes all around.  One gets in her house.  She doesn't freeze or go into shock or anything like I would so I don't think her fear of snakes is as profound as mine.  Her fear of lightning is and I could totally sympathize.  She goes through a form of therapy that helps to realize her fear of lightning is rooted in the terror that the KKK caused for her earlier in life.  This really saddened me but at the same time I was happy that she got to the bottom of it and was able to live life a little more freely.

It was amazing how she tied the book in at the end to her beginnings in the Baptist church, realizing that she didn't need to reject one path to embrace another.  I just loved the way this book ended and had to go back to read that part again.  It was just really sumptuous!  It's a brilliantly written, honest book that chronicles one woman's extraordinary journey: the struggles, the lessons, the hurts and failures as well as the triumphs. 

I really enjoyed this memoir and highly recommend it especially if you are a woman interested in Buddhism.  There are so many pearls of wisdom and insights in this book that I would really love to own it.  I will be keeping my eyes open.

By the way, keeping my eyes open has yielded me three books from the thrift store, I'm happy to say:  Eat, Pray, Love, Autobiography of a Yogi, and a collection of O. Henry's short stories.  All for less than $2.  Can't be mad at that at all. 

I'm currently reading Three Cups of Tea.  It's taking me a little while to get into it (i.e. it has a slow start) but it comes highly recommended by my good friend. 

Going it alone?

I never imagined that homeschooling would be something I would do in isolation.  I always thought that when I was ready, I'd go looking and I'd find a cohesive, vibrant homeschooling community to be a part of.  So far, this is not the case.  There are few homeschooling groups I'm a part of but they are not co-ops   Co-ops generally meet consistently and have an agenda/goal for each meeting.  They are more structured and this is what I would love to have.  The homeschooling groups I'm a part of have mailing lists with all kinds of activities and interesting (though often expensive) programs and I keep thinking I'll get involved with some of the activities (like the playgroups and all that) but the truth is going to these groups would involve 40+ minutes of driving.  One group would have me driving to the city and fighting for parking.  The other would have me driving north further into the country and while I wouldn't have to worry about parking, I would have to worry about the lack of diversity.  

But so far, I haven't been able to find anything going on close to home.  I've tried starting my own playgroup but after weeks of showing up and being the only one there, I'm starting to think that there are just not that many homeschoolers where I am.  And it's discouraging.  I know that I cannot commit to driving 40+ minutes multiple times a week.  But I really don't want to homeschool "on my own".  I can handle the academics but socially, I need the [I]consistent[/I] support and friendship of other homeschooling families.  DS is starting kindergarten this year and I felt myself hesitating to buy his materials just because I don't know how to keep going.  I often feel so alone doing this.  Summer has not been too bad because the neighbors' kids are around.  When they go back to school, I cannot bear to hear my Z1 complain about not having friends to play with and not wanting to play with his baby brother all the time.  I'm kind of at a loss.  And dreading winter.  At least now we can go out to the playground or pool and hang out for hours. 

I really don't need to have a large group of homeschoolers.  Honestly, one committed homeschooling family that we click with would be fine.  I don't know.  I know that having that kind of community relieves a lot of the pressure that builds when it's just you and your children all the time.  When a friend comes over to hang out, even the toughest of days becomes more manageable just by virtue of their presence.  I need people who I feel comfortable with so that we can barter childcare, help each other do this work of raising our children in an environment that encourages learning. 

I often say I'm taking homeschooling one day at a time but honestly, in my heart of hearts, I want to homeschool.  Already, there are so many wonderful reasons I can easily identify that make homeschooling perfect for our family.  But this one issue of social isolation is a huge sticking point.  And I'm forced to take a look at schools just to know what's out there just in case I can't 'make any headway in this regard.

I mean, in many ways, this issue of social isolation that comes with homeschooling is just a continuation of the isolation I've felt as a stay-at-home mom in an area where there are very few stay-at-home moms.  I wonder why I'm drawn to do things that are just not that popular where I am?  I'm not the most social of people but I know I'm not willing to go it alone. 

I'm not giving up hope yet. I recently met a great homeschooling family.  I'm looking forward to getting to know them better.  And I'm thinking about maybe taking the train on down to the city to try one of the playgroups.  Hopefully, the efforts pay off. 

Photo Credit

For a number of reasons,

I do not subscribe to fitness magazines geared toward women.  I'll borrow them from the library but I absolutely refuse to spend my money on them.  First off, they give the same advice month after month:  

Get a flat belly!

Try the sure-fire workout!

Eat this and never gain an ounce again!

They always ignore women of color. To them, we simply don't exist.  

But this month's issue of Fitness, I did purchase for my flight back from California.  I figured I needed something light to read and I thought this magazine would fit the bill.  But it raised so many issues that it was hardly a light read!

Here's a question and answer:

Q 

I'm African-American. [I felt encouraged when I read that--maybe they're paying us some mind!] What's the best way to wear my hair when I workout?

A 

A study from Wake Forest Univesity in Winston-Salem, North Carolina found that 31 percent of AA women polled said they exercise less than they should because of hair-care worries.  Before you ditch the dumbbells, try this routine from stylist Kim Kimble.

Step 1 Pull or brush your hair back into a low ponytail

Step 2 Twist the tail up into a bun and loosely fasten with bobby pins

Step 3 Wrap a cotton scarf around your hair line to absorb sweat

Awesome advice, right? Unless, of course, you have a weave or wear your natural hair. (locks or loose)  Ain't no brushing or pulling going on with my super tightly coiled hair without it being wet.  And a cotton scarf?  Really?  No thank you.  Cotton absorbs oil from the hair and that's the last thing my hair needs.  So who is this stylist they found?  And what an insult to throw this little 2 cents of beauty advice to Black women while touting the report that we exercise less due to our hair. That's just us crazy Black women . . . messing up our hair is more important than our health. ((((Huge eye roll))))  Why not take the time to explore this issue further?  Give it the time and attention it deserves?  I may actually write in on this one because they just can't be serious.

But this was MINOR compared to the blurb they did about Kara Goucher and Paula Radcliff, Olympic distance runners. Radcliffe says: "Labor's harder than a marathon.  When I run, my body works with me.  But when I had my first baby, my body worked against me--for 27 hours."  

Sounds cute right?  Except this is the nonsense that has women scared to death about giving birth.  Running a marathon is not something the body does naturally.  You have to train hard for weeks to do it.  Some would even argue that running in and of itself is not an activity the body is designed to do (walking long distances, yes, running, no).  When you are running, you are essentially working agains twhat your body would like to be doing.  Birth on the other hand?  Womens' bodies are designed to carry and bring forth life.  Nine times out of ten, if the birth process is left alone, it will proceed normally.  I'll agree:  labor is hard work.  Some women find it harder than others.  There are complications sometimes.  But if all women were to realize how to work with their bodies (and not feel that they are working against their body) and given the right tools and mindsets to handle labor, I think many would find that it would proceed as smoothly as the best of marathon runs.  Another point I could write about to this magazine. I just feel this was hugely irresponsible. 

So, I'm pretty sure I won't be subscribing to Fitness anytime soon.  I actually really just prefer fitness magazines geared towards men.  I can figure out how to modify most things.  Do you subscribe to any magazines about fitness that pertain to women?  Can you recommend one that won't drive me batty with hair care and beauty tips (for White women only) and useless advice? 

Quick Little Hat!

I had the wonderful opportunity to go and visit my good (newlywed) sistren in California.  I had a great time on my first visit to California!

This despite the fact that the trip got off to a rough start.  There was a little mix-up and I missed my flight on Friday.  Priceline had sent me repeated emails saying my itinerary had changed and somehow I never looked closely enough at my departure time.  I thought the flight left at 10.  Turns out it took off at 6.  We were in the car at 7:00 AM ready to go when I finally realized it.  We went to the airport and fortunately, I ended up flying standby to Houston where there was a 2 hour layover.  From Houston, I flew standby again to San Francisco.  It felt like it took all day to get to Cali!  And I knew it would be a long travel so I brought ample reading supplies, what I thought was a good knitting project, and some new music.

Well, I finished reading Dreaming Me (review soon to come) and by that time, my eyes were weary.  I started in on the knitting and I don't know why I thought it was a good idea to bring lace knitting on a flight.  Decidedly bad idea.  So then I decided to listen to some music only to realize that I didn't properly sync my IPod!  So there was plenty of The Wiggles on there.  Not exactly what I wanted to be listening too. 

Anyway, I decided to hit up Michael's while in Cali so I could get some yarn (Paton's Classic Merino Wool in this colorway) and a crochet hook for the trip back.  I bought a skein of wool yarn and a G crochet hook, found a great pattern and printed it out.  

Since my trip back was an overnight flight (which, I realize, is preferable to me), I alternated between sleeping and crocheting.  This project was perfect for traveling and now I know what makes a good choice for travel crochet/knitting!

I love the color and I think it will be perfect for brightening up those dreary winter days.  I have a bit of yarn left over and I might combine it with some brown wool to make a short scarf (maybe a bowtie scarf or Bainbridge scarf).  We'll see.  This is the first project I have completed in month and it felt nice to finally get something done.  As an extra treat, I discovered a great show called Lie to Me--perfect to watch while I knit or crochet. 

Wow . . that's a lot!

I had my yearly physical today.  At last year's physical, I weighed 167 pounds.  This year, I weighed 126 pounds.  I lost over 40 pounds in a year!  The first ten pounds came off with exercise.  The last thirty, with Weight Watchers.  Forty pounds!  Wow, that's a lot.  I'm proud of myself but also very relieved.  I feel better and I think I look better.  This is the slimmest I've been since high school.  Actually, I've never been a size 4 before.  Even as a teenager, weighing 120-125 lbs, I wore a bigger size.  I was actually more curvy in high school than now--post kids.  It's really . . . interesting.  

Anyway, I'm determined to keep the weight off.  Five weeks maintaining with success!

I picked up The New Rules of Lifting for Women (which I *really* like) and I think I may start it in the winter.  I'm trying to decide between restarting P90x or this program.  One thing I know:  I love lifting weight and it's something I will always do.

I found out something else at my physical:  I have what's called diastasis recti.  Mine is moderate but according to my doctor, only surgery can correct it.  I have to say it was kind of a relief to find this out.  I has taken the pressure off in that I am certain that it's not that I did or am doing anything wrong or that I'm not doing enough.  I discovered the Tupler Technique which supposedly helps to heal diastasis.  I'm going to look into it. 

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Book Review: The Joys of Motherhood by Buchi Emecheta

Years ago, a close friend of mine was cleaning out her books and let me have this one.  Up until that point, I had read very few books by Nigerian novelists and none by female Nigerian novelists.  I don't know why it had never occurred to me but I was happy to be introduced to that world by Buchi Emecheta through the novel The Joys of Motherhood.

Nnu Ego, the main character, goes from being in an ideal marriage (to an ideal man, in an ideal setting, surrounded by both material and "people" wealth) that unfortunately does not lead to any children to being in a situation she could never have imagined (to an overweight, domestic servant who she does not respect in an urban setting totally different than any thing has ever known and abject poverty) that does lead to many children.  Too many children.  Children that Nnu Ego regards as blessings though we as the reader cannot agree.  The more children she has, the more difficult her life becomes.  However, she is locked into a very traditional view that she can't shake: that motherhood is what makes a woman and is therefore main goal in life.  Once one has children, everything becomes more bearable; you can put up with any kind of nonsense.  Even when in reality, children often times complicate things and make it more difficult to bear things.  Here's a more detailed synopsis of the plot.  I am always haunted by how the book ends.  It is, to me, quite profound. 

I have read The Joys of Motherhood a few times now and each time I grow to appreciate this book more deeply.  Emecheta is a talented and brilliant writer and it is a joy to read any of her work but this particular book stands out to me.  It is such a great story.  And though at times Emecheta can become a bit heavy handed with the lesson she is trying to convey, the greatness of her storytelling never gets lost.  For me, that means that through the vehicle of a wonderful story, I am encouraged to sort out all kinds of issues surrounding my ideas of motherhood and how they have been influenced by the society I've grown up in and also (surprisingly and to a great extent) the society my mother grew up in.  After all, many of us take our first lessons on motherhood (and on wife-dom) from our mothers.  But there are so many other issues Emecheta tackles in this novel: ideas of manhood, criticisms of colonialism, analysis of what happens when colonialism and traditionalism collide, what children owe parents, the place of education and so much more.

Anyway, it's wonderful to read stories from folks who have the same kind of cultural references.  It's fun to read in print sayings that you've heard over and over or interesting to have ways of thinking/traditions questioned and explored.  I also find it so ironic that Ms. Emecheta has five children of her own!  It just elevates the irony of the title to a whole new level.   Hilarious! 

One thought at a time. Step by Step.

It's funny how sometimes one life experience correlates to another in a really profound way.  My weight loss has amazing correlations to my struggle with self-esteem.  

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I've struggled since the fifth grade with intense self-esteem issues regarding how I look.  I remember that during middle school, I would literally cringe if I caught my reflection in the mirror.  That is how badly I felt about myself.  That's how ugly I thought I was.  

I went through a whole lot of mental anguish and torment for years and years.  I dealt with a great deal of foolishness from men because of how badly I felt I looked.  I spent lots of time thinking I had to settle because most likely, that was the best I could do.  I really believed that the world valued beauty much more than intelligence and so I was out of luck, despite how bright I might have been.  I classified myself as an ugly person and going through life, I also categorized other people.  I empathized with other "ugly" people and felt really low around "beautiful" people.  Being dark-skinned didn't help my cause at all.  Growing up, pretty usually meant being "fair" skinned with cooperative hair.  I didn't fit the bill.

Anyway, long story short, I'm in a place now where I can look in the mirror with ease and I like what I see.  Sure, there are times when parts of my body irritate me (like my post-pregnancy belly) but overall, I'm happy and satisfied with who I am and what I look like.  I wouldn't change anything.  Ten years ago, I had a whole list of things that I would love to be different.  

I think to myself that getting to this place where I'm reasonably comfortable with myself was a real process, a journey.  Sometimes I think folks who haven't struggled with these intense mental issues surrounding their look have a hard time understanding how paralyzing and difficult it can be to deal with those issues and also how daunting it can be to recover.  They often offer up simplistic explanations that boil down to "Think positively."  

For me, it's been helpful to devise small techniques to train my mind to think differently and to encourage myself when I feel down about myself.  My Buddhist practice has been tremendous in helping me to get here because finally, I realize down to the bottom of my soul that my worth doesn't have much to do with how I look.  To the contrary, I am inherently valuable.  I don't know what it is about the way Buddhism teaches this that resonated with me but it did and I got it.  This doesn't mean that I don't have to meditate on this truth consistently.  I really do.  Accepting my inherent value has also helped me do something that I had heard forever: stop comparing myself to others.  Instead, when I feel like I'm about to get super critical of myself in light of how someone else looks, I just observe the person's style and think about ways that I could maybe do something like that.  Negative thoughts are never far but doing this helps redirect my attention and I'm able to stifle those thoughts that would tear me down.  I also started to avoid certain publications, websites and books and surrounded myself with books like Meditations to Heal Your Life.  I read these kinds of books so much that they played like tapes in my head.  I got to the very root of my self-esteem issues and in so doing, was better able to heal myself. 

There are many other little things, baby steps, I've taken to move myself along on this journey to total self-acceptance.  I'm still on the road and I love it when I'm able to add other tools to my toolbox.

It's kind of like weight loss in that way.  It's difficult to fathom dropping 30 or 40 pounds.  But if you take it one pound at a time, one meal at a time, one bite at a time, the daunting becomes so possible.  

When I first decided I didn't want to feel so badly about myself any more, I was totally overwhelmed.  "Just love yourself!" "Just know that you are beautiful!" "How!?!" I would ask desperately.  But it's the same as weight loss. One thought at a time.  Step by step.  

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Which should come first?

If you have been reading this blog for any length of time, you know that last year I got serious about fitness.  I started exercising regularly and began my yoga practice.  At the time, I was not working and our budget was seriously tight.  There was no way I could afford to take a weekly yoga class and even the specials that many yoga studios offered were out of my league.  But I knew I wanted to incorporate yoga into my fitness routine as a way to become more flexible and strong.  

Yoga has become much more to me over these past few months and I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to be introduced to it by . . . a DVD.  I can acknowledge that it would probably have been more ideal to have worked with a certified yoga instructor but I can also be honest and say that if I had waited to start practicing until I could afford it, I would probably still be waiting.  Doing yoga DVDs at home was not only cheap but convenient since I didn't have to travel anywhere to do them.  I'd simply wake up in the morning, toss on some comfortable clothes and get to it!

I know many recommend that you start practicing yoga under the guidance of a real instructor to avoid injury.  A yoga teacher would know about alignment and help his/her student get his/her body into the proper form.  That one-on-one is missing with yoga DVDs.  But happily, many yoga DVDs today are actually very detailed and precise.  One such DVD is Living Room Yoga Strengthen and Lengthen.  Other DVDs while not as precise, are slow enough and simple enough as to be easily accessible to even the most rank beginner.  One such routine is the Fat Burning Yoga program on Crunch: Perfect Yoga Workout.  

I've read a number of times that sometimes yoga practicitioners struggle to develop a home practice. since they practice primarily under the guidance of teacher in a class setting.  I think since I started at home, I really developed a love for my practice at home in solitude.  Oh, I enjoy the energy of a class but I find home practice invigorating too.  Another wonderful thing about practicing and studying on my own first is that when I first arrived at class,  I had a pretty good idea of terminology and of what was going on in general. 

I'm not advocating that people begin their yoga practice the way I did.  But I will say that it worked for me.  These DVDs gave me a way to start practicing.  They made it accessible to me.  I won't lament how expensive yoga classes can be now that yoga is a trend.  I won't point out that only folks who are doing pretty well financially could swing unlimited yoga classes.  I will point out that I can practice yoga as often as I want at home with my DVDs and not worry about breaking the bank.  I will also say that there is a book out there that really helped me maximize my yoga DVDs and it's called 30 Essential Yoga Poses.  The book offers detailed explanations as to what the body should be doing in each pose and why each pose is beneficial as well as warnings and contraindications.  So I don't have to worry about breaking something.  

I do want to deepen and extend my yoga practice (physical and spiritual) so I hope to one day soon be able to find an instructor who can help me.  I actually want to find a guru.  I'm not in the position now, but I want to take classes on a regular basis at some point. Certain poses I refuse to try at home on my own such as plow pose or headstand.  But I want to get there with the help of a teacher.  So please don't take this post as minimizing the importance of yoga instructors and yoga teachers.   

So if asked which should come first, classes or at home, I'd say that's a very individual decision that is largely based on one's own personality (will you try to force your body into doing things it's not ready for or are you able to listen to your body), likes and dislikes (some folks don't like any form of solitary exercise), and last but not least, intuition (see the post below). 

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That little voice: intuition or unconscious reasoning?

I read an article in the July 2010 issue of Oprah Magazine called The Power of Eureka.  

I honestly believe that we know the answers to every complex question we are faced with and that deep down, we always know what to do next.  At times, we may be confused about the answers or the next step, but if we give ourselves a chance to be still, the answer will bubble to the surface in the form of a little voice.  After years of trying to hear the voice of God, I realize that for me, it's that little voice that I was searching for.  And that little voice it is nothing more than our own intuition.  Now some may say that when you get to that place where you can hear that little voice, you know that you and God are connected.  I tend to think that it is a certain intelligence that the Creator/Creative Force hard-wired into us when creating us.  

So this article intrigued me because it posits that:

While intuition may seem to arise from some mysterious inner source, it's actually a form of unconscious reasoning--one that's rooted in the way our brains collect and store information. 

It amazing to me that sometimes folks won't acknowledge "the mysterious" when "the mysterious" happens every day.  We don't know how the Earth stays on it's axis and night becomes day.  There's so many examples of "the mysterious" happening all around, things that we don't really have an explanation for that we accept and even embrace.  Who sits around agonizing about whether the sun will rise tomorrow?

In a similar vein, I think sometimes we know certain things without ever having experienced them and without being able to explain how we know it.  So it's not quite so accurate to reduce all our intuitive power to simple unconscious reasoning.  Sometimes, you just know.  And the more you pay attention to your intuition, I think, the more effectively your brain (the thinking part of you) is able to size up situations and make instant decisions that are right in line with your intuition.  In other words, your thinking self and your spiritual become more and more unified.  

The article says that "your intuition may not always steer you right" but I disagree.  I believe that you can't go wrong listening to your gut but here's my disclaimer: your heart and mind must be in the right place.  And I think that happens by cultivating a consistent time to go into yourself, be still, and figure out how to hear that little voice even when there's whole bunch of noise and nonsense going.  Some call it meditation but if you don't want to give it a haughty name, call it quiet time. 

In giving advice, the article says, "your intuition may be based on something superficial".  To me, that's so untrue.  Intuition, I think, is what grounds and connects us.  Something that powerful could never be superficial.  

And from my own personal experience, my head has lead me wrong a number of times.  My gut?  If I can hear it and if I choose to listen, had never done such a thing.  I'll trust my gut, thank you very much!

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New Month for Chalean Extreme!

This week I started The Lean Phase of the Chalean Extreme program.  I'm loving it despite the fact that each workout is about 15 minutes longer than the workouts in The Push Phase.  I'm sore in some very good ways.  The only issue with lifting heavy weights is that I get a whole lot of painful tension jammed in my shoulders.  Going to the chiropractor helps but I haven't really had the time to get there.  I should though.  In addition to working on The Lean Phase, I'm also sticking with Ab Ripper X.  I tried Chalean Extreme's "Extreme Abs" workout but it creates a lot of uncomfortable neck tension.  I hate sit-ups and sit-up like exercises so Extreme Abs is not a good fit.  I'm not thrilled about continuing with Ab Ripper X but I'm starting to see some real improvements.  The Fifer scissors are my biggest struggle but I'm able to do 10 in a row, take a break for 5, and complete the last 10 with my legs completely straight.  This is good progress for me.  I can do in-and-outs with my arms up which I discovered last week!  I mean, there's so much that I can do now with this workout that I couldn't do before--and I love it!  So I'm going to work on mastering Ab Ripper X.  I'm very pleased with the results doing it are yielding. 

Oh, and I've also been making more of an effort to eat more lean protein. I think that's making a bit of a difference too. 

I also realized just a few days ago that a 5K race is just a little over 3 miles.  I'm looking forward to finding a race and training for it just to see how I will do.  I ran 2.5 miles this morning . . . it was kind of rough because I was trying to do it within a certain amount of time (30 minutes).  I just  really want to see how much I can do if I focus and train. 

Respect Each Others Paths

You know, against my better judgment, I post my two cents to certain threads on message boards from time to time.  Even though I do it much much less than I used to, I still can find myself emotionally entangled by these "discussions".  Luckily, I'm wise enough now to know that I should quit early and I do.  Luckily, I have this blog to lay out my thoughts and get it all out.  Hopefully, I will learn that I shouldn't get involved in the first place because I really don't have the extra energy to spare.

Anyway, one such thread I posted to was about the fact that in regards to finances, it's more difficult to be single.  My comment was that while I'm happily married, I can't help but feel a little anxiety at the thought of being completely on my own financially.  I've never had the experience of living completely on my own having left from my parents house right to my husbands house.  It would be a real learning curve but I know within myself that I am resourceful and smart and that I could get on my own two feet.  Some folks responded to my comments as if I would stay in a horrible relationship because of what would, in my opinion, be normal anxiety at a complete change of lifestyle.  Others simply stated that they would advise all women to live completely on their own before marriage.  This was the comment that got under my skin.  There's nothing quite like someone implying that the decision you made for you life was wrong, or worse, stupid.  What happened to respecting other folk's paths and decisions?  Of course, I've wondered at times what life would have been like had I rejected the hubby's proposal and remained single . . . would I be amongst the statistics of women who are simply not getting married these days?  Maybe.  But that's really not the main point:  there is not one path for everyone and not more than one generation ago, it was the norm for people to move out of their parents home into their marital home.  Furthermore, as I have discovered, having married at a young age directly from my parents home, I have learned quite a lot--things that I see my unmarried or newly married peers are yet to grasp and may not ever grasp such as learning how to keep your mouth shut sometimes or letting your husband take the helm (not relinquishing your own power but acknowledging that things work better if one person is steering the ship and knowing the differences) or realizing that certain things you may think your husband can give you, he cannot and you're wasting your time looking to him for those things.  How was that for a run-on sentence? It's been interesting growing up within a marriage and I'm blessed to be with a man who really gives me the space to change, grow and be me.  At this point, I am firm in saying that if I had to do it all over again, I would do it the exact same way.  As it stands now, I'm done having children and by the time my children are fully grown, I will still be relatively young, which is awesome.  But even though it has been a positive experience for me, I wouldn't advise all women to get married at a young age out of their parents house.  I would say to listen to your gut (intuition) and make a decision that's best for you. 

Another thread about finances discussed the fact that some women feel the need to have a secret stash of money just in case.  My opinion is that unless there is some kind of abuse or gross mismanagement of funds, this is not necessary.  But I can respect that a woman may have that need inside her to keep something for herself, completely away from her husband especially if she has seen things go horribly wrong in her mother's relationship to her father.  I don't have that need.  I kept my own personal (pre-marriage) account until I couldn't anymore because I didn't have consistent income coming in and they were charging me to keep the account open.  I closed it and for a number of years, we just had one joint account.  During that time, I was able to develop a deep and abiding trust and confidence in my husband, which is priceless.  However, when I started my job, I got my own account in my name alone.  It certainly feels nice and is a huge boost to my self-esteem to have my own money yet I wouldn't say this is something every women must go out and do.   I (foolishly) shared my experience on this thread and the response was (and I'm paraphrasing), "You idiot! Don't you know that anything you open after marriage, your husband has access too?" Well, obviously!  Anything you do while married is potentially something your spouse could lay claim to.  That goes both ways.  So because you're married, now what? Don't invest? Don't open any accounts? Don't do anything for fear that your husband may one day go insane and try to take all your stuff?  I totally don't get it!  It kind of flowed along the same lines as the other discussion, i.e. it's best to be on your own completely before marriage and then to keep all your own stuff after.  Now, don't get me wrong:  I see nothing wrong with that approach but I also can acknowledge that other ways of going about things could work well too. 

Anyway, this post is more of a venting post that anything else.   I'm fascinated (and sometimes saddened) by all the different ways people approach this often challenging thing called marriage.  To each his or her own, I say.  It's a reminder to me that it doesn't feel good when someone decides how they did it was the best way to do it and is how everyone should do it and those who don't do it that way are  misguided, living in a dream world, stupid or just plain wrong.  It reminds me to respect the path and decisions of others--even if I don't necessarily agree.  And to stay the hell away from these threads.  LoL!

What next?

For the past two nights, Z2 has fallen asleep at night without nursing.  The first time, I thought it was because he was really tired since he hadn't taken a nap that day.  He just sort of passed out.  Last night, all I did was sing 2 or 3 rounds of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, and he was out like a light.  So, I think our nursing days are really winding down.  I'm ambivalent about it though.  On the one hand, I'm happy that I don't have to nurse him to sleep anymore.  I can't imagine there is any milk left but he still needed the comfort and, I don't know, it was cozy and sweet to nurse him to sleep most of the time.  Other times, I just wanted him to go to sleep already.  The other part of me knows that this means that the baby days are drawing to a close and I'm not quite ready for that to happen yet.  Especially since Z2 will most likely be my last baby, a fact that I have grudgingly accepted.  I know there's still a chance that we might have another one since no permanent steps have been taken, but the hubby is really adamant about it with no budging in sight.  And looking forward to taking those permanent steps.

So Z2's weaning, in conjunction with getting an extension to my teaching certificate for two years (I can't extend it again after this) also forces me to think about what I'm going to do next.  I believe Z1 and Z2 still need me around most of the time so I'm trying to think of what I could do that would allow me that flexibility:

• Go back to school for my Ph.D.?  Can I find a fellowship/scholarship?  I refuse to take out any more loans for education and really, a fellowship or scholarship is the only acceptable way for me to go this route.  I love teaching and just from teaching my crochet class in June, I know that I would really enjoy teaching adults.  Plus I could write academically.  I know being a professor would be a fulfilling experience and realized a few weeks ago that even when I wanted to be a doctor, I knew I didn't want to practice medicine forever: eventually, I wanted to teach doctors.  I wanted a Ph.D. after my M.D.  Interesting.   
• Sell my Subaru Outback wagon and get a bigger car (like a Toyota Sienna AWD) so I could babysit two or three children?  This would do two things: scratch my itch for more children and bring in some income.  I could definitely homeschool with this arrangement.  But just like I don't want an education debt, I don't want any debt from a car.  The Subaru is paid off and has lots of life yet.  How and where could I get a (relatively) new car without getting into debt?
• Focus on my writing and really push to get published.  This is an ultimate goal in my life.  Should I really just concentrate now?  Can I concentrate now with the kids so young?
• Go back to teaching children?  Now that I know so much more about how I would approach it, I am sure I would do better.  But teaching in a traditional school setting just doesn't afford me the flexibility I need.  But it's a wonderful career that I know could (potentially) be fulfilling. 

So it really feels like I'm at a crossroad (though I think I have about two more years or so before I can jump into any option--I need Z2 to be at least 4) . . . just because my breastfeeding relationship with Z2 is coming to a close.  I always tell people that breastfeeding is much more than providing nourishment for a baby.  There is nothing quite like looking down at the angelic face of your baby and knowing that you are the one providing sustenance.  Amazing.  But for me, there has been much more to it.  It's been a real test of character and perseverance.  I wouldn't be facetious if I ascribed some spiritual attributes to it as well.   The connection to Z1 and Z2 that I formed because of it . . . I can hardly describe.   The connection to other breastfeeding mothers . . . beautiful.  And now as my journey is ending, breastfeeding is what I will use to mark the beginning of a new chapter in my life . . . powerful