Friday, March 23, 2012

No Homebirth this Time Around

Giving birth to Z2 at home was an amazing experience.  Homebirth is and always will be my ideal.  But after weeks of fighting with my insurance company, I finally got them to tell me how much they would pay and it is less than half of the midwife's fee.  I thought about how I could work out a payment plan or something to come up with the balance before I hit 36 weeks. I thought about maybe purchasing additional insurance (which is quite difficult and could get just as pricey as the midwife's fee).  But I have finally accepted that I am not in a financial position to swing this homebirth.  I thought about going unassisted but I am not totally comfortable with that especially since the hubby is really only marginally cool with even midwife-assisted homebirth.  

My other options are to go with the certified nurse midwife practice with which I had Z1. They deliver in a hospital and the idea is just repugnant to me.  As luck would have it, one of the last two freestanding birth centers is only about 20 minutes from me.  I called today to set up an appointment and good thing I did.  I found out that you can't birth in the birthing center if you don't have your first appointment within the first 24 weeks of pregnancy.  They had *one* appointment left within that timeframe (I have until May 1st) and that is next Friday, March 30, 2012 at 4:30.  Not the most convenient time for me but I'm feeling lucky that I actually got an appointment.

So I e-mailed my midwife and on Wednesday, she will fax me all my documents (positive pregnancy test and lab results) which I must take with me on Friday. 

The birth center is not currently giving tours but the two pictures I saw look good.  My intention is to labor at home as long as possible before I go there.  And I'm hoping to leave as soon as I give birth.  I have some more questions that I will ask on Friday but I'm pretty sure this is it.  

I have to be honest when I say that I am relieved because the stress of trying to figure  out how I could afford the midwife was getting to me.  And the last thing I need is stress.

But I won't lie and say that I'm not supremely disappointed that my homebirth won't happen.  Nothing was more magical than lying in my own bed with my two boys after giving birth to Z2.  Amazing.  And there's that feeling of giving up on something you really want.  One more thing it feels like I am giving up on.  And wondering what next?  I feel powerless to make my desires come true and that is not a very good feeling at all.  And there's also that feeling of having my "crunchy mama" card revoked, silly as that may sound.  Having homebirths, in a real or perceived way, is a hallmark of being a natural, in-tune, alternative earth mama.  I'm finding myself kind of hesitant to share my decision too widely with folks.

But, there is just so much we could do for this baby with the $5,000 we would be paying for his/her birth. I guess this is what being a grown up is about--making hard decisions and sometimes putting aside what's most ideal for what is most practical.  Having and raising another child is a pretty big expense in and of itself.  The best situation is to bring him/her into the world with the least amount of stress (and the most resources) possible.  

2 comments:

Dee said...

Congratulations on your new little one! I totally understand where you're coming from. I wanted to homebirth my kiddos, but for one reason or another, it never happened. I was, however, able to have midwives attend me, and my last birth was a waterbirth in a hospital based birthing center. And in my opinion, being *educated* about birth is more important than the location!

CraftyEarthMama said...

Congrat's on your new blessing! I'm sorry you won't be able to have a homebirth, but looks like the birth center will work out for you. It makes me sad that HB isn't seen as a choice with insurance. It should be a covered option just like hospital birth. I fought hard with our ins. to get them to cover my HB out of network. Now, they are actually covering them as in network as a result of our fight. However, we have since changed ins. companies and so when I am pregnant next, loks like I'll have another fight on my hands.

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