I had a terrible allergy fit last night and ended up taking 2 Claritin. The box says that taking more than the recommended dose could make you drowsy. For me, it's like drinking Red Bull or some other kind of high caffeine drink. My sleep is shallow and any little thing can rouse me. But it's far better than suffering with the allergies: sneeze, sneeze, sniffle, blow, scratch throat, rub eyes, sneeze, sneeze, sniffle.
Anyway, today was the first morning I was supposed to get up at 4:45 to exercise. And when the alarm clock rang, my eyes sprang open. I lay in bed for just a few moments more (because it was cold outside the bed and I like to listen to my men sleeping). Anyway, just as I was about to get out of bed, Z2 started to stir. I stayed perfectly still. It didn't work! This little dude knew what I was up to and got up right then. So I spent some time trying to calm him down by singing to him (He loves Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star). Fifteen minutes later, he was back asleep. I crept out of bed to go wash my face, brush my teeth and put on my workout attire. As soon as I got to the bathroom, he was up again hollering, "Mom, mom, mom!!" Oh Lord help me! So I go back to the bedroom and this time I figure let me just nurse him back to sleep. So I do and he drifts off. I go to get my nipple out of his mouth and this little dude will not let go! Eventually, I just stick my finger in his mouth to break the latch and he starts to pitch a fit. At this point, I'm like whatever--it's 5:40 already and I've been up one whole hour trying to put him back to sleep so I can go workout. He's there in bed with his father hollering while I go off to get my workout on. Well, he cried and cried and cried for close to 45 minutes while I was exercising. I felt badly for him but I was determined to exercise and I wasn't going to let him derail me. I really need to exercise to let go of stress and also for my digestive health and just an overall feeling of well being. I jumped around the living room with him bawling and didn't stop once. Did I feel any guilt? Not one iota.
See, I spend practically my whole day focused on my family especially my little boys. For most of the day, their needs come first. I can't tell you how many times I've given them lunch but forgot to give myself lunch. How many pampers have I changed and butts have I wiped but forget to go to the bathroom myself until it's a dire emergency? This is what the day usually looks like. I just need a few moments where my attention is totally focused on me. Little Z2 doesn't quite understand that but he doesn't need to in order for me to give myself permission to do what I need to do. I feel badly that he was in there hollering at his father who also needs his sleep but believe me, I am a much better wife and person in general when I get my exercise. And this morning, not only did I get a chance to exercise, I was able to journal, study and chant in a focused way because it was quiet and I was alone. I feel really great right now.
So despite Z2's protests, I'm going to keep working out in the morning, guilt free. Hopefully he gets used to it soon.
It's 7:54 and everyone is still asleep. What a wonky morning!