One thing I absolutely love about my pregnancies is how industrious I become.  I have some project going all the time.  I love the productivity!

Exercise and Allergy Relief

I am so grateful that I can be active during this pregnancy.  Though my intensity is nowhere near pre-pregnancy intensity (and I sometimes find that annoying), the movement helps me tremendously.  Allergy season is upon us and I cannot take my regular medicine since it's not recommended in pregnancy.  I've been drinking nettle tea, lemon water with local honey, and just whatever I can to minimize the severity of the allergies.  But nothing takes care of the allergy symptoms better than exercise.  And in this case, a little goes a long way.  So I huff and puff at the gym.  Build up  a bit of sweat.  And my nasal passages clear.  My lungs get clear.  My eyes stop watering. The sinus swelling goes down.  And I get to enjoy the feeling for hours and hours.  Doesn't matter if I'm moving maximum weight or less than a 1/4 of that . . . I still get the same benefit.  

My attitude towards exercise has changed so much from when I first started.  The aesthetic has become such a small part of why I do what I do.  It's surprising actually because that was the whole reason I started!  I exercise because it makes me feel good physically and mentally--and that gives me enough motivation to keep going when it gets challenging.  And getting through the challenging parts provides motivation in so many other aspects of my life.  Kind of amazing.  

Learning to trust the Process

Not necessarily because I want to, but because I have to!

The moment I found out that I was expecting our third was an interesting moment in my life. I had a lot of conflicting thoughts and many worries. To a certain extent, I still do but I am so very happy about this baby on his/her way.

One of the issues I thought about was my fitness, training, and admittedly, my weight.

Without a doubt, a healthy pregnancy involves weight gain and even though I understand that from an intellectual point of view, it is very difficult to let go of the emotional angst that comes with the weight gain. I can see that I am putting on weight in a healthy way but I'm still nervous about putting it on. How difficult will it be to lose the weight? How long will it take? I know that if worse comes to worst, I can always go back to Weight Watchers, which is how I successfully lost weight last time. But I eat a paleo diet now and it was difficult for me to reconcile paleo (high fat) to Weight Watchers. I mean, how can I really trust that my paleo diet will ensure that I lose the weight? I always hear that it's difficult to overeat fat and protein but let me tell you, it just is not the truth for me. I love to eat. A lot. I will continue to eat after I am full just because the food tastes good. I have not yet gotten to a point where I can trust myself to eat and then stop when I am full. There is a whole list of foods that I totally avoid because I know once I start, I won't or can't stop until the entire bag is gone. I have absolutely no self-control around those foods. So yeah, I'm nervous. Weight Watchers worked so well for me because it imposed limits on how much I could eat. I wouldn't eat the whole bag because that would be well over 3/4ths of my daily allowance. I am a stickler for the rules and guidelines and if they are in place, I seem to function better. Eating paleo and trying to lose weight is like jumping out of a plane but this time without a parachute. Just hoping I eventually land. I'm just not sure about it. I do know that this pregnancy has involved me eating a lot more sweets (in the form of fruit) than I usually do. I've also been eating honey pretty liberally (one of the few sweeteners allowed on the Specific Carbohydrate Diet). It's obvious to me that to lose weight, I will need to cut those out or at least significantly reduce how much of it I have. But how soon can I do that while nursing? The bottom line is that I do not trust myself. I do not know exactly what my body needs to be healthy. I am learning what my body doesn't need but I honestly do not know what it does need. Also, I think sugar is addictive so can a craving for something sweet really be trusted? But there is nothing left to do but to trust the process. Continue to eat nourishing foods. Get good sleep. Relax. Move. And I hope that will do the trick.

And then there's my weight training and fitness. I had planned to stay active throughout my pregnancy and, for the most part, I am. However, I have had to slow down significantly and although I know I should be relaxing and enjoying not pushing as much, the truth is I love to push. I love to set personal records. I do not like taking it easy. But I really have no choice in the matter. Running is really uncomfortable. Most of the movements I used to do for my high intensity interval training are a no-go too. I run out of breath easily. Heck, even walking 15 minutes to the gym feels like I have *worked*. I definitely have had to drop the weights that I use and on certain lifts (most recently vertical push and pull exercises) I feel too much strain so I refuse to do them. I'm worried about losing some of the gains I've made. When I finished Power Training for Strength, I was deadifting at a maximum 170 pounds. When I started lifting weight, I could only deadlift about 80 pounds. I mean, I have been seeing some really great gains with consistency and discipline and I worry about how much of those gains I will lose. When will I actually get my life back together after the baby is born to start seriously lifting again? I just have to accept that my body is already doing a great deal of work by growing a baby and realize that backing off is not defeat or a sign of weakness. And I also have to be grateful that I am having a low-risk pregnancy which means that even though I'm not as active as I'd want to be, I can be active.

There are many questions in my mind but I am trying to relax despite my concerns. I am regularly practicing yoga (accepting that most of my yoga DVDs are no longer suitable and I need to stick to prenatal ones). And I've finally incorporated a meditation practice into my life that relaxes me and helps me be more patient and understanding. I have been working with Shimoff's book Happy for No Reason. I've been keeping a gratitude journal every day, no exception. I write down three or more things for which I am grateful. And surprisingly, even on days that I don't think I have much to be grateful for, I come up with things. Usually far more than 3 things. So if nothing else, not being able to do fitness related things has given me time to do more meditative, healing things. Spiritual fitness, I suppose one could say. And that is a wonderful gift that this baby is giving me. Another thing for which to be grateful.  

Latest Projects

The brown hat is the Brattleboro Hat.  I found the buttons at a local fabric store. They were only 50 cents a piece!  The red hat is the Urban Shells Beanie and it is tiny!  I really liked the pattern though.  Both hats were projects to use up scrap yarn.  

The shawl is Carol's Clever Little Shawl.  It was a very pleasant knit although I don't think it's my style anymore.  It's very warm and cozy though.  

The scarf is the 5th Avenue Infinity Scarf.  That was a very pleasant knit as well.  I enjoyed knitting it very much.  Although by the time I finished it, it was no longer winter since spring decided to come early.  I look forward to using it next winter though.

The shawl and the scarf were knit using Paton's Classic Wool yarn that I got at Michael's. It seems like Michael's is no longer carrying it though which is a bummer.  It was a really nice convenience to just go down the road and get a good quality, natural fiber yarn.  

There's one more hat that I just finished but I haven't photographed yet.  It was another stash-busting project and I should have a picture soon.  I've got my next two projects lined up already.  I ordered yarn from KnitPicks for those.  Meanwhile, I'm trying to use a couple of ounces of wool/acrylic blend yarn I have to make some kind of newborn size sweater.  It won't be for my baby since he/she will be a summer baby but it'll be a nice thing to have on hand for any winter babies that will be born.  

Keeping my fingers busy has been good for me lately.  I like the feeling of productivity so I'm keeping the projects small-ish.  

So thankful for homemade yogurt!

I'm  so thankful that I had some homemade yogurt tonight.  I made a smoothie with it a couple of minutes ago and I think my stomach is settling down enough for me to get some sleep soon.  My GIT was doing really well all day until I had dinner: beef stew with kale in it and also mashed cauliflower.  Kale and cauliflower are cruciferous vegetables which give many people GIT distress.  And I ate both of those in one sitting and boy, am I in distress.  I'm not thrilled at the prospect of eliminating all those vegetables from my diet.  In fact, I'm pretty sure that it is not really an option.  I need the vitamins and minerals I get from them but I don't need the digestive problems (because I also need to sleep and I need to not feel like shit).  I know very well that there's a serious imbalance in my GIT tract and that's why I can't handle so many foods.  That is why homemade yogurt is so helpful to me.  More helpful than any other probiotic pill or powder that I have ever taken.  I need to be more diligent about making and drinking my bone broth and the yogurt.  I don't really have a choice in the matter.  I tend to not order the bones and the raw milk to make this stuff because it's pretty expensive and it's pretty inconvenient to go and pick it up but I have to approach it as medicine.  I think it would be more worth my while to put the money into whole food supplements than into pill supplements.  So that's what I'm going to focus on.  

Photo Credit

Revenge of the Bridesmaids

I am having one of my insomnia bouts due to my digestive health.  Always fun.  

I ended up watching a move that's streaming on Netflix called Revenge of the Bridesmaids starring Raven SymonÉ.  It got pretty good ratings and I figured it would be something light and funny to take my mind off how I'm feeling.  

It was . . . not funny.  I guess I'm older now and it takes a lot to make me laugh.  The humor has got to be intelligent.  It can't take the easy route and go for the cheap laugh.  Especially when the cheap laugh is at the expense of Black women.

Ms. Symone is a beautiful woman--just lovely.  I respect how long she's been able to stay relevant in the entertainment game.  And I know that she is the one who makes decisions about the roles she takes.  I hate that she decided to take this role in Revenge of the Bridesmaids.  The role is, basically, sarcastic, sassy, trouble-making Black woman.  Manless to boot because she is all those things and **gasp** is not rail thin.  She is the butt of insults throughout the movie.  While the other characters have and are deserving of love interests, she is not.  All she is good for is supporting others in their love interests by making a fool of herself.  

I guess this is a role Ms. Symone always plays, i.e. the sassy, bumbling clown and I shouldn't be offended.  Well, I'm not really offended.  Just kind of disappointed because I believe she could do and be better if she wanted to. 

But after all, it was an ABC Family movie.  Not that deep.  But, you know, as a Black woman you just get tired of the same old tropes being trotted out over and over and over again.  Whatever.  

A documentary about Barbara Jordan is soon to be released.  I'm excited about it. We desperately need alternative, positive images of Black women.   

No Homebirth this Time Around

Giving birth to Z2 at home was an amazing experience.  Homebirth is and always will be my ideal.  But after weeks of fighting with my insurance company, I finally got them to tell me how much they would pay and it is less than half of the midwife's fee.  I thought about how I could work out a payment plan or something to come up with the balance before I hit 36 weeks. I thought about maybe purchasing additional insurance (which is quite difficult and could get just as pricey as the midwife's fee).  But I have finally accepted that I am not in a financial position to swing this homebirth.  I thought about going unassisted but I am not totally comfortable with that especially since the hubby is really only marginally cool with even midwife-assisted homebirth.  

My other options are to go with the certified nurse midwife practice with which I had Z1. They deliver in a hospital and the idea is just repugnant to me.  As luck would have it, one of the last two freestanding birth centers is only about 20 minutes from me.  I called today to set up an appointment and good thing I did.  I found out that you can't birth in the birthing center if you don't have your first appointment within the first 24 weeks of pregnancy.  They had *one* appointment left within that timeframe (I have until May 1st) and that is next Friday, March 30, 2012 at 4:30.  Not the most convenient time for me but I'm feeling lucky that I actually got an appointment.

So I e-mailed my midwife and on Wednesday, she will fax me all my documents (positive pregnancy test and lab results) which I must take with me on Friday. 

The birth center is not currently giving tours but the two pictures I saw look good.  My intention is to labor at home as long as possible before I go there.  And I'm hoping to leave as soon as I give birth.  I have some more questions that I will ask on Friday but I'm pretty sure this is it.  

I have to be honest when I say that I am relieved because the stress of trying to figure  out how I could afford the midwife was getting to me.  And the last thing I need is stress.

But I won't lie and say that I'm not supremely disappointed that my homebirth won't happen.  Nothing was more magical than lying in my own bed with my two boys after giving birth to Z2.  Amazing.  And there's that feeling of giving up on something you really want.  One more thing it feels like I am giving up on.  And wondering what next?  I feel powerless to make my desires come true and that is not a very good feeling at all.  And there's also that feeling of having my "crunchy mama" card revoked, silly as that may sound.  Having homebirths, in a real or perceived way, is a hallmark of being a natural, in-tune, alternative earth mama.  I'm finding myself kind of hesitant to share my decision too widely with folks.

But, there is just so much we could do for this baby with the $5,000 we would be paying for his/her birth. I guess this is what being a grown up is about--making hard decisions and sometimes putting aside what's most ideal for what is most practical.  Having and raising another child is a pretty big expense in and of itself.  The best situation is to bring him/her into the world with the least amount of stress (and the most resources) possible.  

Simple Pyramid Project

We have been studying ancient Egypt.  To end our study, we made a pyramid from sugar cubes.  

The project comes from the book Ancient Egyptians and the Neighbors: an Activity Guide by Marian Broida.  It was a very enjoyable project.  We imagined what it would be like to build such a structure if we were building with heavy bricks instead of sugar cubes.  What a a lot of work!

The only modification we made with the instructions was that instead of brushing the paint on, we actually dipped the sugar cubes in the glue (we used regular white school glue).  It took quite a bit of glue to get the sugar cubes to stick because the sugar tended to absorb the glue.  This might have been different if we had used a glue that was not water based but Elmer's glue is.  

The hubby and the kids may take the project further over the weekend, painting it and decorating it to look more authentic.  I'm just happy that I got the project done because I am not a project person!  

Sometimes . . .

I catch myself saying please, please, please despite not being sure that anyone "up there" is listening or cares.

Like, someone's offering a brand new Ameda Purely Yours breast pump on Freecycle.  I will definitely need this when I go back to work and because I want a bit more freedom than I had with my two boys when they were nurslings.  It's not an inexpensive item.

I know the chances of me getting it are pretty slim.  I probably am not the first to ask for it. But I still crossed my fingers and said "please, please, please."

Then I thought to myself, "Who are you asking?  Who do you think is listening?"

I don't really have an answer for that but I'm hoping.  I kind of need something fortuitous to happen.  Now.

Making Math more Fun

Math is one of the subjects in which I feel a child should have a very solid foundation.  While I was willing to freestyle other subjects like history/social studies and science, I really wanted a methodical, systematic and clear approach to math and I felt the best way to do this was to use a curriculum.  So far, I've tried three different ones: Right Start Math, Singapore Math and Math-U-See.  Math-U-See is the one we are currently using and I'm very pleased with it.  It's not a lot of fun, though.  It really digs in to lay the foundation with lots of practice and review and so for Z1, it can get kind of tedious.  I have a couple of ways that break up the tedium while still providing good math instruction.

1. Daily Word Problems Math by Evan Moor.  Z1 uses the Grade 2 book.  The book is basically a word problem for every day of the school week.  The questions are not too challenging as to frustrate him but they do make him think and he is enthusiastic about doing them and gets super hyped when he avoids being "tricked" by miscellaneous information.  
2. Logic Countdown by Bonnie Risby.  This is a great way to introduce logic and Z1 approaches it like a game of sorts.  It covers analogies, sequencing, relationships, syllogisms and more.  
3. Picture books about math--these types of books serve as a great way to break up what could be a really monotonous math session.  Luckily, our library has many of these type of books available and if we go to one library in particular, they are all handily grouped together. These are the ones we currently have out.  

•  Pattern Fish by Trudy Harris--both Z1 and Z2 enjoyed this book.  It introduces various types of patterns (AAB, ABB, ABBA, etc)
• Math Fables and Math for All Seasons by Greg Tang--these books are great because they encourage children to think about numbers in different ways.  I especially like Math for All Seasons for Z1 because it encourages him to group numbers in creative ways to make for easier calculation.  
• The Case of the Missing Zebra Stripes-- a collection of games, puzzle and riddles all related to the zoo.  This book induces lots of thinking!

Another resource we use is IXL but Z1 tends to find it rather tedious too because his math work is more involved.  Z2 really likes it though because it doesn't take long for him to progress and get prizes.  I've found some other math games here and there but nothing really stellar.  If Z1 is getting really frustrated, I'll let him play those math games and it helps him to reset.   

So these are some ways that I break up math instruction to cut down on frustration and boredom.  I am thinking that since Z1 is learning multiplication, I may start doing a 90 second timed quiz and maybe having some kind of prize for a certain number of tables he gets correct.  I've never done anything like that before so we'll see how it goes.  

Image Credit

Oh, no! Not Whitney. :(

I'm still hoping that someone says it's not true but sadly, after reading several reports, I'm starting to believe it.  I am taking the death of Whitney Houston really hard.  I had such hope that she could pull it together and do something magical again.  I feel so sad for her daughter and her mother especially.  I can only imagine the pain they are going through.

May she rest in peace.

Interacting

One of the biggest challenges in my decision to educate my children at home has been a lack of consistent community.  Every so often, I get pretty obsessed with finding some kind of group for us to be a part of, some kind of regular social event to go to.  Lately, this has been blowing up in my face.  Either the kids we are hanging out with are too young or the kids' personalities don't mesh.  I end up feeling disappointed and drained.

I decided to think about it again after one such not-so-great social interaction this past week with another homeschooling family.  I talked to Z1 about it and found out that 1) he doesn't feel lonely at all and 2) he feels like he has enough friends.  I wanted to ask him "What friends?" but from his perspective, he's good.  So I can stop stressing about that.  I can relax.    But then I realized all this fanatical searching for community is not for my kids necessarily but for me.  And it's something that has been lacking for me since before they even arrived on the scene.  Same isht.  Different Day.  But more complex because I am educating my children at home which means I have precious little time for myself.  I could join a knitting/crochet group, find a gym buddy, join a book club.  But these things would have to occur at 5:00 AM and last until 7:00 AM so that I could get back to my children.  Yeah, not happening.  And trying to do these things with kids in tow is pretty impossible so I have to just accept that this is not the time.  

So I keep dragging them to things they don't really care to go to and wanting them to interact with the kids so the other moms feel it's worth it to keep coming out and hang with us.  But I'm changing my attitude about the whole thing and letting my children free up and do what they want to do at these get-togethers because I need the interaction.  I'm still going to go but I don't really care if they hang out with the other kids or if they just decide to hole up in a corner and read.  

A Knit Hat for the Hubby

One of my friends gave me a skein of Patons Tweed (Aran) yarn over the holidays which the hubby really liked.  I have some dark blue 100% wool yarn I got at the thrift store for ridiculously cheap (like 5 skeins for $1 or something insane like that).  The two yarns paired together really well.  I started the project using Size 8 16" circular needles and the Karlchen pattern for top-down hats for the crown.  I then went into a 3x3 ribbing for the body of the hat.  For the brim, I dropped needle size to 5s, decreased one stitch in each rib, and did an inch or so in 2x2 ribbing.  The hubby really likes it!  I completed it last night and he wore it today.  

Ravelry Link

I'm currently working on a Ridged Lace Cowl which is a pattern that requires me to focus from time to time but is not overly demanding on my mental faculties which is a good thing.  I think once I finish this, I will start working on another scarf of some sort.  I'm thinking maybe something bulky for a change.  We'll see.

Handwriting

Z1 is learning how to write cursive.  He wanted to learn it so he could read the notes that Nate the Great's mother would leave for him.  (Nate the Great is the main character in the wonderful detective series written by Marjorie Weiman Sharmat.)  He also didn't like not being able to read the notes left for silly Amelia Bedelia (main character in the popular books by Peggy Parish).  I would have happily waited until second grade to start cursive instruction but since he was interested, I went along with it.  I know that it's not longer taught in many schools and there is debate about how useful it is but as far as I'm concerned, it's necessary.  In this technological age, the art of handwriting is being lost.  And if you know me, you know I don't believe that we will all have unlimited access to e-mail and texting and all that forever.    I definitely think thinner, simpler days are ahead so we only do ourselves a disservice by writing off basic skills like handwriting (pun intended).  We still need to know how to write different kinds of letters and how to send thank you notes.  We still need to know how to take written notes.   We need to to be able to communicate and preserve information on paper.  Anyway, not to go off on too much of a tangent.  

There are many styles of print and cursive handwriting.  Z1 has been learning handwriting using the Handwriting without Tears program.  I just love this program for learning to print because it's straightforward and fun--simple.  The HWT style of cursive is also very plain and straightforward and we went with HWT for cursive just because we were accustomed to  the materials.  

But it's not the style of cursive I learned or use.  The way I write cursive, a combination of the Palmer style and simple Zaner-Bloser, is decidedly more ornate:

So writing things for Z1's copywork takes a whole lot of looking at the HWT letter chart and extra thinking on my part.  I've asked Z1 if he'd like to try a different style but he likes the HWT style precisely because it's not so curvy. So we'll stick with it.  We practice handwriting every day for 10-15 minutes and over the course of a year, I am really blown away by how his handwriting has improved.  

Here's a New York Times article, The Case for Cursive, which I read some time back.  I agree with many of the points.

Graphic Credit 1
Graphic Credit  2

Very rarely am I a part of the morning rush hour but today was an exception.  I needed to run out and pick up some groceries and I wanted to do it while the hubby was still home.  That meant that I had to leave by 8:00AM and be back by 8:30 the latest.  So off I went into the frigid cold.  I picked up the groceries and on the way home, there was a bit of a traffic jam.  A traffic signal was broken and was staying red indefinitely.  As I sat there, I thought to myself that I kind of miss the morning hustle and bustle.  The morning energy.  Everyone experiencing the freshness and optimism of a new day. You know, the rhythm of it.  The purposefulness of getting up, getting dressed, heading out the house to go do a job that has a broader effect than on just one's family.  Having a job that pays; a job that has a title.  I kind of miss just being me for a portion of the day.  Not Z1 or Z2's mom.  

I don't miss the stress, though.  And it was a lot of stress.  But there's a lot of stress as a stay-at-home mom too.  Minus the social interaction.  Which sometimes makes it difficult for me to decide which stress is less intense.  I think, sometimes, that at least the stress of working yielded a pay check and some recognition from time to time.

I'm not planning to go back to work full-time anytime soon.  Being a stay-at-home/homeschooling mom is important to me and I think it's the best fit for my family.  And it won't last forever because kids do indeed grow up.  But I think how life would be different if I did make a switch.  I'm not always totally sure it wouldn't be good.  

Photo Credit