I picked up a nasty chest cold from the kids and I'm having difficulty breathing. My last chest cold sent me to the emergency room which turned out to be a waste of time and energy. So I'm just trying to take it easy, taking my vitamins and Buckley's and wondering about how to avoid this in the future. A chest cold doesn't have to automatically lead to wheezing and shortness of breath. Something else is up especially since I know my mom is severely asthmatic. I sound just like her when she's having an attack.
Anyway, I'm coming to realize that the form of Buddhism I've been practicing for the past two years is not really doing much for me. I'm very distracted and my mind wanders constantly when I'm chanting. There is really just not enough guidance/training as to what to do to still my mind and when I'm chanting, it's so easy for my mind to find other things to focus on. In addition, I have learned no real tools to draw upon when I get into difficult situations. I need a more meditative form--a form that encourages me to sit quietly and observe. To still my mind and be present. It seems that for me, chanting is great but I also need silence and lately everything I've been reading is encouraging me to develop awareness.
There's a Zen Buddhist center about two towns over and I really want to get around to their introductory meeting one of the Wednesday evenings.
I know this post is disjointed. Sorry. I feel kind of crazy.