Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Soul Mates?

Tarrus Riley has a song called Soul Mate which I really love:


The other day as I was driving and listening to the song, I started to think about soul mates.  I tend to believe in soul mates but for me, I've never really thought that my soul mate needed to be someone that I would be married to or intimate with or someone of the opposite sex even.  To me, a soul mate could be a true blue friend.  Or even my blood sister.  I never really had the idea that a soul mate would be someone you'd get along with flawlessly but I do think that two soul mates would really understand each other in an uncanny way.  The two would be attracted to each other in a way that's kind of inexplicable.  There was one guy in my past  to whom I was totally and inexplicably physically attracted and thinking back, had we actually given a relationship a try, it would have been truly disastrous.  Was he my soul mate?  I don't know and I don't think I want to.  You could find you soul mate as a child (two kids who just really click and work well) or as an elderly person (two old folks who can just sit in silence and communicate everything) or never at all.

When I googled soul mate, I discovered that (it seems) lots of people are in search of their soul mate to be their life partner. There's all kinds of quizzes and checklists.  I remember Joan from the show Girlfriends and how she was constantly single (which was kind of the running joke) as she searched for her soul mate.  She just refused to settle for anything less.

Personally, I don't know if there are any guarantees that you will meet your soul mate (or should I say a soul mate since you could potentially have many) in this lifetime.  Maybe you and your soul mate are just not incarnate at the same exact time or maybe your soul mate lives halfway across the world and speaks Urdu.  Does every soul have a soul mate?  Is there a missing piece of you until you meet your soul mate?  Do soul mates stay soul mates for ever?  I don't know.  

But it's interesting to think about.  Had you asked me when I first got married had I married my soul mate, I would have answered a resounding yes.  Three years into the marriage, I would probably have said definitely not.  Six years into it and . . . I think that he quite possibly is but we've grown into it.   Can you grow into being soul mates?  Is that how you get a soul mate in the first place, finding him or her in this lifetime, intertwining your souls together until both souls are inseparable and  then just meeting up with him again and again in other lifetimes?  Or are soul mates create dspecifically for each other?   Heck, are souls created or have they always just existed?  Like alongside God?   Oh boy, I digress.  

When I look at the hubby, I don't see a reflection of myself but actually a really excellent balance.  The fact that we are not matching but complementary makes it such that our relationship is not without it's bumps and sour notes.  It's like contrasting colors--sometimes you have to look and look again to make sure they go but if you step away, you realize how nicely they look together.  If you are looking at the bigger picture of our marriage, you realize how nicely we look together.  So the question of whether he's my soul mate or not kind of becomes a not that big an issue.  So that's what I would tell someone searching for their life partner . . . not to worry too much about being soul mates but to place more emphasis on whether you two can be good mates.  Does that make sense?

2 comments:

navelgazingbajan said...

Hmm, I tend not to believe in soul mates. However I do think that sometimes we come across individuals that we connect with so deeply and that can last for a short time or a lifetime. My husband and I are opposites in many ways but I think we've come to the point where we balance each other out. Thanks for the song. You've given me a great idea for an anniversary present for this year.

puregoldlady said...

Yes, it makes sense. I never believed in soul mates growing up because I felt with the billions of people on this Earth there must be more than one we are all likely to work out with in the long term.

Sometimes, though, I wonder if we can create our own soul mates. Does that make sense? When we find someone and decide that person is the one.
It sounds like you and your hubby would qualify under my definition. Through thick and thin and several years, you still look at him and think he is a good partner for you (awwww!).
I hope to find someone like that.

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