Count Your Blessings

From Distant Relatives by Nas and Damian Marley.  Awesome album, by the way.

Two Awesome Dishes brought to you by . . .

My Cuisinart 14-cup food processor!  

I've said before how much I love my food processor.  It makes short work of tons of tasks and next to a good knife, it is (for me) an essential kitchen tool.  Just today, thanks to this wonderful machine, I was able to crank out two wonderful dishes.  The first was 5-Minute Hummus which I found in the May 2010 issue of Real Simple magazine.  This hummus is similar in taste and texture to the hummus that we get at one of my favorite restaurants Ta'im.  Trader's Joe's organic hummus is good but this homemade hummus puts it to shame!  And with the food processor, it really does take only 5 minutes.

The second dish I made today is really a dessert:  Peanut Butter Cup Pie from Tofu 1-2-3 by Maribeth Abrams.  Another very simple recipe that with the food processor (and a store-bought graham cracker crust) literally took 10 minutes start to finish with decadent results. 

There's one more project I'd like to attempt with my food processor: sprouted wheat bread.  Since starting Weight Watchers, this is the bread I eat the majority of the time.  I'd love to be able to make it at home.

A complex, sad situation.

My cat Sophia is dying.  

She's been sick for months with what we thought was a terrible virus or allergies.  She had lots of mucus and was sneezing all the time.  We took her to the vet a number of times and after numerous go-rounds of antibiotics, she was still doing pretty badly.

We decided to take her to an animal hospital.  When they went in to do a biopsy of a lump she had, they discovered a much bigger lump.  In a day or two, we found out the lump was cancerous:  Sophia has lymphoma.  

The prognosis for cat lymphoma is not good.  We are going to give her steroids to make her time left easier.  Right now, she struggles to breathe and has absolutely no pep.  

It makes me so sad and I'm writing this with tears stinging my eyes.  I got her just two weeks before I found out I was pregnant with Zion.  She was a tiny kitten.  She's grown to be a part of this family and she will leave a void when she's gone.  

Sophia is the first being close to me that I have known I was going to lose.  I have been having a sickening premonition that I was going to lose something and I was preparing myself mentally/spiritually for it.  I didn't know who or what was going to happen.  I didn't even want to speak about the premonition fearing the worst.  So a part of me is a little relieved despite being sad.  Another part of me hopes this is really what the premonition was about--not the beginning or part of it. 

My poor Sophia.  I hope the steroids at least help her to not suffer.  They say she has about 3-6 months before she stops eating.  And at that time, it would be best to put her down.  The very idea of putting her down puts a pit in my stomach.  What are my feelings on euthanasia?  Does that extend to every species including humans?  I've always said that if I knew for certain I was going to die (like if I were on the sinking Titanic) I would have have opted for a bullet to the head.  I don't like suspense (couldn't even get through one episode of 24) and I despise useless suffering.  But am I taking euthanasia too lightly because she's not human?  I believe, like Buddhism teaches, that there is no hierarchy of life:  life is life and is equal, whether a bumble bee or a human.  Then there's the part of me that just doesn't want to wake up one morning and find her dead.  I certainly don't want the kids to find her.  And my husband was the one who found his father dead of a heart attack.  He's already said he doesn't want to handle anything like that again.  

It's such a complex, sad situation. 

Little Tweaks

It's interesting being in maintenance mode on Weight Watchers.   I know it's kind of silly but I found security in my 26 point target and now that it's 29, I'm a little unsure.  I'm such a creature of habit that I really have to make sure that I eat all my daily points and weekly points or I will surely have some left over which means I find myself scheduling in things to eat even though I'm pretty sure I won't be hungry then.  Usually,  it turns out that, indeed, I'm not hungry then and don't eat what I scheduled and have points left over for the day.  So it's a re-learning process to figure out what I need to do to maintain my weight.  So far, though, for two weeks on maintenance, I've been successful.

Anyway, here's a little tweak to what I've been eating and I picked it up from an article in Runner's Magazine. Three or so days out of the week I have two whole boiled eggs (4 points), a slice of sprouted wheat toast  (1 point) with a teaspoon of Earth Balance (1 point), a yogurt smoothie (6 points) or oatmeal (5 points) with blueberries and a piece of fruit.  The tweak I've discovered is having the toast with two teaspoons of almond or peanut butter (which is 1.5 points and a good amount of protein and fat) not Earth Balance (which is 1 point and only fat).  I mean, it really holds me such that I don't need the smoothie/yogurt.  But that  makes my breakfast not as point heavy so I have to figure out how to make it up throughout the day.

I'm also realizing that while I am seeing a lot of more definition from weight lifting, I'd like to see more and I think the key is diet.  So I'm going to be doing some research to find out how to make other little tweaks that support muscle building.

Profound to me.

While practicing yoga outside yesterday morning, I was in trikonasana (triangle pose where the body forms many different triangles) and noticed three birds flying high in the sky. I thought to myself how wonderful it would be to just get up and fly.  It made me think back to when I was reading Anne Lamott's book Traveling Mercies and I realized that while I wouldn't want to sky dive, I would like to go paragliding.  

Later on at Z1's tennis class, I began to read Lift by Kelly Corrigan.  This book actually caused me a lot of angst because I first read about it in some random magazine I was reading while Z1 was participating in a library program.  I couldn't remember the title nor the author--only the way it looked and that it was a non-fictional book that I *knew* I would enjoy because I usually enjoy those kinds of books.  I spent almost an hour searching the web with not much to go on until finally . . . I found it.  Don't ask me how.  

Anyway, I opened the book and it starts off: "All things want to fly." 

On Monday at the children's library I found a wonderful treasure of a book:  The Wonderful Happens by Cynthia Rylant.  

[quote]From Publishers Weekly

Like the lyrics to The Sound of Music's "My Favorite Things," Rylant's picture-book list of what is wonderful in the world includes both raindrops and roses. The sweet, rhythmic text is both cheery and unabashedly sentimental. It begins with basic bread: "In a little kitchen/ someone butters bread,/ wonderful bread./ the earth grew wheat,/ the wheat made flour,/ and the wonderful happened:/ bread." Rylant sets up a premise that conveys nature's cause and effect: bread comes from flour, birds from eggs, roses from seeds. Dowley frames her illustrations with homey, quiltlike borders in simple flowered or geometric patterns. Branches of a peach tree teem with bees, a butterfly and a clone of the bright bluebird seen in Disney's Cinderella. Then abruptly, in the middle of a full-bleed spread of a blue sky dotted with a single yellow star, the text asks, "Did you know/ there was a time/ when you weren't anywhere?" Setting aside how puzzling this question might be to a child and that her answer goes against the simple logic of the first three-quarters of the book, Rylant suggests that children just happen ("you happened/ like bread, like a bird, like rain,/.../ the wonderful happened,/ the wonderful is you/ growing like a red red rose." Unfortunately, despite its feel-good appeal and images, the book lacks a coherent vision. All ages. (Nov.)
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition. [/quote]

I agree with the summary of the book to a tee but I still found it beautiful because I think in a lot of ways, it mirrors the way we think . . . things don't always seem to have a clear connection.  Like bread doesn't connect to a bird which doesn't connect to my children.  At least not apparently.  But they are all connected.  

 

It's all connected.  And that is profound to me.  

Photo Credit

Fitness Rundown Summer 2010

After I decided that I couldn't keep up with P90X because of the time commitment (an hour plus most days), I was kind of just winging it.  I was doing lots of different cardio DVDs/routines and lifting weights too (using Jari Love DVDs or routines from the Chalean Extreme(CE) program though not in any particular order).  Last week I finally decided to commit to following the CE program exclusively but I decided to start at Month 2, the Push month, which emphasizes using weight that is heavy enough so that you really have to struggle to get out the last 3 reps in the set (with good form, of course).  The main advantage of CE over P90x is the time factor.  No workout is more than 45 minutes long at most.  Another key difference is that there are two rest days as opposed to one in the P90X program.  I use one of the rest days for cardio and the other for yoga.  Another difference is that most of the routines in CE focus on all-over weight lifting as opposed to isolating areas on different days.  I'm not sure how I feel about that approach but it is definitely a solid program and I'm looking forward to getting to the end and noting my results.  I like Chalean's energy and I think she gives excellent instruction so it makes it easier to get up and do it.  If I had it my way though, I would still be doing P90X because I like the intensity of the program even despite the fact that I have to add about an extra hour or so of cardio to the 2 hours that are built into the program.  I think weight training is wonderful and it is an essential part of my fitness routine.  It's amazing that I started out barely being able to move 5 and 6 pound weights.  Currently I'm curling 18 lbs.  in each hand and squatting with 44+ pounds.  I can't wait to see just how heavy I am going to go!  There are hundreds of reasons to lift weights--especially for women and I always encourage folks' interested in fitness to start a strength training routine.  Like Chalean always says, as a woman if you're not really trying to bulk up in a concentrated way, you won't because women just don't have the kind of testosterone.  Lifting weights nicely complements the kind of strength work I do in yoga (which is using my own weight as resistance). 

Like P90X, CE is primarily focused on strength training so I have to find ways to get the cardio I need.  I've taken up running and like weight training, I've been pleasantly surprised at how much I really enjoy it.  There is just something about running that's glamorous in a way, yes, but also super challenging mentally and physically.  To me, there's nothing like setting a goal (like the next stoplight) and making it there and then pushing through to the next stoplight.  I thoroughly enjoy the time to listen to my music without anyone interrupting.  Or just running in silence listening to the rhythm of my feet striking the pavement.  Since I'm a beginning runner, I am experiencing some novice issues like what kind of running shoe is for me, what headphones will actually stay in my ears while running, what my ideal pace is, and what kind of goals I should be setting for myself.  Luckily for me, I discovered that my local library subscribes to Runner's World--talk about about an abundance of information.  It's awesome.  

So right now, I'm doing the CE program (and also doing Ab Ripper X from P90x) three times a week., cardio 3 times a week and yoga twice a week.  I run on Sundays (my long run) and on Thursdays (a shorter run after an hour or so of yoga) so running is my main form of cardio these days.  Once a week, my cardio consists of step aerobics such a Cathe Friedrich's Athletic Step,  plyometrics/kickboxing blends like Jillian Micheal's Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism, or if I want a workout that is low-impact but still a calorie-burner/sweat inducer, Aerospace NYC AeroBox.  

That's where I am with it right now.  When I'm done with CE, I'd like to get into kettlebell workouts or try a different kind of strength training.  I know that I would just love to get an interchangeable dumbbell set at some point in the near future.  I think it would be an excellent investment in that I'd have a large range of weight to use and switching weights would be a quick  and easy process that doesn't involve calculation.   Right now, I am using the hubby's weights which consist of threaded dumbbell handles and an array of weights that go on them and some neoprene handweights.  To figure out how much weight I'm using, I am constantly with a calculator adding and subtracting 2.5 lbs, 5 lbs,  etc . . .  Also, from an aesthetic perspective, it would help a lot.  The weights are in corner in our living room and the kids just love to mess with them leaving all over the place instead of neatly stacked the way I leave them.  I still haven't decided yet but it's between the Powerblock 2.5 to 50 lb. adjustable set or the Bowflex SelectTech 552 Dumbbells.  I'm drawn towards the Powerblocks because they look less sleek which often means they are more durable.  The SelectTech's are sexy which means (in my mind at least) that they may break more easily.  I can adjust both weights in seconds and that's the main reason why I'm not looking into the Ironmaster's which are supposedly the best on the market.

So that's my fitness rundown.  It may have bored the hell out of some of you  but fitness is really a huge part of my life right now.  And I hope it will be an important part for the rest of my days. 

 

There's nothing quite like feeling and being fit and strong. 

Photo Credit 1

Photo Credit 2

What's with all the propaganda?

It seems recently that everywhere I turn there are warnings to use sunscreen at every possible moment that you might have even the tiniest bit of exposure to the sun.  Including in the rain.  Or through a window.  In the winter.  There are advertisements in magazines for sunscreens with SPF ratings of 100!  I have to say, I think this is insane.

Of course, I can appreciate that because of human actions, our ozone layer is compromised and more harmful rays make their way down to us.  But despite this, I cannot embrace the idea that the sun is this deadly heavenly body that could only bring us harm.  

Ancient peoples worshiped, celebrated, and honored the sun because they recognized it as the source of all life.  Without it, we are finished.  Plants need it to photosynthesize and we need plants for food.  But we need the sun in a more direct way as well: without the sun, human beings (and many other animals) cannot synthesize vitamin D, an essential vitamin.

In many of these magazines that I've been reading that are so pro-sunscreen, I have read that even a daily 10 minutes unprotected in the sun could be deadly and that the *best* way to get Vitamin D is through supplements.  They rarely make any distinctions in the supplements when they are making the recommendations: D2 versus D3?  There are some studies that say that the body can't really use D2, the vegan form of vitamin D.   Natural types of vitamin D supplementation (like cod liver oil and eggs) versus synthetic forms?  Is it really all the same?  Somehow I doubt it.  

And what's perhaps the most troublesome to me is that they never seem to consider darker-hued individuals in their recommendations.  I read somewhere once that highly melinated skin (i.e. dark skin) is equivalent to SPF 50 on it's own.  I would guess that lighter skinned folks of color would have skin that's at least naturally SPF 15 or 30.  That means that for a darker-skinned persons, sunscreen would not be as necessary especially if the person is not in the direct sun for hours and hours.  But I have yet to see any sunscreen guidelines for darker skinned people.  I am worried about what the repercussions will be if all people follow the general guidelines for sunscreen.  For many months out of the year in my neck of the woods, the sun does not shine at all.  Are we to understand that supplements really are an acceptable alternative to synthesizing our own vitamin D naturally?  Do we really want to go by those guidelines only to find ourselves in 10-15 years seriously lacking vitamin D in our systems and dealing with all the issues that come from such a deficiency?

I am well aware that mainstream medicine and media will not take the time to make guidelines specific to people of color.  I am kind of in a teetering position--worrying about the dangers of the sun (which have come about as a direct result of human actions)  but not being able to trust the establishment as to what to do in terms of sunscreen and vitamin D supplementation.  I fully expect to hear some crazy statistic in a few years about how babies of color are suffering from rickets and other bone disease because whatever supplement was prescribed (Oops!) just doesn't work.  Then they'll change their recommendation again and say everyone should strive for at least some unprotected time in the sun but by then, the damage will already have been done.  I feel this whole thing could turn out to be just the same situation as when margarine was far better than butter but then they turned around and said that in terms of bad food, trans-fats are the devil incarnate.  I mean, really?  I ate margarine my whole childhood! 

In the winter or when my kids get sick, I am an avowed cod liver oil user.  I like Carlson's brand because it is a high vitamin D oil that is triple purified so there is no mercury present.  I'm also able to buy it at my local market.  I feel that cod liver oil, at least, is a more natural form of vitamin D than something made in the lab.  And I do use sunscreen but I'm not crazy with it.  I always use SPF 30.  If we're at the pool, I'll apply it once and leave it at that.  It we're at the beach, maybe twice (because the beach is really the only place I've gotten a sunburn). But if we're going about our business, ducking in and out of stores, the library, the car, etc. and not really in direct sunlight for any extended length of time, I don't put it on.  

I won't even talk about the myriad of unnatural and questionable ingredients in most mainstream sunscreens.  My favorite brands of sunscreen: The Naked Bee (which is a butter) and All Terrain TerrasSport, which both have ingredients that I'm more comfortable with.  

Anyway, I feel my conspiracy theorist alter ego rearing up whenever I read yet another article on using sunscreen . . . who is in bed with who here?  Who stands to benefit?  What's with all the propaganda? Essential questions to ask.

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I will freely admit . . .

This post comes about after reading two articles:  "I am a Radical Homemaker failure" and "Just Not Made that Way" (by one of my favorite writers on the topic of sustainable living).

Recently, my days have been filled with taking the kids here and there to keep them busy.  It seems that if we stay at home, Z1 only wants to watch shows or play games on the computer (which are one and the same to me, quite honestly).  I've been barely keeping up with my homemaking, keeping the house clean by skin of my teeth and cooking multiple meals at one time.  It's kind of a crazy pace I've been keeping but it's summer and the warm weather only lasts so long.

So a few days ago, I realized that my emergency preparation/self-sufficiency efforts have gone to the wayside quite a bit.  I'm still making yogurt, yes, but not bread.  I've been taking some shortcuts just because I'm so busy.  I'm not pleased about this and I'm sure that once winter comes around again, I will probably pick up the pace.  But I can't shake a feeling of being overwhelmed by all the goals I would like to achieve like having a vigorous and productive garden--enough to try my hand at canning.  Heck, I haven't even made it to ONE farmer's market yet mainly because there are none close by and they are all out of the way or on days where it's difficult for me to get to them.  This is making me sad to some extent but I have to just put things in perspective.  I *know* that when it's cold, I'll be home more to do more but this is the time that I need to be working hard.  I mean, I know I am working hard but not at self-sufficiency things and that worries me.

I know that as the times become more difficult, out of necessity, most likely everyone will buckle down and do the things they need to do to sustain themselves.  I think that we may be able to develop a community of sorts based up sustaining ourselves.  Or at least I hope.  I know that for me, I sometimes need a little pressure to get myself moving--and I can't think of a better motivator to do certain things like gardening (for real) and canning, than the possibility that we wouldn't be able to eat without them.  But who wants to really get good at these thing when it's a matter or life and death?  I hope I can motivate myself right now when making mistakes does not mean a sure death.  Any ideas?

A Good Shoe

Shoes, shoes, shoes . . . 

For most of my life, if I had to stand or walk for extended amounts of time (like an hour or more), I would have some seriously debilitating ankle pain.  I always thought I had weak ankles and that it was something I really didn't have any control over.  

I sustained an injury to my left foot while working out a few months ago.  It was painful for a while and the pain was accompanied by edema.  I went to see the podiatrist when it was painful and while he couldn't do anything for the pain and swelling, I learned that I have flat feet.  Eventually the pain subsided (but I still have edema in that foot that gets worse when it's hot which was kind of a wake up call for me). 

I always thought my feet were normal and it came as quite a surprise that they were not.  All those  years of pain, I realized, were due to my flat feet and not wearing the proper shoes.  While I didn't know that I had flat feet, I did know that shoes like Birkenstocks (with lots of arch support) were even more comfortable than sneakers for me.  In Birkesnstocks, I could walk all day--literally--and my ankles wouldn't hurt at all.  Learning that I had flat feet helped me understand why.   

The podiatrist fitted me for orthotics--basically an insole that would go into all my shoes.  The only issue was that in order to wear the insole, the shoe had to be big enough and/or the right shape to accommodate the insole.  I  hemmed and hawed about it because I didn't want to get rid of some of my shoes but at that point, I'd had enough with the pain.  So I got rid of a lot of shoes that can't accomodate the insoles.  I also discovered clog style shoes like Dansko and Sanita brand.  I find these shoes to be extremely comfortable even without the insole.  They are (usually) pricey though so my shoe rotation is through four shoes this summer: 

• Birkenstock in Golden Brown
• Dansko Professional in Cordovan Cabrio
• Sanita Clog in patent leather black (I never thought hard soled shoes like these would be comfortable and I love Clog Outlet.com)
• Sanita Mona Sandal

In June, I was on a quest to find very warm, comfortable winter boots.  I did very well, by the way, at the Onlineshoes.com outlet.  I got these and those.  I made sure to get them large enough to accommodate my insoles.  My short Timberland boots that I've had for about 2 years now, are really roomy and with the insole, they are like a dream for going on hikes and other outdoorsy type activities.   

My athletic shoe situation is still hit and miss.  I have learned never to buy sneakers online.  When I get through with these sneakers that I have now, I will definitely hit a running specialty store to figure out the right shoe for my foot.  Currently, I'm managing by working out with my insoles in my sneaker.  But it is so hot these days  . . . putting that insole in triples the amount my feet sweat and how hot my feet feel.  It's annoying but it is far better than ankle pain.  Far better. 

I mean, it's been a lot of dealing with shoes lately and I'm kind of getting tired of it but it feels so wonderful to not have to deal with ankle and foot pain.  I need one more shoe:  something to wear around the house that's comfortable since I am standing most of the time.  I've never had a real pair of Crocs (only knock-offs) but I think they could work.  Earlier I Googled flip-flops with arch support and found a few hits.  But I think like my sneakers, I'm going to have to go try them on to be sure they are what I need.  Because I have the insole that was specifically molded to my foot, I know exactly what I'm looking for. 

I've had to give up my vanity a little bit.  I don't go and get $10 flip-flops or other cutesy shoes.  Just looking at them causes me pain, now that I know what causes me pain (i.e. a low arch as opposed to weak ankles).  And I can't say the shoes I'm wearing now are the most fashionable around.  I can hardly believe that I am choosing comfort as my priority.  Comfort over cuteness.  But these days, the only thing cute to me is comfort. 

I'm also amazed by how the foot works and that a low arch would translate into such intense ankle pain.  I'm wondering why I have flat feet in the first place and hope that since I keep my kids barefoot or in soft-soled shoes whenever possible, they will have normal feet.   

One upside to all this is that now I really have a limited number of shoes to pick from which means that it drastically reduces clutter.  There are still some (essentially useless and pain-inducing) shoes that I can't let go of.  But as they sit there, neglected, I'm sure their uselessness will become more and more pronounced which will motivate me to chuck them.

I will never again underestimate the importance of A Good Shoe.

Photo Credit

Mock Tuna Salad--a Quick, Easy and Filling Lunch

I think most vegetarians at some point get around to making a mock tuna salad.  There are lots of recipes floating around on the web.  I'm not really a fan of eating chickpeas whole (unless they've are part of a very flavorful stew and have taken on some of the spices) so I avoid recipes where the chickpeas are not pureed. My favorite recipe by far is this one.    I add one extra tablespoon of relish, a rounded teaspoon each of black pepper and sea salt to the basic recipe.  Each serving is 6 Weight Watchers points but it wasn't keeping me full until the next meal.  By the time it was time for dinner, I was really, really hungry.  So to try to combat this I started to add 

• half a large red pepper, chopped
• half a large green pepper, chopped
• two stalks of celery, diced
• 1/4 cup of chopped onions
• two small carrots, chopped

Paired with a whole wheat mini-pita, this recipe is quite filling and feels like I am eating a real meal instead of a snack.   As an added bonus, this recipe is very quick to make in the food processor (aside from chopping the vegetables).  I used to make my own vegan mayonnaise but . . . I just need a little bit of a shortcut these days. 

Personal Milestones in Yoga

When I was brand new to yoga, I was surprised that there were  more advanced poses that I could easily get into like half lotus pose (as opposed to simple cross-legged pose or sukhasana) or upward plank pose. I realized that people come to yoga at a wide array of starting points.  Me personally, I couldn't touch my toes in standing forward bend.  I couldn't touch my head to the floor in child's pose.  Certain poses like crane pose, chaturanga dandasana, and side plank pose were like a big joke . . . I couldn't even begin to get into those poses. 

While I still find these last three challenging, now that I've been practicing over a year, I am so pleased that I can get into the poses and stay there long enough to explore my breath and explore what's going on in my body.  I can stay there long enough to make adjustments and experience the benefits of these poses.  

But what has me straight tickled pink these days is that finally, I can get into upward wheel pose.  It seems like up until a month ago, I absolutely had to modify this pose.  I simply did not have the strength to get into the position and if I did get into it with help, I couldn't stay there for very long at all.  I had been modifying with bridge pose which is still a very lovely pose that my body likes and which I will still keep on doing depending on what my body says.

It's nice to mark the milestones in yoga.  Even nicer to note how many more there will be. 

Photo Credit

Book Review: Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott

I'm really into books like these at the moment: memoirs and autobiographies.   I'm drawn to stories that tell of peoples' very individual journeys and the lessons learned and the understandings gained.  Funnily enough, I felt "Traveling Mercies" was an apt title:  it's something my parents would often say when someone was headed off on a long journey. On the recommendation of a good friend, I picked up Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith by Anne Lamott.  This is the second book that I have read by this author--the first was Operating Instructions: a Journal of My Son's First Year of Life, which, as a brand new mother myself, I really appreciated.   

Traveling Mercies was a good read.  It was not full or intrigue or any eye-opening insights but it was what it said it was:  some of Ms. Lamott's thoughts on faith, take it or leave it.  Funny that I should pick up and enjoy the book since Lamott's faith is so totally different than mine but I think that's what  I liked about: it.  She tells of how she figured out her faith, came to terms with things that didn't always makes sense, and grew to come to a place of peace.  The end of the book was kind of anti-climactic and I would say that it took me a long time to read the book because it really was a series of thoughts strung together from different moments and events in Ms. Lamott's life--kind of like a blog in book form.  There wasn't necessarily a good flow . . . but that's how thoughts (and blogs) work sometimes. 

Now I'm reading The Color of Water by James McBride, another memoir/biography, which I bought at a thrift store for a couple of cents years ago but never got around to reading and I am really enjoying it.  It's so engaging and I'm moving quickly through it. 

My First Attempt at Basic Artisan Bread

It didn't quite rise the way it was supposed to.  This is kind of the same issue I had with the no-knead bread.  Anyway, it's super tasty but far too dense--an artisan bread is supposed to be light with lots of air holes.  The recipe I used is found in the booklet that came with my Cuisinart food processer.  It is adapted from The Best Bread Ever: Great Home Made Bread Using Your Food Processor by Charles van Over.  I will definitely give it another try at some point but because of the heat, it's not the greatest idea to have the oven on.  I had to stick the dough in the fridge last night . . . so that may have messed up the process.  I'll never know till I try again, making sure to start early in the morning. 

At the Altar . . .

So little by little, I've been adding things to my altar to beautify it.  I figure if I'm going to sit there for a time, it should be some place that's beautiful.  

So, it's nice now.  I can't say it's really all tied in, i.e. has a theme, but I like it.  I feel comfortable there.  I purchased the "fruit" today.  It's artificial but it's massively hot right now and real fruit was ripening too quickly.  The bowl was one we've had around for a while that really had no use so I'm happy it's got one now.  Everything else (including my fabulous ottoman) was purchased at the thrift store (including my butsudan).  So all the pieces caught my eye in some way. 

I wish I could spend more time at my altar but there are lots of distractions in my life right now.  Sometimes I feel like if I did spent more time there, I would be more centered and have a bit more clarity about what would make me happy, content and fulfilled and what it is I should really be doing with my life.  Maybe.  Maybe  not. 

Full-time mom?

I have been very careful about not calling myself a full-time mom so as not to offend moms who work out of home.  After all, when a mother heads off to work for 8-10 hours daily she does not stop being a mom.  

But over the last few days, I have decided that I'm going to start calling myself a full-time mom.  I mean, this job that I'm doing is endless.  I don't have a quit time.  It's just what I do all the time.  Except when I'm sleeping (and that's not really true unless the boys stay peacefully asleep the whole night).  Or when I'm eking out a few moments in the morning to workout.  And if I were taking care of someone else's children, this would certainly be called a full-time job.  Plus overtime.  Plus extra days off just because of the high stress nature of the job (shrieking kids, fighting, poop). 

The past few days I've been feeling like going to work would be a welcome reprieve.  Now, the line of work I would be doing (teaching), I know, is not a break.  It is hard work that doesn't end at the end of the school day.  And I'm not quite sure what else I could do with my Master's degree in Childhood Education . . . or what else I would want to do with it.  And in this job market?   I know that on the flip side, being a work-out-of home has it's own challenges and frustrations.  I know . . . but I've been feeling pretty challenged and frustrated with this full-time/overtime gig these past few days.  (((sigh)))  I have been impatient.  Not compassionate.  Short.  Mean.  Annoying.  The whole nine.  I feel like I need a moment . . . no, some moments.  And I know that's not realistic so it just keeps grinding on.  

Hopefully in a few days, I'll feel a shift.  Gain some perspective or something.  Right now, it's just . . . what it is.