The Balance

A few days ago, Lisa over at Black Women Blow the Trumpet wrote The Self-Love Self-Sacrifice Paradox.

I responded, in part, with the following:
I think for me as a young mother, the balancing act is challenging. You are balancing taking care of finance, taking care of children and taking care of self. What I have found is that you have to be committed to yourself first, working at being your best self, for anything else to work well.

I think this challenge is shared by all women--both those who work outside the home and those who are stay-at-home mothers.

When I think about what my priorities are, i.e. what I devote most of my energy to, I visualize a triangle. Now, we all know that properties of a triangle are that it has to have 3 sides and 3 angles adding up to 180 degrees. But there are all kinds of triangles:

	Acute - all angles measure less than 90�.
	Right - one angle measures exactly 90�.
	Obtuse - one angle measures more than 90�.
	Equiangular - all angles measure the same. (60�) This is the same as the equilateral triangle.

(from http://regentsprep.org/regents/Math/triang/LTriangle.htm)

If I had to describe my life right now I'd have to describe it as an acute triangle with the largest angle representing the children, the middle angle representing me, and the smallest angle representing the hubby. I didn't know it before I had children: children require and deserve a lot of time, energy, resources I would be a bold faced liar if I said that there are never days when I want to drop these kids off with someone for a day or two . . .

When the hubby is at work, I am ON. And I stay ON even when he's home. It's the nature of mothering.

Let me show you with an example that happens in my life every day. So around 7:45/8:00, me and the children start getting ready for bed. I put Z1 and Z2 in their pajamas which is about a 15-20 minute deal given that Z1 is 3 years old and Z2 is 1 year old. Both are immune to reasoning and generally have their own agenda. On any given night, Z1 may decide that "robot pajamas" really suck and he wants to wear "lion pajamas". But the lion pajamas are in the basement in the dryer. I will spend the next 5 minutes begging and coercing Z1 to just put on the damn robot pajamas (the ones, by the way, that he adamantly insisted on wearing when it was the lion pajamas he was to put on). Meanwhile Z2, is in his playpen/crib tossing toys out and occasionally hitting big brother which pisses big brother off. Big brother then pushes little brother (who doesn't really care about being pushed). So then I have to explain to Z1 why it is not appropriate to push Z2. Finally, Z1 is in his pajamas. I ask him to pick out books. He complains that "it is too dark in there and there are porcupines". I get up to turn on more light for Z1. Z2 panics and thinks I'm leaving and starts to bawl. I come back to Z2 and pick him up, comfort him and start to put on his pajamas. Z1 is saying that he can't find his favorite book. Just pick a damn book already! While my head is turned to give Z1 suggestions as to where he can find his book, Z2 scurries off because he likes to be diaper-less. He also has a diaper pin in his hand. I wrench my knee trying to keep him from falling off the bed and sticking himself with the diaper pin. Z2 gets extremely pissed off and starts kicking and flailing his arms refusing to stay still for me to pin the diaper. Meanwhile, Z1 has *finally* picked a book. We *finally* head off to the bathroom so that I can brush Z1's teeth and get ready for bed. Z2 is absolutely not feeling being in the exersaucer in the bathroom but if he's not in some containment device, we can't get anything done in the bathroom. So he's pissed off. Z1 may or may not want to open his mouth so I can brush his teeth. I do some pleading. Some bribing. Teeth brushed. I sit him on top of the toilet so I can get ready for bed too. Z1 says he has to pee. I take off the pajamas and the diaper (he still wears a diaper to bed) so he can pee. I realize the last time he went to the bathroom, he also pooped. And 3 year olds do *not* do a good job of wiping. I commence to wiping (and make a mental note to check the underwear he just took off and put in the hamper--they may actually need to go in the diaper pail), put back on the diaper and put the pajamas back on. Sit him on top of the toilet. Start brushing my teeth. Z1 gets off the toilet and starts spinning his already pissed off brother around in the exersaucer. SIT ON THE TOILET Z1!!!! DON'T MOVE!!! I take a deep breath. Wash my face. Reach over exersaucer to get towel. Z2 thinks I'm going to pick him up. Takes his banshee wailing up a notch. Toner. Moisturizer. Put on pajamas. Oil feet and hands. Put on silk scarf. Troop back to bedroom. Get in bed.

Mom, I have to pee.

Troop back to bathroom. Pee.

Troop back to bedroom. Get back in bed. Read books. Turn off light. Tuck everyone in. Pass out like someone clocked me.

It takes a concerted effort on my part to brush my teeth, wash my face, and oil my feet nightly. It takes a concerted effort to not forget to take care of myself. It takes a seriously concerted effort to be the wife my husband needs me to be.

But I make the effort. It's worth it. I'm worth it. My husband is worth it. My children are worth it. In my heart and in my mind, we are all equally important. Just like I feel about eating well, exercising and sleeping enough. All three weigh just as heavily in my mind.

When I say I put taking care of myself first, what I mean is that if I didn't I couldn't be the excellent wife and mother I want to be, I am becoming, I am. I said over at Lisa's blog:

What I have found is that you have to be committed to yourself first, working at being your best self, for anything else to work well. If you are bone tired and don't have anything that you do for yourself, that belongs only to you, that feeds your spirit, what can you realistically give to those you love?

Practically speaking, the triangle is not equiangular right now. But as time goes on and the children need me less, I know it will be. I am looking forward to that time but also savoring this time. Because Z2's first year of life went by way too fast for me to be looking ahead instead of paying close attention right now.

If you see me in the street, and I don't look like I stepped off the runway, don't look like the hotness . . . be easy on me. I'm trying. But it's not always easy to find the balance.

I Started

A new private blog today.

Basically, I type 10x's faster than I write and so I figured a private blog would be more efficient. I think I'll still keep my journals going but we'll see.

Anyway, the blog is to work out my personal issues and demons and stuff. To vent. To cry. To laugh at ridiculous things. To bug out. To be crazy. To talk some sense into myself. To talk to myself.

We'll see.

Where did the time go?

2008, are you gone already?

You were a blur.
I'm more confused now than I was when you started
More ungrounded yet more unable to move
I've stayed in the same place
Or else taken two steps back
Instead of answering questions
You gave me more
And now the answers seem so much more obfuscated
I thought you'd give me some direction
Instead you turned me around with not so much as a compass
But you did give me the chance to see my boys grow so lovely
You did allow me to finally see me and not some distortion
In you, I learned to be a bit more self-sufficient
If it counts, I don't know, won't know
Until proving time
In you I found calmness and stillness in speaking a sound
I found a small place
Free to go within
And retrieve myself
You did give me love and change
Laughter, kisses, and hugs
You didn't give me hunger, fear
Or too much pain or sorrow
2008 are you gone already?
I was just getting started
Or at least thinking about it hard
Can I hold on to you 2009?
Make you do what I want you to do?
Or will I be writing to you too once you're gone
Asking
Where did the time go?

Photo Credit: "Lotus Flower" by wasoxygen on Flickr

2008 Knitting and Crochet Projects

I hope to finally knit a pair of socks next year and to learn some new techniques. With a new baby this year, knitting and crochet was mainly about enjoyment and not learning/advancing in the craft. I think I did some good work in 2008. Can't wait to see what I make in '09.

Happy and Prosperous New Year Everyone!!

Isn't it funny how the more politically correct racists try to be, the more their racism shines??

I have a huge problem with Food Network. Up until this year, Food Network had no problem with all it's personalities being White. This year, they added some color to the mix but I can't have been the only one to notice that these chefs are actually cooks. In other words, none of them seem to have any professional training as chefs. It's true that many of the other personalities on the network don't have any professional training either but I for one am tired of whenever it's a Black person doing the cooking, they are cooking some "down home" food. Never mind that there are about 50 million shows devoted to Italian and French food and hardly any for "ethnic" food, i.e. food from non-White parts of the world (I think I've seen one where the chef had a guest on from Nigeria). Except for "down home" soul food. There are no chefs of color on Food Network doing "fine cooking". The unspoken message is that there are no chefs of color; no Black culinary artists. But I sucked it up and said to myself, "Well, at least they finally have some folks of color on here. It's a step."

And don't get me wrong, some of the chefs on Food Network I actually really dig like the Barefoot Contessa Ina Garten. Sure, she's an elitist and all that but her food is real. I can respect her. She cooks food from scratch with real ingredients. Her food takes time though and I understand we don't all have time like that. But it doesn't have to go to the other extreme. Like this chick Sandra Lee who does the show Semi-Homemade. The concept, if you don't watch the Food Network, is that she takes "help" from the store to create foods that look and taste homemade. Yeah, whatever. So I was reading my blogs this morning and ran across this post on KellyBelle's blog Ephaphtha called "This is Kwanzaa" where I found this unfortunate clip.



Now, I can't stand Sandra Lee. She can't cook to save her life, seems to like to drink a whole hell of a lot and is obsessed with "tablescapes" (no time to bake cake from scratch but lots of time to make tablescapes). But I digress.

Aside from the obvious nastiness of this cake, the whole thing speaks to my issues with Food Network. If they wanted to celebrate Kwanzaa, couldn't they find somebody, anybody who actually celebrates Kwanzaa to come on and do a 30 minute or hour long special on some of the recipes that they have come up with to celebrate the holiday while sharing with us what the heck the whole thing is about? Honestly. It's as bad as during Black History Month when they had the Neely's (the hosts of the first Black cooking show) asking us the viewer to celebrate with Food Network. Food Network had never made any attempt to celebrate "the coloreds" during February before this. Again, whatever.

But alas, isn't it funny how the more politically correct racists try to be the more their racism shines through? There are so many substantial and actually meaningful things you could do if you truly wanted to celebrate diversity. But it's all lip-service, it's all political correctness. Smoke and mirrors. To give the illusion of progress and open-mindedness and inclusion. I guess they realized that us coloreds watch too.

Add to that the fact that Food Network likes to pretend that unless there is some meat involved in the cooking, it's not really cooking. That is why till this day they have completely ignored vegetarians and vegans, a growing demographic in this country. Not even a nod in their direction. And I'm not talking about throwing a Portobello mushroom on the grill (the same grill the meat was cooked on) for those "poor vegetarians" who can't enjoy real food. Whatever.

I guess you really shouldn't expect much from the Food Network. After all, it's where Rachel Ray got her start.

The Huntress

This is my cat Sophia. We got her from the animal shelter about two weeks before I found out I was pregnant with Z1 because we had mice who come inside when the weather gets cold. Sophia is a fabulous cat. She doesn't tear up the furniture and she's great with the children. She doesn't claw Z1 when he harasses her (and yes, he is always harassing her) and she doesn't bite Z2 when he pulls her tail. She comes to you when she wants to be petted, is friendly, and doesn't have any annoying habits.

Over the last three days, she has killed four mice. Look here, mice, you guys don't stand a chance in this house!

Ms. Sophia, you are the bomb. Aside from the fact that you inspire me with your ability to always be a sophisticated lady, regal, prim and proper even when you are taking a dump in in your litter, you are a damn good hunter. And since I hate mice, you are on my "very special being" list. :)

Now if only you could dispose of aforementioned mice in a better fashion than leaving them laid out in various places all over the floor . . .

Blessed Earthlight Beloved!

My sweet Z2 turns one year old today. I simply cannot believe how fast this year flew by. It makes me a little sad but also motivates me. Time moves. Fast. I cannot afford to procrastinate on things. Now is the time to do better.

I'm not in the mood to make a cake or anything. Maybe because it's winter and so dreary. Actually, I know that's the reason why. Would it be too bootleg to have a combined party for the boys in August? LoL.

In any case, Blessed Earthlight Beloved. Mommy loves you! <3

Confessions of an Economic Hitman Falls Flat

I finally finished it just to get through and see what suggestions he has.

I do not like reading books where the protagonist is condescending and/or patronizing. And that, to me, is exactly what Mr. Perkins is.

"The real story of modern empire--of the corporatocracy and that exploits desperate people . . . has everything to do with us . . . we prefer to believe the myth that thousands of years of human social evolution has finally perfected the ideal economic system, rather than to face the fact htat we have merely bought into a false concept and accepted it as gospel. We have convinced ourselves that all economic growth benefits humankind and that the greater the growth, the more widespread the benefits. Finally, we have persuaded one another that . . . people who excel at stoking the fires of economic growth should be exalted and rewarded, while those born at the fringes are available for exploitation."

-p. 216

Mr. Perkins, you might want to replace all this "we" stuff with "some of us" or "I". Stop trying to make your own despicable story universal. Some of us who are reading your book were born at the fringes, were born to people who lived on the fringes or still live on the fringes. Even here in the "great" United States, people are hungry and needy. The U.S. government took billions of tax-payer dollars (or money that needs to be paid back by taxpayers) and used it to bail out some of these corporatocracy folks and none of that money filtered down to the common person. Oh, everything has looked rosy for a while in this country Mr. Perkins but it's becoming more obvious that the victim of your exploits were not just people in third world countries. Yes, Americans are guilty as sin for consumerism and being happily oblivious--I won't argue with you on that. It has been a trade-off yes. Americans have been bought off with fancy cars and flat panel televisions in exchange for not making too much of a fuss when those in power do their dirty business. But how much real power does a common person possess? You could reject all those creature comforts and find that "the powers that be" are still going to do their dirty business. And if you get in the way . . . You suggest to me the reader that I cut down on how much I buy and read your book as ways to rectify the problem. Really? I think not sir. The system must go down and, by George, I think it is. Revolution is just that.

"The fact that you read this far indicates that you can relate on some personal way to my confession."

-p. 224

Actually, no. I'm fascinated by the level of wickedness that has been perpetrated by those in power in this county. I'm fascinated by how deep it goes. That is why I kept reading.

"Now it is your turn. You need to make your own confession. When you come clean on who you are, why are here during this time in history, why you have have done the things you have, and where you intend to go next, you will experience an immediate sense of relief. "

-p. 224

Mr. Perkins, please.

Overall, a confusing "confession" replete with stories that I hardly believe. The book reads like some kind of spy novel with vague references and lots of Mr. Perkins' regrets. Unfortunately, he still sounds proud about his exploits and as far as I can tell is still sitting on a cowdung-load of paper. This book is good for the information. Good to get a sense of how the U.S. has gone about making a global empire. You could watch a documentary like "Life and Debt" and get a far better sense--and see how real people are exploited by this system. I'm sorry it took Mr. Perkins doing all the dirt he did before he finally was able to extricate himself. I don't even know if he extricated himself because he felt badly or because he saw an alternate way to get more money that didn't rely on a sinking ship.

Consciousness is the first step to change, truly. I hope that as the veneer of wealth and prosperity wears off for most Americans, we will become interested in learning the truth about things. Becoming conscious. This will mean turning off the t.v. and Wii entertainment systems, cracking open books (not just on economic exploitation but on self-sufficiency and spiritual growth). That we will boycott fake and illegitimate new sources completely. That we will consciously seek out news sources that tell the whole story, or a different story--that place America not at the top of things but right in line with everyone else. (Notice on the BBC's front page there is *nothing* about the U.S. but check any U.S. based news organization and they must have something about the U.S. even if it's trite.) Americans will have to become conscious of the fact that America is not the center of the world no matter what the news says.

I'm sometimes frustrated by how little I can actually do to change things. I often feel implicit in a system that systematically exploits people all over the world--many of whom look like me. I used to feel that leaving the U.S. would be my first step in freeing myself of my role in the system. But it's so much more complex than that. Going to Nigeria and Ghana has showed me how much more complex it is. There are no easy answers. So I am doing what I can where I am . . . and realizing that the only thing that stays the same is change. And so all this is going to have to change. I want to do my part to make it change for the better.

Baking Bread Using the Food Processor and Recent Book Buys

I realized that the bread I have been making was making me feel terrible intestinally. I think I may be allergic to wheat gluten. I'm not sure though because I can eat unbleached white flour (which is not gluten free) without issues. But it seems that if it's a product that I actually add gluten to like the wheat bread I was making or the vegetarian sausages, it makes me feel awful.

Generally speaking, I use my stand mixer to knead the dough for my bread. Today I thought I'd try the food processor. I have a 14 cup Cuisinart. I've done pizza dough in it before but never bread. I decided to us the recipe that came in the food processor's booklet called Classic White Bread. I substituted olive oil for butter. The results were excellent. I've had a couple of slices and it is sitting very well. It's flavorful but still bland enough to be great for eating with peanut butter or jelly or mock tuna spread or with soup. I may have to stick with this one.

There's a book I've been eying called The Bread Baker's Apprentice which is a totally comprehensive book about the art and science of bread baking. You will notice the glowing reviews on Amazon. But while making the bread today, I realized that I really need bread baking to be a simple activity. No starting a day in advance. Making special concoctions. Hunting all over for ingredients. I just need bread to be flour, oil, water, sugar, yeast. So while the idea of baking all kinds of fabulous breads appeals to me, right now I have enough on my plate. Bread baking isn't a hobby now. Maybe one day it will be but I bake bread because we eat bread. So, I'm putting the book on my wish list (and taking it out of my shopping cart). I have a few other books I could use the money on. I did recently purchase some books using my birthday money: Gardening When It Counts: Growing Food in Hard Times, When Technology Fails (Revised & Expanded): A Manual for Self-Reliance, Sustainability, and Surviving the Long Emergency, Root Cellaring: Natural Cold Storage of Fruits & Vegetables, and Seed to Seed: Seed Saving and Growing Techniques for Vegetable Gardeners. I'd like to purchase three more books: one on astrology and two on herbs and herbal healing. Did I mention I love books?

Do you really make the world with your thoughts?

Louise Hay in Meditations to Heal Your Life says that "What [you] see in your world is a mirror of what [you] have in your mind."

Sometimes I wonder though. If I found myself in a war torn area where I was the target of some genocidal mandate or if I found myself watching my children starve to death or suffer from entirely preventable and curable illness, how would changing my thoughts change the situation?

Would it actually change the situation? Or just how I perceive it and react to it?

In college, I regularly failed my chemistry tests and almost flunked the entire course. Would that reality have changed if I had just shifted my thoughts?

How many times have I changed my thoughts and it hasn't really made a difference? How many times have I been hopeful and it hasn't changed a thing. Are there just some things that I will have to experience no matter how much "right thinking" I do?

Read "Forever?", a very thought-provoking blog by Angie over at NuVision for a NuDay.

Can you even control your thinking? Or just your reaction to your thoughts? Isn't it really just training your mind to focus on good thoughts just to crowd out the negative ones? Because isn't there a balance to everything? Good has to be balanced by bad? So isn't the real challenge to make sure the negative doesn't take over?

Sometimes I get into a mode when I think about an impending economic collapse. I think about all the worst case scenarios and play out all kinds of survival/self-sufficiency scenes. Am I speeding up that eventuality with my thoughts or just preparing myself for anything? I mean, look at the situation the U.S. is in now . . . so many of us never thought we'd be here. But here we are. How does karma/reaping and sowing come into play?

I tend to think that no universal law works independently of another. In other words, yes, we make our world from our thoughts but other laws mediate that one. And, it seems, just plain old reality plays a large part too. Genetics. Where you're born and grow up. Your natural talents. Things you can't change by thinking about it.

I also tend to feel that on a collective level, changing the ways in which we think will ultimately change the world. But how do we that? You can't force people to change their thinking? You can appeal to their higher selves but . . . what else can you do?

I don't know . . . maybe I haven't read the philosophical piece that makes it all clear but these are the questions I ask myself.

So, do you make the world with your thoughts?

Do you celebrate Kwanzaa?

"The Seven Principles of Kwanzaa" by soulchristmas

Okay, Kwanzaa has always felt like a made up holiday to me. I mean, it is a made up holiday but it always felt like folks were trying too hard. It felt contrived. Maybe I just don't get it.

Nonetheless, I highly value the message behind Kwanzaa and think that as the boys get older, we may observe Kwanzaa.
NGUZO SABA
(The Seven Principles)

---

	Umoja (Unity) To strive for and maintain unity in the family, community, nation and race.
	Kujichagulia (Self-Determination) To define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves and speak for ourselves.
	Ujima (Collective Work and Responsibility) To build and maintain our community together and make our brother's and sister's problems our problems and to solve them together.
	Ujamaa (Cooperative Economics) To build and maintain our own stores, shops and other businesses and to profit from them together.
	Nia (Purpose) To make our collective vocation the building and developing of our community in order to restore our people to their traditional greatness.
	Kuumba (Creativity) To do always as much as we can, in the way we can, in order to leave our community more beautiful and beneficial than we inherited it.
	Imani (Faith) To believe with all our heart in our people, our parents, our teachers, our leaders and the righteousness and victory of our struggle.
	­ Maulana Karenga

From The official Kwanzaa website

There's one Kwanzaa celebration going on at the library next Monday. I'm going to take the Zs. I'm on the lookout for more, though.

What are your thoughts?? Do you celebrate Kwanzaa? How and why?

While I don't celebrate Christmas,

I do enjoy the energy that's in the air around this time. This year, however, the energy was not so, ummm, energetic. I guess it's going to take a while for people to become accustomed to less stuff. I heard the disappointment in my niece's voice about her lack of Christmas gifts this year. I know many are feeling the same way.

Anyway, everyone knows I like to bake and so that's what I decided to do this year. I made banana bread and pumpkin bread. Unfortunately, the banana breads that I made got burnt on the bottoms pretty badly because I had them in the oven on too high a temperature trying to get them to bake all the way through in an hour instead of an hour and 15-20 minutes. The temperature was far too high: 400 when it was supposed to be 350. I think I will try 375 next time and check every five minutes after it has been in there for 40 minutes. Or just bake the darn things at 350 for an hour and 15-20 minutes. (LoL . . . I hate when my impatience gets the best of me.) Luckily, those ones were going to family so I sliced off the burnt bottom of one and packaged it then sliced off the burnt bottom of another one and cut it into slices and served it on a plate. I still want to bake for some other friends but I'm not sure when I will have time to bring it to them or when they'll have time to pick it up. Anyway, here's how I presented the bread:I'm thinking that next year I will start early to advertise doing holiday breads and cookies. This was the first one I did and as I did more, I think they got better. The cellophane wrap and the ribbon all came from the 99c Store. I wrapped the bread in clear plastic wrap first so that the bread wouldn't be directly against the cellophane. I'm thinking I could sell a loaf or a dozen cookies for maybe $15, wrapped and all and I'd make a good profit. We'll see.
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In other news,I went to Super Stop and Shop to pick up a few things the other day. I wanted to buy some more Noxzema. I noticed they had the store brand right next to it for half the price. The great thing, though, was that it was missing many of the questionable ingredients in Noxzema like methyparaben and propylparaben. And it seems to work just as well. I think what I'm going to do is stick with the knock-off Noxzema for daily cleansing and do an oil cleansing once a week. It's a bit of a time consuming process so that's why I think once weekly will have to suffice.

I borrowed Dance of the Inches: Fat Burning Belly Dance from the library and I like it. It's fun to do and Z1 does it too. Z2, on the other hand, seems to feel like he's being ignored and will not stay in his playpen. When I take him out, he tries to climb me. You cannot get your belly dance on with a baby trying to climb you. It makes for good comedic material. Anyway, I found the DVD on ebay for about $5. I also borrowed Wai Lana's beginner's yoga cd. It's due today and I haven't even popped it into the player. Hope I can renew it and get to it.

Well, here's to hoping that the year ends out peacefully.

True Mothering Revolutionizes the World

"Black Madonna" by Katherine Skaggs

Let There Be Peace on Earth

Gingerbread Cookies, Pancakes and Reusable Bags

No, there's no clever connection between the three but I thought I'd talk about the three of them in one post anyway.

Firstly, gingerbread cookies. It's the holiday season and it's the one and only time I make these. I absolutely hate rolling out cookie dough and using cookie cutters. I think aside from being annoying, it's also wasteful. In any case, last Friday I was going to do a cookie swap. I made about 2 dozen gingerbread cookies only for it to snow. The swap was canceled. We couldn't finish the cookies on our own and by now, they're getting stale. But Z1 had a great time using the cookie cutter. I use Paula Deen's Ginger Cookie Recipe except that I make it vegan by using Earth Balance buttery spread (the EB's shortening or refined coconut oil, i.e. tasteless and odorless coconut oil work well too) and one egg replacer. I also add a 1/2 teaspoon of nutmeg and a touch of vanilla extract too. Not everyone is a fan of gingerbread cookies and while I don't love them the best out of all the cookies I make, I enjoy them. Plus, they're very holiday-ish. :)

Secondly, pancakes. Now, I have had a heck of a time making vegan pancakes over the last couple of years. I have been using a recipe that is just so-so until today. I borrowed You Won't Believe It's Vegan, a cookbook by Lacey Sher and Gail Doherty from the library and tried their recipe. I did have to add some sugar, a little cinnamon and nutmeg, and a touch more liquid than the recipe called for but the texture was absolutely *perfect*. Fluffy and light and cooked all the way through. Delicious. I wish I had made the full recipe (I made half because I wasn't sure how they would turn out.)

And thirdly, I find that in my predominantly Black town (the town is basically split in half by the proverbial tracks--I live on the not-so-great side of the tracks but it's not quite so bad because I'm still relatively close to the tracks . . . I guess), I'm one of the very few folks who use reusable bags. I don't mind because I'm one of the few folks who do a lot of things up in this hood. Despite some of the funky looks cashiers give me when I hand them my bags (because using plastic bags is so methodical and habitual), I really have made using reusable bags a good habit. And I hope more folks start bringing their own bags. Now, I know it's chic to use reusable bags and they're all kinds of designer reusable bags. I'm not a designer girl. I've bought most of my reusable bags at the thrift store for 50 cents to a dollar a piece. Basically I buy nice, strong canvas bags and they work very well. I also have canvas bags that I've collected free from events and stuff. Of course, all my bags are all mismatched but I couldn't care less. They do the job. At one point, I went to www.reusablebags.com and purchased reusable produce bags, basically unbleached cotton bags. Now, the concept behind these are great: no more of those small, clear plastic bags to hold your produce. The only problem is that it makes checking out a royal pain in the behind because the cashier has to look into each bag to figure out what it is you're trying to buy. A minor inconvenience that has pretty much kept me from using them consistently. But they make great tea bags and nut bags (for making almond milk).

And lastly, Just Me over at her blog My Slice of Pie posted Monday's Meal: Buttermilk Biscuits which inspired me for tomorrow's breakfast. I've got some tempeh bacon marinating in the fridge right now and we'll have that with the biscuits. Yum. I can't wait!!!

Four totally unrelated topics, I know, but, it is what it is. :)

12/23/08, 10:49AM ETA:

Breakfast was the bomb today!! Thanks just me for the recipe (which I vegan-ized)!! Simple with fabulous results. Yum!!

Earthlight

("Birthday Box" by clevercupcakes on Flickr.com)

Today is the light that I commemorate the day I came Earth-side. In other words, it's my birthday. I'm not giddy with excitement like when I was a child and it seemed to take forever for my birthday to arrive. But I'm profoundly joyful. I'm choked up with gratitude at having another year added to my life. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude because of all the blessings I have today. I'm so grateful that I have finally learned to tap into my inner wisdom and I'm proud to say that I no longer make the same mistakes I used to make. I have grown and changed so much this last year--in some ways that I haven't expected. I'm pleased but I know I have a lot more to work on.

I searched for a birthday affirmation/prayer that I could focus on today and couldn't find one so I'm going to focus today on gratitude and wisdom and what I am.

I am
An Affirmation of Power

I am good!
I am good at all the good things I am doing and dreaming!
I am good at doing good and being good which means I am open to receiving good!!
I am so good that good is looking for me to be good with!
Good is on its way to me, and that is good for me!
I am now openly receiving good things in every aspect of my life!
I am grateful for my good!
I am grateful for good opportunities!
I am grateful for good experiences!
I am good at everything I do!
I am renewed to do more good!
I am invigorated by the good I do!
I am rejuvenated by the good things I do and the good experiences I have!
I am excited about being so good!
I am good at being powerful!
I am good at demonstrating the brilliant power of my goodness!
I am surrounded by good!
I am engulfed by good!
I am completely good!
I am perfectly good!
I am totally good, inside and out!
I am richly rewarded for all the good I a!
I give off good and good returns to me!
Who I am is a good thing to be!

From Until Today by Iyanla Vanzant

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There's lots of snow and ice on the ground where I am. I would like to go to my favorite Ethiopian restaurant today. A break from cooking dinner would be a nice gift. But I am not sure the weather will permit. I'm not sure we should be spending money on eating out because I can think of about 10 other ways that money could be put to better use. In the spirit of learning to be content with what you have, learning to be happy without doing anything but being happy, I'm going to be happy today no matter what I end up doing. So many around me are down and sad because this Christmas is not going to be one filled with a lot of stuff. It's an interesting and difficult time to be alive. Now while I have a difficult time feeling light and airy when I know the gravity of our situation in this country, no, the world, I'm going to have a Happy Birthday!!

(Oh, by the way, if you use images on your blog, how do you correctly reference/give credit? A lot of the time, I just use google images but I don't take the time to find out the origin of the picture or it's just not clear. But I'd like to give credit where credit is due. Does it only matter if you're trying to use the images for profit? How do you handle pictures on your blog? What about recipes and patterns for that matter? I had a video on Youtube and the artist contacted me and asked me to take down her artwork which I did but then I started thinking about this blog and wondering what I should do about the art on here. I'm not very graphically inclined but . . . I guess I wouldn't mind having a more plain page. Anyway, any input is very much appreciated. I found this excellent article so from now on, I'll follow that advice! It's easy enough.)