Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Full-time mom?

I have been very careful about not calling myself a full-time mom so as not to offend moms who work out of home.  After all, when a mother heads off to work for 8-10 hours daily she does not stop being a mom.  

But over the last few days, I have decided that I'm going to start calling myself a full-time mom.  I mean, this job that I'm doing is endless.  I don't have a quit time.  It's just what I do all the time.  Except when I'm sleeping (and that's not really true unless the boys stay peacefully asleep the whole night).  Or when I'm eking out a few moments in the morning to workout.  And if I were taking care of someone else's children, this would certainly be called a full-time job.  Plus overtime.  Plus extra days off just because of the high stress nature of the job (shrieking kids, fighting, poop). 

The past few days I've been feeling like going to work would be a welcome reprieve.  Now, the line of work I would be doing (teaching), I know, is not a break.  It is hard work that doesn't end at the end of the school day.  And I'm not quite sure what else I could do with my Master's degree in Childhood Education . . . or what else I would want to do with it.  And in this job market?   I know that on the flip side, being a work-out-of home has it's own challenges and frustrations.  I know . . . but I've been feeling pretty challenged and frustrated with this full-time/overtime gig these past few days.  (((sigh)))  I have been impatient.  Not compassionate.  Short.  Mean.  Annoying.  The whole nine.  I feel like I need a moment . . . no, some moments.  And I know that's not realistic so it just keeps grinding on.  

Hopefully in a few days, I'll feel a shift.  Gain some perspective or something.  Right now, it's just . . . what it is. 


My name is Tiffany said...

Hang in there you are not alone. I feel overwhelmed constantly. I feel like I am spinning my wheels most days. Just when I got a grove going with three kids and keeping the house in order. I added homeschooling to the mix which has thrown everything out of whack. One thing I did do was ask for my hubby to give me two days where I could have some time to myself. He did I am grateful but five days out of the week I am still with the boys over 12 hours a day by myself and its just hard.

liberationtheory said...

I'm not gonna lie to kick it and I know other moms might think I'm awful. But working out of the home (and I'm a teacher too at a pretty rigoruous school) is worth it to me to have mental balance. I try to maximize all the time I do have with my daughter in the evenings and weekends, and it forces me to be a lot more efficient at work because I do NOT bring work home. I used to before I had her.

If you do decide to work out of the home, there are going to be challenges there (like cooking dinner), coming home to work (childcaring, cleaning, etc) but there are tons of women who do it and do it well. For example, a friend of mine with 6 kids cooks dinner in the mornings before she goes to work so all she has to do is reheat the healthy and nutritious meals in the evening instead of what I end up doing (which I won't admit here).

All that to say is that perhaps you can try it for a year and re-evaluate after that. If you need any help with juggling teaching and mommyhood, I'll be glad to help (I'm doing that plus finishing my masters.. 9 credits a semester YIKES!)

Best of luck!

Jennie said...

Hmm.. Maybe you could set up some sort of homeschooling coop if you have a couple of families you get along with decently. Plan a weekly thing where all the kids do something for a half a day together, with 1 adult, giving the other moms a break for a half day. Do a rotation thing for the mom-in-charge for that week's activity.

Even if you just try if for the summer, it might be nice.
Or, it might be more trouble than it's worth, especially if you can't find a couple good families to do it with.

As for what you call your work, full time mom seems fine, I called myself the home engineer while I was home with baby for his first year. :-D I think as long as it resonates with you, use it. Don't worry so much about other mom's labels, as yours only needs to be right for you.

As a mom who is currently working outside the home, "full time mom" doesn't bother me. I know I'm always a mom, but I only 'work' at it part time right now. So I'm a part-timer. :-D

Each path has it's challenges, that's the truth. I hope you find the path that makes you feel complete.

The Original Wombman said...

Tiffany, it's good to know I'm not alone . . . indeed, being alone with my two boys for such long stretches can be so difficult.

LT . . . thanks for that. I am still thinking hard. I wonder had my first teaching position been more pleasant, would I have ever made the decision to be a SAHM. I was so overwhelmed, frustrated and tired all the time . . . now I'm feeling the same way and I don't want to abandon ship just yet without giving it all I've got and really working on shifting my perspective. Good luck with school! I can't even begin to imagine working full time, being a mom and doing school! More power to you.

Jennie, I'm working very hard to set up a homeschooling co-op. We have groups already in existence but they usually require a lot of driving. I think setting up this local homeschool community is coming together but it's slow. I know if I had that kind of support, this would be way easier. I'm hoping I find the best path too . . . thank you. :)

liberationtheory said...

Guess what? Everyone's first year sucks! I'm not meaning to belittle or dismiss your experience, but don't feel bad about your first year sucking. I had a breakdown in class, had to go to court b/c a child touched me inappropriately, and more. But I made it!! 10 years later and I'm going strong. That year taught me all of what not to do.

The Original Wombman said...

LT, I know. It's just been nagging me that maybe I didn't stick it out longer. Maybe I gave up too soon. I know that if I had started out teaching when I didn't have any kids/family responsibilities, I would have stayed and dealt with it and pushed through. But because I was suffering so much, everyone else was too. My certification just expired last month and I'm in the process of renewing it . . . this coming year would have been my fifth year teaching. It bothers me. I remember feeling purposeful when I went to work, if not appreciated at least compensated for my work. It make me feel good. And Productive. . .

Henna @ AboutCabinets Blog said...

well. you are not the only one hanging in there, everyone almost has the same thing going around with head spinning and mind out of out its orbit and i guess thats what being mum is all about?? dont you agree

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