Wednesday, August 24, 2011

When do you stop looking for your mother's approval?

The movie Skin made me really think about this topic.  It came up again last night at dinner with my parents when my mother again remarked that I need to put on weight--to at least get to be a size 6 so that I "look like I've had children".  I try to not let her comments bother me.  I'm happy at my current weight and I'm working hard to maintain it. I try to remember that she's from a different generation and grew up in a different culture. I try to remind myself that when I was a size 16, she had negative comments to make then too so realistically, there is probably no size that I could be that would be ideal.  And if I did somehow reach that magical perfect size, there would be something else that wouldn't be perfect.  I know that intellectually.  But it still feels like I'm falling short and not quite measuring up to some standard.  And never will.  

So when do you finally accept that you will never get your mother's approval?  When do you stop looking for it?  

4 comments:

Ensayn1 said...

Chi-Chi, for me I think the approval issue faded (being male it was with my father), in fact I know it went away when I decided to move away from the state that my parents reside (my father transitioned in Oct 2008.)

From the point in time when I left and my father realized I was not going to move back to Cali, things, he began to look at me in another way. From that point on, I needn't seek his approval he freely gave it. It took moving out of state to break that "tie" as I like to call it.

Anna C. said...

For me? Never. Not that I try any longer, much less go out of my way to get it. But I can't help the yearning of my heart. I want my mom to love me, just for me. That is the child in me that wishes she could just accept me for who I am and that she would just...SEE me. But she doesn't. All she sees is what SHE wants me to be (which is conservative evangelical Christian). She can't see that she doesn't practice the unconditional love she talks about so much. And she probably never will. I don't know that I'll ever be able to completely accept that. Live with it, yes. Accept it with my heart, probably not. I'm sorry you experience this too. On the other hand, this is exactly what motivates me to accept my daughter and be unconditional in my love and parenting of her. Hopefully I can change the course of the river.

Serenity Love Sincere Peace Earth said...

When you realize you will never get it.

Nicky said...

For me it's my father's approval and I don't look for it anymore.

My mother ... she rocks!!!! A very healthy sense of self and concern for others so I welcome her approval as opposed to having to work at not needing it.

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